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Redecorating

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Amersham

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months moved into my apartment. I had never been to his place because his roommate was a drug addict, so it came as quite a surprise when he brought three taxidermied cats with him, insisting that I let him mount them in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 463

You deserved it 12 641

Strung out

By bdjsbskl - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was at work as a cashier. An old lady unbagged everything I had, and angrily "taught" me how to bag. She put potatoes on her eggs and broke them. She then screamed that I was useless and retarded in front of all my other customers and manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 042

You deserved it 2 408

Stalker vibes

By nerdychick - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I printed out a picture of the popular girl in school as a sort of 'model' for how I wanted my hair cut. The hairdresser taped the picture to the mirror so he could see. Halfway through, my 'model' came in for an appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 342

You deserved it 22 472

He's one of those people

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Sudbury

Today, my phone kept beeping, so I put it on silent and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I found the guy I went on a date with last night had sent dozens of messages. The first was "Good morning! :)" and the last was "Answer me u fuckin cunt!!!!" I think I'm staying single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 812

You deserved it 3 261

Doggy dog world

By wouaf - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - France - Voiron

Today, I was out shopping with my little sister. I wanted to try something on, so I put my bag in front of a changing room and jokingly told her to bark if someone came near. She ended up biting a lady who was trying to get into one of the changing rooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 566

You deserved it 5 602

Disrespectful to the max

By SorryUncleTommy - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Brooklyn

Today, it was my uncle's funeral. I wasn't very close with him, but I still wanted to be respectful. My boyfriend, being the jackass that he is, was singing the Spider Pig song from The Simpsons under his breath while making his fingers walk up my leg, trying to get under my skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 512

You deserved it 7 128

No friends, no problems

By Not turnt - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, I realized the only reason my mom trusts me to stay home alone for long periods of time is because I don't have enough friends to throw a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 849

You deserved it 2 643

Dangerous implements

By I-love-my-tea - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I had to show my ID to prove I was over 18. I was buying teaspoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 346

You deserved it 2 041

Health and wellbeing

By fuck - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Somerville

Today, I scolded my son at a buffet after he pointed at an obese woman in a motorized wheelchair and asked how anyone could let themselves get so unhealthy. As I lectured him on genetics and thyroid problems, she rolled past with a plate stacked with an obscene amount of fried food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 307

You deserved it 6 663

Baby Bird

By bird problems - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, since I've been paying attention to my newborn, my pet cockatoo learned to cry like the baby on the middle of the night. I haven't gotten more than four hours of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 418

You deserved it 2 771

Reflex

By romea244 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 793

You deserved it 27 317

Netflix is a drug

By Alexandra - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Heckmondwike

Today, my fiancé completely missed the birth of our first child because he had started watching a new series on Netflix and really wanted to know how it ended. By the time he made it to the hospital our daughter was already 7 hours old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 808

You deserved it 1 161

Bad timing

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got fired because I abruptly hung up on my boss while being pulled over for talking in a hands free zone. I also got a $300 fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 917

You deserved it 2 340

Dad jokes, part #23555

By Lizzie - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner for the first time. As a joke, my dad answered the door wearing the white church robes that he wears when he is lay-reading during a church service, and said, "Welcome, child of God." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 351

Tense

By Juan - 08/01/2026 15:00

Today, my wife decided to quit nicotine. I came home to find my Xbox, Playstation, Switch, and PC burning in our fire pit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 51

Mommy's boy

By Fed up - 07/01/2026 09:00

Today, for the hundredth fucking time, my stepson asked for a snack twenty minutes before dinner. When I told him no, he cried to his mom, who yelled at me and gave him a granola bar. Then, when dinner came, he "wasn't hungry", picked at his food, and fussed and cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 97

Infectious

By Looupyloou - 07/01/2026 12:00

Today, it's day four of liquid ass and violent hurling after I hosted a birthday party for my daughter, and one of the kids brought a stomach virus rather than a present. Yesterday my daughter started with the violent vomiting too. Everything smells like vomit in my home. Yay me! FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 73

Moving on fast

By Anonymous - 09/01/2026 03:00

Today, my dad's new girlfriend, who he met in Vegas, flies in. My mother is still alive in a dementia care facility. I don't know how to feel about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 60

Not great

By poopsquirt404 - 06/01/2026 00:00

Today, my friend and I flew home from India ten days early. I got cholera and she got groped twice and followed back to our accommodations by a gang of men. So much for our exotic overseas trip… FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 212

What would you do?

