The Top

I know he was bacon for a heart attack. Although the dryer didn't break, I was really porked from doing laundry until he was able to clean everything out.

By newdad - 06/09/2010 23:21 - United States

Today, I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me because she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriend who provided for them left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 889

You deserved it 6 014

Fascinated

By Anonymous - 09/04/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The TV was on with the volume low, as we had been too preoccupied to turn it off. All of a sudden, my boyfriend stopped mid-thrust. He was watching the TV. House MD was on. He'd stopped to watch the differential diagnosis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 472

You deserved it 15 298

By PsychoBillyGoat - 26/05/2014 00:47 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my wife's cat ran away. After spending a lot of money making "Lost Cat" flyers and driving around for hours passing them out and searching for her cat, he walked downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 054

You deserved it 9 825

PsychoBillyGoat tells us more.

PsychoBillyGoat 23

Monday 26 May 2014 20:13

My wife was worried about the cat because he is elderly and needs meds every 12 hours. He also has no claws ( we got him that way). He has never been outside before but lately he has been trying to get out. Also we live in Alaska, more to worry about then cars and dogs getting him

Neighbours from hell

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Oakville

Today, my new neighbours moved in. I've neither seen nor spoken to them yet; all I know is that they enjoy hammering at the walls for hours on end and repeatedly setting off the fire alarm. All this in the small hours of the morning. I got two hours of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 487

You deserved it 2 084

By Anonymous - 18/08/2019 00:01 - United States

Today, I found out my mom booked me a flight to stay with relatives who I don't like, and who don't like me. I leave in two days, and don't return until the day before school starts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 810

You deserved it 158

By Anonymous - 21/05/2014 16:05 - United States - New York

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 880

You deserved it 4 388

By teacher - 31/08/2010 14:50 - United States

Today, I heard two of my students having a conversation. One asked what state Arizona was in, and the other replied Canada. I teach sixth grade social studies and they weren't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 882

You deserved it 8 386

By Ryanissaur - 19/10/2009 05:34 - Australia

Today, being a music student, a professional orchestra performed a symphony that I wrote and dedicated to my girlfriend. It took months to compose and it the first and only time it was ever going to be played. My girlfriend forgot to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 593

You deserved it 3 036

By Anonymous - 22/08/2019 18:00 - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, I managed to break my ankle by running it over with the wheelchair I've used on a daily basis for the last 6 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 655

You deserved it 189

Close

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 01:59

Today, my husband decided it's completely fine to walk around the house with his penis out in front of his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 156

By BekkyLove15 - 19/05/2014 00:12 - United Kingdom - Liphook

Today, I took my son to lunch. After we ate, the waitress came over and told me that my son was the most well-behaved child they had ever had there. His response was to pull his pants down and moon the entire restaurant while smacking his bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 600

You deserved it 7 899

BekkyLove15 tells us more.

BekkyLove15 14

Monday 19 May 2014 18:15

Nope! He ripped the tweeds down before I even had a chance to get up and get to the other side of the table. He definitely knows the difference between right and wrong, and was spoken to VERY sternly when back in the car. Of course, the talking to May have been more successful if my 81 year old grandmother wasn't laughing so hard.

By cek4uytp - 25/06/2011 06:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend caught me in a lie about being on my period. He memorized my menstrual cycle, but still forgot that today is my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 813

You deserved it 18 634

By missblair - 04/04/2009 07:41 - United States

Today, I went and got a spray on tan. I forgot to push the hair cap up. A few hours later, I was completely tan, except for the top half of my forehead was pasty white. It will last for five days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 194

You deserved it 62 614

missblair tells us more.

missblair 0

Monday 13 April 2009 1:09

The tan actually looked really good, not orange. And I don't go tanning all the time. That was the first time ever. Just wanted to for prom. And I did get front bangs.

Profit!

By SueSueSue - 07/10/2023 05:00 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I sent my boss an animated GIF of a dancing banana instead of the report he'd requested. He replied with a dancing potato. Productivity level: absolute zero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 666

By cakefete2 - 11/05/2014 06:27 - United States - San Francisco

Today, some thieves broke into my church and stole our cameras, monitors, and some other hardware. We were planning to use them for the security system we were about to install. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 157

You deserved it 6 179

cakefete2 tells us more.

cakefete2 30

Monday 12 May 2014 4:15

I can't speak for the finances of every church, but at my church we are not flush with cash in the way a mega church might be. We are called to be stewards of the property God had given us and to this end, we asked people to dig deep that we could fill the need that was evident. Sadly, after the sacrifices that were made, we can't help but be hurt. Still, Christians are versed in hardship and overcoming adversity. We will pray for the thief, ask healing for the church, and seek blessings to continue to meet the needs of the community.

By Anonymous - 05/04/2013 22:58 - Israel - Netanya

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with two different guys. Her incredibly moving excuse was that she was getting "more experience" so she could please me better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 593

You deserved it 3 877