The Top

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You OK, mate?

By Anonymous - 02/07/2026 09:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I went to my girlfriend's mom's horse barn. Then I stepped in horse poop. Also I am full of dust. Dusty boi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 134

Double standard

By Anonymous - 05/07/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, my former in-laws have been giving me crap for remarrying only four months after my divorce, yet they had no problem with my ex-wife remarrying only a week after our divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 103

Great role model

By Anonymous - 09/07/2026 12:00 - United States - Irving

Today, my possibly soon-to-be ex-husband assaulted his sister because she said that our adoptive kids weren't really ours. Because of the pending criminal charges, we may have the adoption revoked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 71

Trusting

By Anonymous - 13/07/2026 00:00 - United States - Rapid City

Today, after reminding my mother that I couldn't watch my father 5 days a week, she threw another temper tantrum and insisted that her druggie friend, who trusts everyone and drives my dad nuts, could watch him. This is how they are gonna get robbed, so I keep losing time with the husband and kids because of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 71

Holy crap

By Anonymous - 14/07/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I’m at my third ER visit in a week for an extremely painful ovarian cyst. The people next to me are reading aloud from a Christian Science book. I’m in hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 93

Distraction free

By Anonymous - 16/07/2026 15:00 - France - Paris

Today, I bought noise-canceling headphones to block out distractions while working from home. They worked so well that I missed the doorbell, three phone calls, and a fire drill in my building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 140

Classic

By Anonymous - 18/07/2026 09:00 - United States - New York

Today, I was proud of myself for remembering my wallet, keys and phone before leaving for the airport. I got all the way to security before realizing I’d left my passport on the kitchen table, right next to the travel mug I also forgot to bring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 370

In slow motion

By Anonymous - 20/07/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I volunteered to take a group photo at a birthday dinner, backed up for the perfect angle, and sat directly in a bowl of guacamole. Everyone watched it happen like a slow motion accident. No one warned me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 132

The simp life

By no more mister nice guy - 21/07/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I paid for the girl I love to come to a music festival with me. Fifteen minutes after we got there, she was hanging off the arm of some muscly rich douche who barely glanced at me, except to call me "little simpy dude." She giggled as he whisked her off to the VIP area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 230

GET UP

By Late again - 29/07/2026 00:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I set an alarm labeled "DO NOT BE LATE." When it went off, I turned it off, congratulated myself for being responsible, and promptly went back to sleep. I woke up two hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 455

You swap what?

By Anonymous - 30/07/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend let me in on a little family secret. His brothers often swap girlfriends and wives. They insist it’s not weird because the siblings themselves aren’t doing anything together, just the in-laws. It’s still too close for comfort and too weird to ignore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 70

Out of time

By STRESSED OUT - 01/08/2026 15:00 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, I set ten alarms for an important appointment and still woke up convinced I’d missed it. I spent the morning panicking for no reason and showed up looking exactly how I felt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 222

Room service

By Anonymous - 05/08/2026 03:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I spent at least 10 minutes trying to get into my hotel room because my key card wouldn't work. I finally went to the front desk, where they came along with me, then politely informed me I was trying to open the room next door to mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 378

You did what?

By Now we both get punished! - 06/08/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I'm so strapped for cash, I had to send my daughter to play with my neighbor's daughter, both are 5, because she gets fed there. She suddenly came home saying they're not friends anymore, bragging how she hit her and she bled while crying. Why? She bought 2 new toys and gave her one, so they have the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 126

Not so glam now

By Fuck off - 10/08/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I shelled out the big bucks to stay at a luxurious glamping site in the mountains for some much-needed R&R. It was great… or would have been, were it not for the party animals in the other unit. Despite being fifty yards away, I could make out every word of the shit rap they blasted for 12 hours straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 87

Roadside blues

By Anonymous - 14/08/2026 00:00 - France - Marseille

Today, I locked myself out of my car while the engine was running. I called roadside assistance, waited 40 minutes, then watched a stranger walk past, point at the unlocked passenger door, and open it for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 397

Time to push

By Caden - 15/08/2026 20:00 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I left the house to DoorDash and remembered that I forgot to get gas last night. I had just enough gasoline to make it to Costco for better prices. It wasn’t until I pulled in that I realized I'd left my wallet at home. I have approximately two miles of gas left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 332

