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Haha he didn't come to see me, he came to where I was volunteering to pick up his little sister. He just saw me in passing and asked. And no, his apology was definitely not worth a *******.

By G. Briones - 23/11/2011 19:14

Today, my brother lost his first tooth, so I told him the tooth fairy is going to give him money. He now thinks The Rock is going to show up in his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 895

You deserved it 7 025

By Tom - 07/11/2008 12:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I crawled into bed at 2 in the morning. At 6 am, the telephone rang, waking me up. It was a wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 923

You deserved it 13 362

Mystery man

By LifeSucks - 29/10/2008 11:57 - Canada

Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 782

You deserved it 3 985

By bizzyizzy0121 - 21/11/2011 06:28 - United States

Today, I was called by a restricted number. The man on the phone then explained to me in detail what I was doing at every second that I was on the phone with him. I'm scared to leave my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 611

You deserved it 3 217

By Mr Eek - 25/10/2008 16:57

Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 613

You deserved it 12 457

Drowning

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Antonio

Today, I'm neck-deep in debt paying for med school. What's worse, the professors here are so terrible that even the morons on Yahoo Answers are 100 times better at explaining my coursework to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 416

You deserved it 2 041

PSA

By CallMeCherry - 26/08/2020 07:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to "permanently and irrevocably" damage my spine. How? By bending down and picking up a piece of paper. According to my doctor, essentially I need to, "bend over like a stripper if I want to pick something up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 146

By PentiumBawls8 - 20/01/2010 22:38 - United States

Today, while at my job, I walked past one of my colleagues who has been sick for the past couple of days. She knows that I'm a tea drinker and asked me for a tea bag. While conversing with her, I handed her one and left. I then later realized that I gave her a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 184

You deserved it 32 981

By dumpedovergame - 06/07/2009 10:51 - United States

Today, I gave the option to my boyfriend of 5 years to either quit World of Warcraft of lose me. He said WOW makes him happier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 346

You deserved it 33 917

By skyhigh - 13/01/2011 05:48 - United States

Today, I discovered my parents have spent my college fund because "2012 will happen" before I graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 762

You deserved it 3 329

Be warned

By what... - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - North Port

Today, my boss took me to one side and said, "Cross me like that ever again, and you're fired." I still have no clue what he was talking about, and now he denies ever having said a word to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 324

You deserved it 2 889

By SwordFish8 - 04/07/2009 21:56 - United States

Today, while on a run, I thought I'd run into a flock of geese in a field. Doing so, I learned that when you do this alone, the birds don't fly away, they attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 873

You deserved it 64 605

By Foster_Em - 04/07/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I was coming home from a date, I saw my ex standing in my drive-way. He had dumped me 2 months ago saying he couldn't talk me. To make him jealous, I made out with my new guy before greeting him. Turns out he couldn't talk to me because he had had cancer and had been afraid to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 280

You deserved it 79 397

Random encounter

By FML_Elle - 06/10/2012 15:52 - United States

Today, I was walking in the freezing rain when a guy asked me if I wanted to share his umbrella with him. I grinned and told him I did. He then noticed a pretty girl walking behind me and he abruptly turned to her and asked her the same question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 996

You deserved it 2 308

Creeped out

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 18:00 - United States - New York

Today, I found out that my fiancé has been having sex with his sister while we've been together. I'm 5 months pregnant with his baby. They don't plan on stopping and talk everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 849

You deserved it 212

By Anonymous - 02/10/2012 19:39 - United States - Richland

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 745

You deserved it 2 961

By Romantic - 15/01/2010 08:33 - United States

Today, I came home from a long day at work to find a path of rose pedals from the front door. Gasping with surprise, I followed it past the living room... past the bedroom... into the kitchen, where there was a note that said "Friends coming over tonight, we need food, love you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 228

You deserved it 4 163

By IcantDance! - 01/10/2012 16:05 - United States - Daphne

Today, although I can't dance, I decided to go to a club. A really cute girl asked me to dance, and I politely declined. She kept insisting, so I finally said okay. A few minutes in, she stopped, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make fun of my dancing, I'm leaving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 379

You deserved it 2 736

Let me in

By miley098 - 02/11/2011 16:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from school, only to find I was locked out. The cars were all there, but no one was in. It wasn't until I heard continuous banging from my parents' window that it clicked. They kept me locked me for over an hour in freezing weather just to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 307

You deserved it 4 799

The magic of love

By robot lady - 23/09/2020 23:01

Today, I learned just how “old fashioned” my girlfriend is when we talked about marriage. She said it should be approached as a logically as possible and that I make an ideal partner, based on my ability to provide. And while she sees sex as uninteresting, it is a wifely duty she’s willing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 221

Clean break

By Anonymous - 28/09/2020 11:02

Today, I'd taken this girl I'd recently met through Facebook dating to my family cabin. Apparently, her hygiene wasn't that great, because she didn't shower all weekend. The entire 4-hour ride back to her house was miserable, as every time she opened up her legs it smelled like a dead rat. I'm still mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 347

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 06:32 - Canada

Today, I went to my husband's work to give him lunch. His assistant told me his "wife" was in his office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 022

You deserved it 3 051

By N/A - 25/09/2012 04:13 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 509

You deserved it 2 845

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 154

You deserved it 3 020

Today, I had a weird dream I woke up on the bathroom floor at my local gym. Turns out it wasn't a dream, and I passed out from "overworking myself". I was on the treadmill for under 5 minutes, walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 106

You deserved it 14 600

Today, I created myself a Dropbox folder named "Traffic fines". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 312

You deserved it 5 682

Today, after hours of pain due to bad food the night before, I accidentally and silently let rip. My wheelchair-bound aunt panicked and made a dash for the bathroom, thinking her colostomy bag had ripped. I was too embarrassed to admit it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 312

You deserved it 737

Today, while working at a chain restaurant, I forgot to charge someone a few dollars for extra toppings on the side. My stingy boss took the time to take that money out of my paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 842

You deserved it 646

Today, I knew I was a small guy and finally about to get laid for the first time in years. Everything was going great, until she got my pants off. She stared at it, stared at me, stared back at it and said, "Yeah, that’s not gonna happen." Got dressed and left. Sadly this has happened many times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 982

You deserved it 239