The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By EwwGross - 31/08/2011 20:15 - United States

Today, I witnessed my neighbor draining his sewage-clogged plumbing into my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 559

You deserved it 1 960

Dexter? Is that you?

By Anonymous - 03/03/2022 18:00

Today, I apparently didn’t teach my son the difference between defending himself from bullies and knocking out the bully's teeth, breaking his nose, cracking his ribs, and grinding his fingers under his boot until the bone splintered. Yes, the cops are involved and my ex-wife blames me, of course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 297

Ruined

By Anonymous - 10/06/2023 10:00

Today, I let my young son play on my RuneScape account, figuring he was too young to do much more than walk around randomly. I came back to find out he'd somehow gotten into my in-game bank and lost a huge amount of money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 1 172

By furryfriend - 16/09/2014 18:46 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was home sick and playing with my dog. I suddenly felt the urge to throw up, so I sprinted to the bathroom. My dog thought this was an invitation to chase me and tackle me to the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 109

You deserved it 3 983

It sort of is

By AMP4U - 31/08/2011 01:28 - United States

Today, my fiancé changed his text message tone to a fart noise. He thinks it's hilarious and laughs every time he gets a text. He's 35 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 255

You deserved it 7 486

By pottyhostage - 08/11/2010 21:26 - Sweden

Today, I freaked out when I couldn't get my bathroom door open. After ten minutes of panic when thinking about how I'd be stuck there for at least 8 hours until my roommate would get home, and another five mentally going over survival skills, I realized that I had forgotten to unlock the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 895

You deserved it 45 143

Parenting is tricky

By Anonymous - 11/06/2023 22:00

Today, I have a friend who forbids their kid from any sort of social media, internet, or way to communicate. Other than school, they have no social life. Yet, they seem happy and like life is amazing. My kid has all of it and I thought I was just being a good parent, but they are depressed as fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 955

By Anonymous - 02/12/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, my lawyer threatened to sue me because I can't afford his bill, which he sent to me after getting me out of a lawsuit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 219

You deserved it 37 087

By Anonyme - 31/07/2011 09:59 - Mexico

Today, returning home, I found my roommate trying one of my bras. When he saw my shocked face, the only thing that came out of his mind was, “Seriously, even my boobs are bigger than yours.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 59

By Username - 06/11/2010 17:58 - France

Today, at my cousin's baby shower, there was a discussion on what to name the baby. When the name Jacqueline was brought up, I made a face and exclaimed, "Ugh, I hate that name!" I was then informed that's the name of my cousin's mother-in-law. She definitely heard me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 650

You deserved it 27 646

Caught in 4K

By reptar2009 - 02/12/2009 00:49 - United States

Today, my parents found cigarettes in my car. After a long argument lasting over an hour, I convinced them that they weren't mine and that I don't smoke. A few minutes later, I went to work. Guess who decided to visit me during my smoke break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 429

You deserved it 87 645

People are people

By Anonymous - 07/01/2021 08:02 - Netherlands - Almere

Today, after almost 2 months of working from home alone, I was out walking and heard 2 guys talking. One was sitting in his car smoking weed; the other was standing next to the car telling him how he was tested positive today. Maybe not mention you are Covid positive when you're not supposed to be in public at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 24/06/2013 16:41 - Belgium

Today, I was feeding some ducks. One of them choked to death on the old bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 741

You deserved it 15 319

By Revalation - 27/08/2011 23:06 - United States

Today, while riding the bus, a creepy guy gave me the "rape glare" and another guy repeated every word to the conversation I was having with my friend under his breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 591

You deserved it 3 091

Cuteness overload

By Cpm - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 892

You deserved it 5 222

Sorry

By Anonymous - 01/05/2019 18:00

Today, I finally got my forklift license after training for a week. Almost eight hours later, I lost my license by not lowering my forks, crashing into and destroying four overhead light fixtures which cost more than $500 in damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 3 041

Great prank, dear

By Anonymous - 24/04/2022 00:00

Today, my Xbox blew up. Apparently my wife thought a good prank was to Sellotape the fan holes, because a YouTuber told her it makes Xboxes crash repeatedly. Well, it didn’t crash, it melted some of the casing, caught fire, which also set fire to the bookcase it sits on, the wall, and our 50 inch TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 823

You deserved it 163

Flying high

By jkim - 08/09/2014 17:56 - United States - San Diego

Today, my husband injured his back badly. He's taken three Percocets, because according to him, he knows the dosage better than his doctor, and is demanding that I let him drive himself to work, with no pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 838

