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By kiwi - 11/11/2009 22:10 - United States

Today, I realized that the most romantic thing that my boyfriend and I have done in the last month is comb lice out of each other's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 660

You deserved it 11 486

By Amelia - 23/06/2019 00:16

Today, I’ve discovered that even if he brushes his teeth for 10 minutes straight, flosses, and rinses with mouthwash, my boyfriend’s breath still smells like a cross between sewage and rotting fish. I’m running out of excuses for not kissing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 244

Worst plan ever

By UGHWHaY - 08/08/2023 00:02

Today, I managed to get pregnant on purpose, in hopes to get my cheating boyfriend to stop seeing his side piece. Turns out he’s "not ready to be a dad" and prefers the homewrecking skank and left. Now I’m stuck with rent I can’t afford by myself, and a baby I don’t even want anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 5 183

Thanks for bringing that up

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother asked my live-in girlfriend if she's had any problems with me peeing the bed. I haven't wet the bed since I was seven and I'd hoped to take that secret to my grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 263

You deserved it 3 110

By SteroidPenguin - 18/05/2013 22:33 - United States - Clifton

Today, I told my dad that I broke up with my first serious girlfriend. He responded by blaring sad breakup songs as loud as he could throughout the house, just to see me "cry like a bitch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 483

You deserved it 7 543

Crime doesn't pay

By fuck_thisshit - 09/11/2009 10:27 - Australia

Today, we got our results for our final grade English paper on which I worked my butt off on, and also which I let my best-friend copy off from. I received a E- and two detentions for plagiarism. My friend got a A-. All she said was, "Oh well, at least you tried your best". FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 376

You deserved it 54 147

Judgement day

By Anonymous - 28/05/2022 04:00

Today, I found texts between my wife and her boyfriend making fun of me. They would sext right before my wife would be with me so she could think of him. She brags about how she picks random fights with me, stalks me, withholds sex, and calls our son names as well. I cannot wait to present these screenshots during our divorce hearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 130

Nice try, Steve

By betrayed - 16/07/2014 20:09 - United States - Portland

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 714

You deserved it 4 603

Just… why?

By Ob3nie - 14/07/2014 17:45 - United States - San Francisco

Today, me and my boyfriend decided to have some fun in my room before my parents got home. My phone started vibrating half-way through, and when I saw my mom's picture, I reflexively answered. It wasn't a phone call. It was a FaceTime. Busted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 675

You deserved it 54 233

By huh - 02/06/2012 20:31 - United Kingdom - Troon

Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise. I stood up, took a moment to soak up some sunlight, and then spent the next hour too scared to go make my morning coffee, after my mother loudly moaned, "Ah yeah, give it to me, Woody!" from down the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 901

You deserved it 2 648

By jcstpierre - 24/04/2009 10:41 - United States

Today, I received a mass email from my boss saying we had a position open at the daycare I work at. I knew my boyfriend was looking for a job so I insisted he apply. Later at work, my boss takes me into her office and tells me my employment is being "terminated". My boyfriend is replacing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 617

You deserved it 5 605

Sorry

By Anonymous - 14/05/2013 22:41

Today, I woke up without my fiancé in bed next to me, but I assumed he'd gone to work early. I went on Facebook to find that he had posted a break-up post to himself from my account and set my status to single. I then found a note with "Sorry" written on it stuck to the kitchen counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 967

You deserved it 3 655

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk

By helen_ - 23/04/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I had to go to my 10 year-old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face, "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 553

You deserved it 6 065

By Anonymous - 05/07/2019 05:58

Today, while we were in a hotel, I got so drunk I apparently couldn't find my room, and passed out in the corridor. I woke up to see hotel staff calling security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 2 062

By cassieono - 10/07/2014 21:28 - United States - Springfield

Today, I nearly had an anxiety attack trying to sneak up on my sister to silly-string her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 867

You deserved it 13 715

By canispankthat - 01/10/2010 11:07 - United States

Today, I caught my husband modeling my cute floral panties. All he could manage to say was "I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 772

You deserved it 4 891

By Anonymous - 09/07/2019 04:00

Today, I finished hauling all of my possessions from another state, because I was supposed to move in with my girlfriend. I was just waiting to find a job. Almost as soon as my stuff was delivered, she broke up with me and told me to figure out getting it all back by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 109