Mixed messages

By Barry - 19/08/2026 09:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I learned that my wife lets our son play video games while I'm at work to "keep him out of her hair." We had agreed that he was forbidden from gaming until his grades came up, but apparently she can't be bothered to actually parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 73

It's never too late

By Ghosted - 21/08/2026 03:00 - Mexico - Tlalpan

Today, a friend replied to my invitation to watch the Silent Hill movie. The invitation was from January. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 64

DIY top tips

By Doug - 24/08/2026 20:00 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I tried to fix a squeaky door myself after watching a five-minute tutorial. I sprayed lubricant into the hinges, opened the door, and felt proud of myself. Then I noticed the entire floor underneath was covered in tiny black drops. I'd apparently used the wrong spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 270

Gulls on film

By Anonymous - 26/08/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I'd signed up for a beginner birdwatching group because I wanted a quiet hobby. Everyone stood silently in a park for 20 minutes staring into a tree. I finally saw something move and whispered, “There!” The group leader looked through his binoculars and said, “That's a plastic bag.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 57

Hint taken

By Left Out AF - 28/08/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I found out why the guy I like insisted on inviting a friend along on our outings. Apparently, he was sick of me flirting/making moves, so he kept bringing her along in hopes I'd get the hint. Although this time, not only was I third-wheeling, but I watched as they hooked up in the backseat of his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 532

Work ain't for everyone

By Embarrassed - 29/08/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, it was my third day at my new job. It was super hectic; before long, I got so confused and overwhelmed, I had a full-blown emotional breakdown in front of my coworkers. My boss offered sympathy, telling me I could go home and he would never make me work on days like that again, but I still feel pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 297

What are you doing?

By BitchWhat - 02/09/2025 12:00 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, we're on a group family vacation with our old roommates from college. In the ten years in between, I forgot how much I hate their lazy asses already. I'm doing more than usual on this vacation, I cook, clean, and take care of their kids, only for one to ask, "What were you doing for so long?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 153

Don't tell Hbomberguy!

By Bad speech - 06/09/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I was asked to give a toast at my cousin’s wedding. Nervous, I copied a speech template I found online. Halfway through, the groom’s father interrupted me to say, “I read that exact speech on Pinterest.” I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 580

Strange metric

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I decided that I need to lose weight when I discovered I could no longer chew on my own toenails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 2 009

Employee of the week

By Nathalieeeee - 13/09/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I tried to sip my coffee quietly during a quiet meeting. Instead, I inhaled it, started choking, and sprayed lukewarm coffee all over my notes, my shirt, and unfortunately, my boss. She didn’t say anything, but I’m pretty sure she hates me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 180

Parasocially busted

By Anonymous - 14/09/2025 20:00

Today, I spotted a huge Twitch streamer at Whole Foods. I ran up to say hi but caught her making out with another streamer she just did a music video with… even though she’s supposedly dating someone else. She froze, I panicked, and bolted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 300

Same

By Anonymous - 16/09/2025 12:00

Today, I hate my life. I'm too smart, too dumb. I'm 5 year single after a horrific marriage and I can't seem to make any ground since. No one likes me. I can't find a job. I wish I would have died in the numerous car wrecks I've been in. This life has been too hard and I fucking hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 131

Collector's delight

By what is wrong with people - 18/09/2025 09:00

Today, my boyfriend said he had a "long nose hair" collection. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. He then showed me a tin of long-ass hairs. I gagged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 119

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The Top

Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 242

You deserved it 4 256

Today, I became that small percent of people who face three different kinds of complications after their wisdom teeth are removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 095

You deserved it 2 183

Today, I was having a one night stand with a guy. He told me he wanted to do it doggie style, I said okay, and as soon as I bent over on the bed, looked at me and said, "Let's do this with the lights off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 674

You deserved it 13 355

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he'd think of me getting his initials tattooed over my heart. "That's awesome, babe," he answered enthusiastically. "But could you get them on your ass instead?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 735

You deserved it 1 646

Today, my sister made serious plans to move to another country to be closer to the married man she's having an affair with. She thinks this will force him to leave his family. I know who will have to listen to her whining when she is sitting all alone in a different country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 058

You deserved it 136

Today, according to my wife of 30 years, I'm finally old enough that I look, smell, sound and act like my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 119