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The all-time greatest FMLs

HappyItalian tells us more.

HappyItalian 38

The movie was Terminator: Genisys. The theatre was completely full so I couldn't switch seats. The guy was with a friend so they both thought it was hilarious and continued to do it even for the after-credits scene when almost everyone was gone. On a side note, I can't believe out of all the FML's I've posted over the years this is the one that got published, haha. Nice thing to wake up to in the morning before a job interview! (Hopefully that's not another FML waiting to happen)

Severus_Snape_ tells us more.

Severus_Snape_ 23

Wow, this is the first time one of my FMLs have been accepted! I googled whatever was happening on my arm, and I think 26 may or may not be right. According to the internet, if should go away in a few days, and it was a spider bite. But ever since I was a kid, I've always attracted some weird bug bites, but this has never happened to me before. Unfortunately, I am the type of person that will twist my wrist and still just say that I'm fine. Like that time where I threw up twice when I was 11 years old and still insisted that I was well enough to go to school, only to be sent back home when I threw up again. I applied some type of cream thing on the bite, and it has gotten better. It'll probably go away in a few days. Hopefully.

nightfall8705 tells us more.

nightfall8705 33

OP here! There is so much more to this story than I'm not going into, but the jist of it is this: I was to replace this chick who was supposed to be moving to Texas with her "church" and I was perfect to fill in her absence. The dumbledouche hiring manager told me several times I was hired and that the girl was moving and all that. Then the excuses start for why I couldn't take my test. First, the computer was down. Second, the manager said he was managing 3 stores at once because another manager had a "heart attack", and the third time was because he "had an emergency" situation last week, and told me to come in yesterday. After the test, he broke the news to me that his thundercunt (my words, not his) employee decided she wasn't going to move to Texas after all, because her baby daddy were here and she needed money from him and that she found out the welfare was better in SC than Texas. I probably won't even get paid for my time, but that's not even what I'm pissed about. Turns out that "emergency" the hiring manager had was a vacation in Hawaii. He must have forgotten the lie he told me, because those words came directly from his cum balloon mouth. I've got an interview for a job on Monday for an even better restaurant anyway, so screw em'.