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By anon - 28/09/2015 03:27 - United States - Orange Park

Today, I thought my wife and I would reconcile after being separated for eight months. We ended up sleeping together after a dinner date, but she told told me afterwards that she still wanted a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 077

You deserved it 2 764

Threat

By fuck you, kid - 16/07/2014 18:56 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 378

You deserved it 4 020

By Colin Jr. - 23/09/2015 13:24 - United States

Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 819

You deserved it 1 708

Not respected anymore

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, as a respected artist, I was running a workshop with a bunch of rowdy college kids. I was in the middle of demonstrating a painting technique when I accidentally washed my paintbrush in my coffee instead of my paint water. They waited until I then drank from it to burst out in hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 716

You deserved it 16 524

By Imwalkinghere - 04/11/2016 01:26 - United States

Today, while I was walking to class, I was hit by a car. The driver stopped to let me cross in front of her, started moving again, hit me, and then yelled at me, saying it was my fault for walking in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 076

You deserved it 701

By Anonymous - 12/09/2015 20:50 - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to face my fear of horror movies by promising to hold my hand through the entire flick. He fell asleep 10 minutes into it, farting and snoring in his sleep, whilst I was paralysed by fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 028

You deserved it 3 693

By beyondembarrassed - 05/05/2013 05:44 - United States

Today, I tried to show my boyfriend's mom a picture of my prom dress on my phone. She scrolled to the right to find a picture of her son, naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 203

You deserved it 78 994

By siddance - 04/09/2015 18:08 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had an extreme panic attack in the middle of class. I interrupted another person's presentation, burst into tears, and ran out of class whilst everyone looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 931

You deserved it 3 546

Hard pass

By Gioia - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Bulgaria - Vidin

Today, I was so nervous about a first date that while trying to break a silence in the beginning, I asked, "So, you afraid of any insects?" No wonder I didn't get a second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 089

You deserved it 11 960

By badtiming - 15/09/2010 04:15 - United States

Today, I saw a bad car wreck. I pulled over and ran to the car to find an unconscious man behind the wheel. Another car pulled up, and a guy got out. I was relieved to have help, until, to my horror, he started trying to hit on me. I was stuck with him until the ambulance arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 125

You deserved it 3 296

What are you doing?

By puppylove - 03/08/2019 16:00 - Philippines

Today, my mom caught me absentmindedly staring at my puppy's butthole. She'd also been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 2 015

By Bawsack - 26/09/2016 10:10 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, it's my last day at my job because I'm moving to another city. My boss handed me a card and chocolates. The same boss that didn't sign the card because, "Even though you're a great employee, I probably won't remember your name in a fortnight." I've been there three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 867

You deserved it 1 113

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 16:07 - United States - San Leandro

Today, after months of taking care of my grandma after a surgery, the doctors gave her a clean bill of health, and I finally got to sleep in my own bed. She passed away while I was at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 118

You deserved it 1 809

By do you want a bag - 24/09/2016 04:48 - Canada - Surrey

Today, after 3 weeks of my new job, I'm already having work-related dreams. I'm having troubles differentiating between the 8 hour shifts in real life and the 8 hour shifts in my dream. I'm doubly exhausted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 160

You deserved it 1 061

By ambiiii - 20/08/2015 03:25 - United States - Marble Falls

Today, my niece started crying because she thought that someday she'll look like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 596

You deserved it 2 053

The Apprentice

By panther of the desert - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Puerto Rico - Rio Grande

Today, I was to have an important phone interview for a job. I got a call and everything went perfectly, and they said I was hired. Later, I found out that one of my "friends" had gotten one of his buddies to prank call me and make sure the line was engaged when the real interviewer called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 893

You deserved it 2 314

By kwill256 - 15/09/2016 10:21 - Australia

Today, I had an argument with my partner, which resulted in us breaking up, and me leaving. I drove for half an hour before I realised I had left my handbag, purse, and licence at his place. I had to go ask for it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 299

