Sex, Awkward Intimacy Lingo

Lingo

Ethan - 09/03/2009 13:35 - Australia

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I'd got her. She replied, "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

JJ_V3N0M - 03/01/2015 10:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday, so I decided to take her to a fancy restaurant and give her an expensive $400 necklace that I had bought. Being traditional, I asked the waiter to arrange it nicely on the tray when he came with our dessert. Neither he nor the necklace ever showed up. FML

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Nickolas Neffster - 05/10/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend a very expensive necklace. I gave it to her thinking she'd be extremely happy. Instead she was mad at me because my gift for our anniversary was better than hers. FML

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clayton - 28/07/2012 00:30 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her last week with a pearl necklace. Before I could quite grasp what was going on, I'd popped a boner and visualised the scene. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

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Terrible exchange rate

I_Lossed - - Australia

Today, I asked my girlfriend about a diamond necklace I bought her for her birthday, which she didn't seem to be wearing. She then told me she hocked it to pay for her inexpensive phone bill. I paid $1,500 for that necklace, she received $300 from the pawn shop. FML

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Chrissy - 08/02/2010 20:24 - United States

Today, I found out that the necklace my boyfriend gave me for my birthday was actually a gift he'd given to his ex-girlfriend. FML

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Mazzam - 19/11/2008 11:33 - France

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML

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Charming

Anonymous - 18/05/2009 16:46 - Egypt

Today, the man I was going on a dinner date with bought me an expensive necklace. We got to the table he had reserved when his friend came and sat with us. Somehow, the subject of getting it on came up. My date then said, "Expensive jewelry - one way ticket to her pants." FML

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Delayed proposal

Anonymous - 18/07/2020 23:02

Today, my girlfriend found the engagement ring I bought and assumed it was a late birthday present. She’s now wearing it on her right hand like a signet ring and she somehow hasn’t figured out it’s a diamond and not a Swarovski. I'm now waiting for her to figure it out before I pop the question. FML

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flyakite29 - 20/07/2009 16:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came home and announced that she'd just bought a $40 pair of flipflops. She then declared that I wouldn't be getting a birthday gift this year due to budget shortfalls. For hers a month prior, I'd got her a $300 piece of jewelry. FML

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Old dog, new tricks

Anonymous - 25/07/2024 00:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, for my mom's birthday, I couldn't figure out what to get her, so I just took some of her jewelry, wrapped it up, and re-gifted it. She recognized it instantly. FML

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hardcore_fml 0

Monday 9 March 2009 20:21

Why would she know what you meant? Let's go through the conversation. What did you get me for my birthday? I'm going to shoot my load on your neck/chest. Now gauge the excitement upon hearing this news and discover that you're a douche. lol.

Heidi_fml 0

Monday 9 March 2009 20:01

Um... why would she appreciate YOUR meaning as a birthday gift? Disgusting.

Fox01v 0

Friday 13 March 2009 5:01

3L 0

Saturday 14 March 2009 3:47

rexpect femalez bitch n get her a real present (3L = Live Love Laugh)

just_my_life 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 1:32

that's a little douchey not gonna lie....but as long as you had a legitimate present for her that makes it a bit better. though i'm sure when she found out you'd be shit out of luck, at least for a while

ashleyy_fml 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 8:53

That's actually the funniest thing ever. But you're pretty stupid. I'm sure she really appreciates having to do shit to you and then have you cum all over her as her birthday present. I'm hoping you weren't a complete douche and got her an actual present.

orchidsrock 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 23:28

haha

pdoom 0

Monday 16 March 2009 1:19

Pure awesome. And by the way commentors, some girls do like that stuff, so chill with the uptightness.

GravyCannon 0

Monday 16 March 2009 5:05

Ethan, you sound like an upstanding young man. However, I can not believe what a conniving bitch your girlfriend is. If my girlfriend ever tried to pull a switcheroo like that on me, just to finagle a real present out of me, I would have been livid. I envy your chivalry. I read that you ended up giving her a real pearl necklace just to save face with her dad. You are an absolute Prince among Princes. I would have given her nothing but the previously promised metaphorical "pearl necklace", unless she begged me for forgiveness that is, then I would have thrown in a Shamwow. They hold 20 times their weight in "pearl necklaces"!