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Tantrum

By brokedad - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 316

You deserved it 7 589

By xo007 - 04/11/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, as I stepped into the shower, I slipped and fell over the edge of the tub, pulling the shower curtain down with me. I called my roommate to help me up as I put on a towel over me. But before she could help me up, she grabbed her phone to take a picture. The picture became a mass text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 802

You deserved it 3 748

By Divorcee - 15/07/2019 04:02

Today, I learned that my wife had been cheating on me. What's worse? My kids found out three months before I did, and told me that they like him better than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 592

You deserved it 269

Quite rightly so

By Anonymous - 01/06/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I was told my eldest grandson doesn't want me at his birthday party, nor does he want my gift. It would seem he and his younger brother still haven't forgiven me for my prank on Easter, when I tricked them into thinking I was taking them to the 'Big Neighborhood Egg Hunt', when really we were going to church. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 3 958

By Cinnamon - 18/07/2011 00:04 - Jamaica

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her. With my own sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 232

You deserved it 4 381

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 14:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 210

You deserved it 17 284

By Former Professor - 21/07/2019 22:00

Today, I happily went to an interview after job searching for months. I learned a large part of my job would be cleaning the toilets. Every. Single. Hour. I used to lecture at a university until budget cuts happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 151

You deserved it 215

Cosy chat

By sick and awkward - 20/05/2012 06:11 - United States - Silver Spring

Spicy

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 391

You deserved it 3 591

They do

By Anonymous - 24/07/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend told me he would be really disappointed if we had kids before we got married, because it would ruin our plans to go to Disney World for our honeymoon. Apparently, kids ruin vacations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 214

You deserved it 1 207

By greeter - 18/10/2016 06:49 - Canada - Willow Grove

Today, my class had a very important meeting about workplace safety. I thought I led some of my classmates to the meeting very well, until they informed me that I accidentally ran a red light on the way there. They brought this infraction up during the class every chance they got. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 107

You deserved it 3 429

Brief encounter

By stephiew - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a nose bleed in the ladies bathroom. An old lady comes out of a stall and says, "Oh, your nose is bleeding. Well I shit my pants. I'm sure it'll come out in the wash." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 198

You deserved it 2 625

By Lola - 29/07/2019 06:00

Today, for the third time, I’ve had to clean a puddle of pee from the bathroom floor. I live alone, and I’m a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 473

You deserved it 572

By gibbette - 28/04/2013 17:32 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 605

You deserved it 7 327

Do I know you?

By steph2052 - 13/07/2011 00:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I came across the topic of school while chatting. He asked me what high school I went to and where I moved from. I have lived here my whole life, he was my crush for four years, and was in my classes throughout those years. He doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 789

You deserved it 3 988

Get me out of here

By seekerglow176 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Natick

Spicy

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about buttfucking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 700

You deserved it 5 360

Fashionista

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 00:25 - United States - Newark

Spicy

Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 645

You deserved it 5 738

By PositiveElectron - 27/08/2015 19:52 - United States - Glen Allen

Today, my mom decided to show me her new rape whistle. She kept blowing it every couple of minutes while we were stuck in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 705

You deserved it 1 524

Where are you? Oh, there you are

By stood-up - 12/09/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I filed a missing persons report on my boyfriend. He was out fishing and then was supposed to meet me for a romantic weekend getaway. He never showed up and didn't respond to my texts. I found out, courtesy of a voicemail from the sheriff's department, that he'd broken up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 718

You deserved it 4 986

By storyteller - 04/10/2016 16:29 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I noticed I've been an Amazon Prime member for 2 years and never knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 486

You deserved it 3 662

By Yoda - 08/07/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, my drunk father chased me down the street with my little brother's light saber screaming, "Come back Yoda! Teach me how to use the force!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 991

You deserved it 4 900

By JadeDemolition - 24/08/2015 01:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had my driver's permit in an envelope to keep it safe and a letter to mail out. I drove away from the post office with the letter in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 682

You deserved it 8 817

By cowgirl927 - 18/04/2013 11:26 - United States

Today, I was on hold with the cable company for an hour. When I finally got someone, I walked into the kitchen to where it was quiet and slid across the floor, falling on my butt and losing my connection on the phone. My 2-year-old son had sprayed the floor with nonstick cooking spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 762

You deserved it 6 476

cowgirl927 tells us more.

cowgirl927 3

Friday 19 April 2013 4:25

OP here. Hi. Just wanted to say that I am extremely overprotective of my son. The house IS baby-proofed. The spray is always put up...this was the one time someone(not me) didn't put it up on its shelf. And I wasn't ignoring him. This is your standard, garden-variety "I stepped out of the room for one minute" kind of deal. Most moms know exactly what I'm talking about. So chill out some of you.