You deserved it 228

Kinky

By marysparklez - 05/03/2021 22:59

Today, my boyfriend is once again mad at me because I refused to have shower sex with him. I’m too embarrassed to explain to him that ever since I could remember, if I don’t take my showers sitting down, I vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 992

You deserved it 500

By Anonymous - 08/07/2014 19:40 - United States - Clive

Today, at my local amusement park, I decided it'd be fun to meet someone on the roller coaster by sitting alone and hoping that someone nice would sit next to me. I rode the roller coaster 7 times. I sat alone each time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 556

You deserved it 13 847

Communication

By ohyaknow - 30/09/2010 09:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I have ever or would ever fake an orgasm. I assured him that I wouldn't, when he has actually never given me one. I didn't have the heart to tell him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 025

You deserved it 37 767

By idiot bro - 06/07/2014 18:04 - United States - Brunswick

Today, after a power outage at my house, my 14-year-old brother was genuinely confused as to why our flashlights still worked if we had no electricity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 776

You deserved it 4 463

Love is love

By o___O" - 10/05/2013 20:11 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, while at the supermarket, a complete stranger ran up to me, got down on his knee and confessed his love for me. He was obviously mentally unstable, so I gently declined. He started crying very loudly in front of everyone. I still don't have a clue who he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 141

You deserved it 4 770

Not sure it's the age difference…

By Anonymous - 10/05/2022 22:00

Today, I regret ever deciding to ask out a younger man. I’m 27 and he’s 21. I’m worried about my career, he’s worried about his Xbox; I love my parents, he’s still rebelling against his like an emo teenager; I want romance, he likes to wobble my breasts while giggling, saying, “Boobies.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 1 978

Pure concentration

By Anonymous - 30/05/2022 16:00

Today, my boyfriend bought Elden Ring and hasn’t listened to me once all day. At one point I got his attention by waving my bare boobs at him to remind him it’s his turn to cook. Unfortunately he didn’t listen to me then either, because, you know, my boobs were out and his ears shut down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 525

By therundown - 20/07/2011 13:38 - United States

Today, while in line at a gas station, I felt something on my shoulder. I turned around only to see a woman behind me pulling the sunburnt skin off my shoulder. When I told her to stop, she yelled, hit me with her purse and ran off crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 654

You deserved it 3 985

By Anonymous - 03/11/2009 14:12 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a man I met on Halloween. It appears that his mullet wasn't actually part of his costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 813

You deserved it 7 276

By sobasics - 06/05/2013 23:43 - United States

Today, I finally got a phone call from a publisher saying they would publish the book I'd written. I'd gotten loads of rejection letters, so I was so excited. Until I realized it was my dad, feeling sorry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 458

You deserved it 3 730

By Anonymous - 24/05/2012 19:23 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I was eating lunch, and accidentally got ketchup on the sofa, so I hastily doused it with stain remover. The ketchup is now no longer there; however there is a larger stain in its place. I stained the sofa with stain remover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 312

You deserved it 4 759

By LostSoul - 19/07/2019 14:02

Today, I was at a store. I asked if I needed a key for their bathroom, and they said the door was open. I have to walk past them to go in and out of the bathroom. Thirty seconds later, they used the key and walked in on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 772

You deserved it 113

Morning conversation

By Anonymous - 15/03/2021 08:01

Today, I went into the bathroom only to discover my dad on the pot. “Oh, sorry”, I say and turn to leave. His reply, “Oh I don’t mind. Just having a shit here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 203

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The Top

Today, my ex gave me a heartwarming speech about how much he wanted me back. After talking for hours and me finally wanting to get back together too, he started mentioning a date he has with a cute colleague. Conclusion: he wants to get back together, but still be able to fuck the entire world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 126

You deserved it 4 478

Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 561

You deserved it 10 195

Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 720

You deserved it 4 340

Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know what that meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokémon game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128 763

You deserved it 24 410

Today, I was so parched I had to take way too long at the water fountain. I was drinking for so long a line started to form. As I finished my drink, the guy behind me puked on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 431

You deserved it 538

Today, a big crab at the beach got hold of my headphones and wouldn’t let go. Rather than wait and try to tease them free, my husband just grabbed the crab and ripped the claw off its body. The man has no patience or respect for other living things at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 285

You deserved it 391