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It started on april fools with some very lame joke and he has decided to carry on with it and screw around. Thanks for all of the funny comments and yes, I wanted to punch jeff in the face. He has stopped and I showed him the published FML, XD.

Where am I?

By sam - 15/05/2021 00:01

Today, same as always, I still have to take a moment to distinguish between right and left. I’m 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 331

By Anonymous - 08/04/2014 16:07 - Italy - Vigodarzere

Today, after months of being on anti-depression medication and feeling very little emotionally, I finally felt some joy. Sadly it was from completely crushing my husband in an argument he started, where he claimed ketchup is a vegetable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 572

You deserved it 4 854

Locks are useful

By mjayne17 - 21/03/2009 19:04 - Canada

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house. One thing led to another and we were just getting to the good parts when his mom walked in. After a long, awkward pause, she said, "I like your socks" and walked out. She's a teacher at my high school. I have to see her every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 058

You deserved it 22 304

Hello Zoe

By Zoe123 - 19/03/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his house having sex. After about 30 minutes, his mom came home and started knocking on his door, asking, "What are you doing?" Thinking I might have a chance to sneak out, I got dressed real quiet. Then my boyfriend answered, "Zoe. I'm doing Zoe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 315

You deserved it 16 666

By ripfluffy - 28/09/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, I learned to check inside the oven before you preheat it. Sometimes children hide their pet rabbit in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 673

You deserved it 10 036

Where's mah caaaaake?

By Furi - 28/05/2021 11:01

Today, it was my mother’s birthday. I was on my way to pick up her cake but I got into a car accident and ended up in the emergency room. When I call her to explain what happened, she called me an useless fuck for ruining her birthday by not bringing the cake. She’s yet to ask if I'm okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 95

Sicko

By stalker - 27/09/2009 17:24 - United States

Today, I had a restraining order put on me. I have apparently been following a woman's daughter home after she leaves track practice and parking my car outside their home. I'm a math teacher at the school and leave everyday at 4:30. I have lived across the street for the past six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 303

You deserved it 2 569

By bzygirl - 26/09/2009 21:23 - United States

Today, was my first day at my new job in a shop. 10 minutes after my first customer leaves I realize she managed to steal $200 worth of merchandise while she had me getting stuff for her from the back room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 038

You deserved it 7 835

By BambooLove - 15/07/2010 06:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend woke up wheezing terribly, aching, and sneezing. He's allergic to cats. I have 2 and they are my babies. He gave me an ultimatum, him or the cats. I haven't figured out how I'm going to tell him that I choose the cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 110

You deserved it 65 947

Spill the tea

By panicelement - 27/02/2013 07:17 - United States - Carbondale

Today, my college started an internet "confessions" page. Out of curiosity I checked it out, only to find that it's full of some of the most disturbing stuff I've ever read. My schoolmates are either filthy as fuck or they are all pathological liars. Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 772

You deserved it 5 226

Lost

By Nancy - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after being at summer camp for two weeks, my parents never showed up to take me home. A counselor had to drive me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 733

You deserved it 3 229

Soon.

By erinbarto - 17/10/2019 20:00

Today, I listened to my mom having a conversation with my dog, asking him if he ate my hamster. My hamster isn't even dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 383

You deserved it 143

By noneedtostress - 17/03/2012 15:52 - Australia

Today, I realised my period was two weeks late and panicked about being pregnant due to missing a pill a few weeks ago. Then I remembered I haven't had sex in almost a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 916

You deserved it 10 489

By xtammyle - 19/02/2013 07:01 - Australia - Lower Plenty

Today, I walked in on my dad straightening my dog's fur. His excuse? The dog needed to feel pretty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 613

You deserved it 4 514

Drugs are bad, mkay ?

By theshitguy - 15/06/2021 00:01 - Australia - Kedron

Today, I was at a party. A friend and I went to the bathroom together. She finished, I started to go, realising I need to shit. She was still in the room. People began to knock. My brain told me to snap the shit in half… with my hand. I grabbed the toilet paper with said hand, leaving the bathroom covered in shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 1 233

By DontGetSlapped - 18/02/2013 00:24 - United States - Conway

Today, my mom called me a "heartless bitch" for eating the last Hot Pocket. This is coming from a woman who, just last week, faked having cancer to get out of a speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 558

You deserved it 2 538

Nice try, Patricia

By Anonymous - 25/08/2022 18:00

Today, my future mother-in-law tried to blackmail me out of the wedding with photographs of me with another man. Her son and I met on a swingers website and we both have multiple sexual partners, so we had to tell her the truth. Awkward doesn’t begin to describe it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 394

Bad boy

By nipped - 16/09/2009 13:24 - Australia

Today, I thought it would be fun to tease my dog by standing above her and hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up and bite at my chest whilst I wasn't wearing a shirt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting my nipple sewn back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 993

You deserved it 88 513

Serial killer vibes

By Anonymous - 18/06/2021 22:01

Today, when my son told me he wanted to work with animals, I thought he meant a vet, turns out his actual career goal was to be the guy who puts the strays to sleep at the animal control centre. He got that job and I’ve never seen him happier. What monster have I raised? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 202

You deserved it 192

Play along

By Anonymous - 15/09/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, while talking online with my boyfriend, the conversation turned sexual. He stopped responding but I continued with the conversation. Then I got a response, "This is his sister. He fell asleep and I need the computer. I'll tell him you said goodnight, but not that other stuff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 037

You deserved it 8 107

Randy Mandy

By Anonymous - 21/06/2021 06:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I was eating lunch with my grandmother when a very muscular young man entered the restaurant. As soon as he walked in, my 70-year-old widowed grandmother looked at him and said, out loud, "Ooh, eye candy!" Everyone in the restaurant began staring at us, and the poor guy's face was red as a tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 137

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was trying on wedding dresses with my future sister-in-law who is a little bigger than me. We tried on a similar dress and she said it looked better on me because I'm skinny. Instead of saying, "No way" or "It looks great on you", I accidentally said, "Yeah, I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 482

You deserved it 35 452

Today, I bought some perfume that I thought smelled absolutely amazing. Later, my boyfriend walked in, sniffed, and said, "What smells like bacon?" The bottle cost $83. They won't take a refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 771

You deserved it 9 234

Today, I got into my first car accident. Extremely upset, I called my parents, because it was their car and I didn't know what to do. I told them what happened, and asked if they were on their way to where I was. My dad's response was, "Hell no, we're eating dinner." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 109

You deserved it 8 947

Today, I fell over and obviously tried to grab the nearest object to stop myself. It was my boss's skirt, and both my head and the skirt hit the floor at the same time. I can now confirm my boss goes commando and is a natural redhead, and also I’m suspended pending a HR investigation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 330

You deserved it 372

Today, my husband smacked me quite hard, and I have a black eye as a result. It's not a case of a domestic abuse, it was 100% unintended because he was sleeping and had a really bad dream that made him swing his arm. He's feeling bad about it, and I would laugh it off, but I have an important meeting tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 99

Today, I'd thought that I'd found the new love of my life. She wanted me, I wanted her, we were compatible on so many levels. I have known her for 15 years, and she had asked me on a date. Last night, she unfriended, blocked, and ghosted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 630

You deserved it 134