You deserved it 3 958

By breeeeeh - 21/06/2013 22:18 - France - Brou-sur-chantereine

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 690

You deserved it 70 015

By Anonymous - 25/08/2011 18:21 - United States

Today, I got a mass text message from a friend saying she's sorry she can't meet up with our group of friends for drinks because she's busy tonight. This is the first I've heard of any bar-crawling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 441

You deserved it 2 602

Proud dad

By Anonymous - 03/11/2010 01:49 - United States

Today, I was playing my bass clarinet around the house. I asked my dad if he would be at my concert on December 16th. His response was, "No, I'm working that day." My dad is a plumber, and gets called to work completely at random; he has no schedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 363

You deserved it 3 742

In the dark

By Anonymous - 21/01/2021 02:02 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, since I've been falling for the girl I've been sleeping with for the past couple of months, I decided it was time for us to talk about making things official and exclusive. I was confident she'd feel the same way. Then I found out she's an escort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 1 188

By Anonymous - 20/06/2013 19:15 - Germany - Paderborn

Today, at work, a woman demanded a refund for a video game. She had no receipt, so due to company policy, I couldn't refund her. She reacted by loudly accusing me of being racist, then yelled that she'd see me in court as she finally stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 116

You deserved it 3 141

By seagull hater - 09/07/2012 15:44 - United States - San Diego

Today, I left my sunroof on my truck open for 5 minutes while I ran into the bank. When I came out, a seagull had gotten into my truck. I managed to open the doors and get it out, but not before it tore up a seat and pooped everywhere inside my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 708

You deserved it 7 462

By Anonymous - 13/05/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I decided to shave my legs completely to be more confident in my dress. I spent over an hour making sure my legs were perfectly shaved. It wasn't until I had been out awhile that I realized I forgot to shave my armpits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 874

You deserved it 52 314

Lawman

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, my boss in my police department told me to start enforcing the "No bikes on sidewalks" law, which we usually ignore. I pulled up behind the first person I saw riding a bike on a sidewalk and flashed my lights. It turned out to be a boy with Down's syndrome, who was so upset he cried and peed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 619

You deserved it 14 611

Selective compassion

By Anonymous - 06/04/2022 18:00 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, after my wife and and her family often complained about refugees around town and never donated a cent, even blaming a church fire on them, I thought they were just stingy and racist, but now they're donating and even offering their spare houses to refugees from Ukraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 293

By Danielle - 22/08/2011 07:38 - United States

Today, I was upset after a fight with my husband, so I cried alone in the bedroom. My 4-year-old son then comes in and hugs me. I thought he was trying to comfort me, but he then told me he had to go get his quarter my husband had promised to pay him if he made me shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 240

You deserved it 4 408

FML's "Guess the Saying"!

By Louis - 13/04/2017 23:30

Check out these guys and figure out what the saying is. Is it a saying? It's something in any case.

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 171

So close…

By Anonymous - 30/08/2014 06:44 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I almost got lucky with a girl from my course. We've been flirting since we met. After removing her top and moving downwards with my tongue, whilst moaning my name she decided to mention she has a boyfriend and that we needed to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 926

You deserved it 6 276

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Dad jokes Kids Argument Money Neighbours Sleep Health Mental health Embarrassing NSFW Intimacy Family Alcohol Transportation Miscellaneous Birthday Cute I need your advice Relatable Love Sex Friends My ex Awkward Scary Technology Annoying Work Capitalism Divorce

The Top

Today, one of my usually unpleasant managers offered me a slice of cheese cake for doing a good job. I declined, but after some pestering on his part I finally accepted it. I have been violently ill for the past two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 744

You deserved it 3 893

Today, my best friend's parents posted her wedding date on Facebook. My best friend got engaged a few months after I did. The only wedding plan I have come up with so far is a Fall 2022 wedding. My best friend is also planning a Fall 2022 wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 786

Today, I called my mother to hear how my dog was doing, because she had been taking care of her while I was moving. My mom told me she had put her down a couple of days ago, cause she was sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 739

You deserved it 218

Today, after months of isolating and shielding, suffering through the isolation of having caught COVID and letting my hygiene, diet and exercise programme go to shit, I can officially say my pubes are now longer than my penis, but it’s ok because my belly now hangs over my belt so I can’t even see it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 759

Today, I got told I was too fat and needed to stop eating, because I need to lose weight. I was then given a full plate of food and had to eat it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 157

Today, I told a bunch of my friends that I have a crush on this one girl. They all said it's definitely one-sided and I have no chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 177