By Lisania - 11/01/2026 03:00

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I'd trusted that he and his ex were “co-parenting” a dog that he and his ex adopted while they were together and nothing more was happening. His ex is pregnant and he’s the father. He insists that he doesn’t love her anymore and it was a “mistake.” He wants me to take him back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 74

Everyone's an expert

By Anonymous - 08/01/2026 03:00

Today, and for this past week, I've had multiple people tell me all I needed to do to cure my incredibly rare chronic illnesses was some essential oils. Putting those 'medications' aren’t going to do anything. They then proceeded to give me more advice on how to treat a kidney transplant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 58

Oddly specific

By annairb - 07/01/2026 03:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I order meat well done. He's the third guy to do this. Just the thought of eating undercooked meat makes me gag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 296

Bulked up

By Angie - 06/01/2026 09:00

Today, my mother-in-law invited herself to my house to cook lunch. I'm postpartum, depressed, and nursing a two-week old. She fed me four small shrimp and a handful of macaroni. This is what I'll be eating for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 75

It's too cold for this shit

By Anonymous - 09/01/2026 09:00

Today, some absolute scumbucket cut the straps of the cover I put over my windscreen, so this morning it was completely iced over. It only delayed me by about 10 minutes but still… what a shitty thing to do to someone first thing in the snowy morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 48

Meltdown

By Anonymous - 10/01/2026 00:00

Today, my neighbor heard me watching a YouTube tutorial for how to do a simple fix on my car engine and he half jokingly asked why my dad didn’t teach me anything growing up. My dad was just inside the front door and heard him say it. They ended up fighting in the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 67

Freakout

By Anonymous - 05/01/2026 22:00

Today, my daughter learned a new phrase: “Sleep Paralysis Demon.” It was exactly as bad as you’re imagining, she sobbed for almost 15 minutes, and that's a very long time when the tears and screaming are constant and without a pause. The neighbours knocked on the door because they were worried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 65

Was it worth it?

By Anonymous - 08/01/2026 22:00

Today, I was supposed to have my last interview for my dream job at a tech firm in Dubai. Instead, I spent my last few days in Dubai in hospital and now I am back in Denmark, on heavy antibiotics and painkillers, and two weeks sick leave away from a job I hate already. Then there's also a huge hospital bill to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 74

Antisocial

By Hope he chokes - 10/01/2026 03:00

Today, my asswipe coworker yet again microwaved some disgusting fish dish at work, stinking out the break room for days. If we say anything, he runs to HR and complains of "racism" and "hostile work environment." God, I sound like a disgusting Trump-sucker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 147

Close call

By Anonymous - 08/01/2026 00:00

Today, I slipped on a wet floor in the grocery store. Instead of falling gracefully or quickly, I windmilled my arms for a few seconds while making direct eye contact with a toddler who looked genuinely impressed. I didn’t fall, but still… FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 83

Resolutions come and go

By Anonymous - 06/01/2026 12:00

Today, I tried a new workout class as part of my New Year's resolution to get fit. The instructor said, “Don’t worry, we’ll start easy.” Twenty minutes in, I was flat on the floor while everyone else continued effortlessly. When the instructor asked if I was OK, I gave a thumbs-up, but I haven’t been able to sit down since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 104

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I learned it's not safe to take a bath if my aunt is staying over, because apparently she was never taught the "Knock before you enter" rule if the bathroom door is closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 132

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 918

You deserved it 23 301

Today, while at a trampoline park, my time of the month and my out-of-shape body worked together to make me almost pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 061

You deserved it 2 033

Today, I bought lunch for my grandparents, aunts, and uncles. My uncle apparently felt uncomfortable at the restaurant, because he got up and flipped the table over before leaving. The bill tripled because of the broken glass, and my uncle called me up later for a ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 357

You deserved it 1 443

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 734

You deserved it 4 601

Today, despite driving extremely slowly and cautiously, we slid off the road due to ice and snow. The car hit a rock and the airbags deployed. We were in my 3-month-old car because the engine in my husband's truck blew last week. Merry Christmas to us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 761

You deserved it 825