By LindsayK - 09/04/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, my step-mother threw a surprise party on my acceptance to college. People kept telling me how delightfully shocked and happy they are for me. "UPenn" was written everywhere, when I really got into Penn State. Everyone thinks I'm going to an Ivy League. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 488

You deserved it 5 147

By Anonymous - 13/08/2019 18:01

Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew, who told me he learned about fire safety today. I asked him what he'd do if there was a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell over, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 536

You deserved it 376

By JordLostItagain3 - 21/09/2016 07:17 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I left my wallet on the train again. You'd think I'd be extra careful after losing it once. That's 3 times this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 034

You deserved it 15 257

JordLostItagain3 tells us more.

JordLostItagain3 3

Thursday 22 September 2016 5:06

Hey guys op here! Still no sign of the wallet, had no cash in it fortunately but replacing the cards is a hassle. First time i lost it, some old lady handed it into the bank. One of the train cleaners gave me a call after i lost the second one. Hoping 3rd times the charm? I'm a 20 year old uni student and it takes me about 2hrs to get to and from uni. Basically i live on trains. I've never lost my wallet prior to this year though! Some of you might be saying how could you lose it again!? Well, i think i was too preoccupied trying to text this girl i really like... until it dawned on me when i changed platforms. The sudden realisation as you furiously check your bag is the worst. Looks like i'm investing in a chain wallet from now on:) I'll let you all know if it magically appears(hopefully). If you guys find a black wallet with a bunch of cards give me a heads up! haha

By Anonymous - 08/04/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 320

Teamwork

By Ash_U - 19/08/2017 16:00

Today, I had to dig through my dog's poop again because I thought I saw a worm, but it was just the remains of the paper towels my husband leaves all over the house. My efforts to make them both stop have obviously fallen on deaf ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 449

You deserved it 363

By Anonymous - 10/04/2013 09:06 - United States

Today, I was riding a new horse when a lawnmower starting up spooked her. She jumped straight up in the air and I landed directly on the saddle horn. I can't walk or feel anything between my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 018

You deserved it 4 230

Happy days

By Anonymous - 27/08/2019 16:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I desperately needed a mental health day, so I took the day off work and got some junk food and wine. A few hours later, I'm in hospital with gallstones and pancreatitis, needing an emergency surgery. My mental health day turned into multiple weeks off work, and a lot of pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 604

You deserved it 228

Perv!

By Thithien1 - 01/04/2009 06:07 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 938

You deserved it 12 684

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The Top

The Top

Today, I was going through airport security. Trying to get things over and done with quickly, I dropped my pants without a second thought. Turns out they just wanted me to remove my shoes and belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 669

You deserved it 35 491

Today, I made a joke about having a wedding to my mom and she told me not to joke about something that will probably never happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 909

You deserved it 3 553

Today, my dad is in the hospital for heart failure. Almost every single one of my aunts, uncles, and cousins have managed to find a way to make it about themselves for attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 103

Today, I mistook a stranger in a supermarket aisle for an old friend and gave them a big bear hug from behind. Turns out, my "friend" was just now a very confused man in a very similar, but oddly specific jacket that I thought my actual friend had claimed he made himself. Guess not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 402

Today, I am appalled that my neighbor was fired from his job. Not because I pity him, but because now he will not only light his stinking grill under my living room window every single night, but also play his radio outside all day long. Also right under my window. His garden is HUGE by the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 108

Today, we had to cancel a Disney vacation we had spent thousands of non-refundable dollars planning for over a year because our oldest son tested positive for COVID and we couldn't find anyone to leave him with on such short notice. My other kids are heartbroken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 136