Sex, Awkward Intimacy Lingo

Lingo

Ethan - 09/03/2009 13:35 - Australia

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I'd got her. She replied, "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

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JJ_V3N0M - 03/01/2015 10:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday, so I decided to take her to a fancy restaurant and give her an expensive $400 necklace that I had bought. Being traditional, I asked the waiter to arrange it nicely on the tray when he came with our dessert. Neither he nor the necklace ever showed up. FML

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Nickolas Neffster - 05/10/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend a very expensive necklace. I gave it to her thinking she'd be extremely happy. Instead she was mad at me because my gift for our anniversary was better than hers. FML

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clayton - 28/07/2012 00:30 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her last week with a pearl necklace. Before I could quite grasp what was going on, I'd popped a boner and visualised the scene. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

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Terrible exchange rate

I_Lossed - - Australia

Today, I asked my girlfriend about a diamond necklace I bought her for her birthday, which she didn't seem to be wearing. She then told me she hocked it to pay for her inexpensive phone bill. I paid $1,500 for that necklace, she received $300 from the pawn shop. FML

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Chrissy - 08/02/2010 20:24 - United States

Today, I found out that the necklace my boyfriend gave me for my birthday was actually a gift he'd given to his ex-girlfriend. FML

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Mazzam - 19/11/2008 11:33 - France

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML

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Charming

Anonymous - 18/05/2009 16:46 - Egypt

Today, the man I was going on a dinner date with bought me an expensive necklace. We got to the table he had reserved when his friend came and sat with us. Somehow, the subject of getting it on came up. My date then said, "Expensive jewelry - one way ticket to her pants." FML

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Delayed proposal

Anonymous - 18/07/2020 23:02

Today, my girlfriend found the engagement ring I bought and assumed it was a late birthday present. She’s now wearing it on her right hand like a signet ring and she somehow hasn’t figured out it’s a diamond and not a Swarovski. I'm now waiting for her to figure it out before I pop the question. FML

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flyakite29 - 20/07/2009 16:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came home and announced that she'd just bought a $40 pair of flipflops. She then declared that I wouldn't be getting a birthday gift this year due to budget shortfalls. For hers a month prior, I'd got her a $300 piece of jewelry. FML

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Old dog, new tricks

Anonymous - 25/07/2024 00:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, for my mom's birthday, I couldn't figure out what to get her, so I just took some of her jewelry, wrapped it up, and re-gifted it. She recognized it instantly. FML

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hardcore_fml 0

Monday 9 March 2009 20:21

Why would she know what you meant? Let's go through the conversation. What did you get me for my birthday? I'm going to shoot my load on your neck/chest. Now gauge the excitement upon hearing this news and discover that you're a douche. lol.

Heidi_fml 0

Monday 9 March 2009 20:01

Um... why would she appreciate YOUR meaning as a birthday gift? Disgusting.

JuJuBean 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 21:59

I had to google it. lol

Ahhem 0

Thursday 19 March 2009 1:28

Save it for the angry dragon.

Damone 0

Friday 2 October 2009 22:44

funny, really funny! i can imagine her Dad saying: "well, that's a very nice present, you and Mom can wear it both" LOL!

gusrick 20

Friday 20 March 2009 19:12

hahahahahahahahahaha Did his dad know what it means? If so, then this story is funnier than it is

afj67 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 1:56

ewww! poor girl, i hope you didn't actually do that to her. you totally deserved that.

letsX19 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 4:30

hahahaht this is hilarious. my bf can give me a pearl necklace anytime he wants. im all for it! i mean, come on now, girls. a guys fantasy isnt gonna be making passionate love in a bed of roses with classical music softly playing in the background and ....?!? f that! pearl necklace all the damn way.

GravyCannon 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 12:01

I love you 114, really I do, and I wouldn't just say that if I didn't mean it. Trust me. Can I be your bf, if only for 30 to 45 minutes? I promise I'll be faithful. And I'll even bring you a brand new roll of Bounty paper towels (the quicker picker upper), or a spoon; your choice. Damn, listen to me whispering sweet nothings... I can't help it, I suppose I'm just a hopeless romantic.

FuckedRoyally 3

Sunday 22 March 2009 6:39

If the only thing you were going to give your girlfriend for her birthday was a sexual act what which gives her no pleasure, you're a fuckstick who deserves to be castrated in front of his parents.

take_me_home 0

Sunday 22 March 2009 11:30

ahahaha... comeon... it is a little bit funny! just laugh it off... so what if she didnt know wwhat it was, everyone has to find out some time or another!! hahahah

jsmith1199 0

Sunday 22 March 2009 19:52

i think #116 needs a pearl necklace.... how do u know that gives her no pleasure? believe it or not, there are a lot of girls who arent fun hating tight ass ho bags like you are... she might actually enjoy it.. i think you should look up the definition of enjoy cause you obviously dont enjoy anything cause your a succubus.

haxxx041 0

Monday 23 March 2009 8:26

u idiots are calling him a douche when he said he really did get her a present (#74). That was just a bonus...I woulda enjoyed a pearl necklace from my man. I laughed so hard when I read this!!