You deserved it 3 057

Pranked

By Hakimstah - 21/04/2012 17:38 - Lebanon

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 984

You deserved it 4 506

Lost cause

By funny? - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Cupertino

Today, I had a big project due, but when I went to turn it in, I found out that I'd left it at home. The professor said I could turn it in tomorrow for half credit. When I got home, I realized I'd actually had it in my other binder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 908

You deserved it 3 637

By ItchItchBaby - 09/09/2017 13:00

Today, 2 hours before a 13-hour flight, I found out I had head lice. I'm a 24-year-old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 133

You deserved it 480

Gottem

By Anonymous - 04/05/2014 21:07 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, it's my first day working the graveyard shift at a local hotel. My new boss thought it would be hilarious to sneak up behind me while dressed like the Grim Reaper. I screamed like a little girl and soaked my pants. Apparently he does this to all the new people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 795

You deserved it 6 731

It's only a bit of liquid fun, come on!

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 20:00

Today, I asked the guy I'm dating if he could not drink on our next date, because he ends up drunk-driving every time. His response was, "This isn't working out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 805

You deserved it 333

Chewbacca goes surfing

By Anonymous - 24/09/2019 18:00

Today, my wax appointment cancelled on me, we’re supposed to be going to Hawaii in the morning and now I can’t wear a bikini because my stomach and back are hairier than my husband's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 493

You deserved it 487

Trickster

By Oxnar60 - 08/08/2016 18:19 - United States - Harwich

Today, I left my phone at work. After returning to the office to retrieve it, I noticed it was not on my desk as it usually is. I went to the front office and found it on the desk, unattended. When turning on my phone, I was greeted by my new lockscreen: a crap someone took in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 223

You deserved it 2 008

Hangry

By Anonymous - 23/05/2021 06:01

Today, my son threw a temper tantrum and told me I “should have aborted him” and threatened to run away from home. Why? Because I nicely asked him to share his french fries with his sister. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 266

Mixed signals

By PinkTornado - 17/03/2009 14:20 - Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend, after three long weeks of him ignoring me and cancelling out on time we were supposed to spend with each other. He looked at me with the most confused look on his face. Then he said, ''Are you serious? I was planning the perfect day to ask you to marry me.'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 857

You deserved it 97 649

Mystery

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out my 19 year-old daughter is pregnant. The father is a toss up between my 45 year-old best friend, and the 30 year-old guy who cleans our pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 537

You deserved it 8 066

Psychopath's joke

By hannieannie - 20/11/2019 01:00

Today, I’m still recovering from last night. I fell asleep before my boyfriend. He thought it would be funny to stand at the bottom of the bed with a knife and wake me up. I screamed so much that I wet myself and had a panic attack. He recorded the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 071

You deserved it 269

Metal music

By Oopsydaisy31 - 03/01/2020 03:00

Today, my date and I were getting to know each other, and we talked about our favorite music. He's into metal. Trying to impress him, I mention I like metal too. He said his favorite band is “The Gonzorks” and I mentioned that's my favorite too. He looked at me dead and cold and said “Um, actually that band doesn't exist.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 4 801

Come on!

By prochainefois - 31/01/2014 21:05 - France - Paris

Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Come on Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 451

You deserved it 6 928

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The Top

Today, while driving with my step mother, she attempted to have phone sex with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 719

You deserved it 4 672

Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 688

You deserved it 4 082

Today, my neighbour's kitten got run over, so I bought her chocolate as comfort food. When I gave it to her she joked, "Now I'm going to get fat." It was at that moment that my brain stepped out and my mouth took over and I heard myself say, "You deserve it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 445

You deserved it 883

Today, my family decided it'd be a great idea to berate me for not being excited enough for my brother and his wife's baby news. They told us on my birthday, adding that if I wasn't so fat I'd have one too. I have insulin-resistant PCOS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 125

Today, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and talk to my coworker because people have been saying I’m too shy. I say, "Hey" to a girl and she made fun of my voice. She’s the one who told me to talk more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 153

You deserved it 97

Today, my sister told me our mother had died… via email. I didn't see it for nearly 12 hours. She has my phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 92