The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 09/02/2016 16:54 - United States - Richmond

Today, some jackass decided that using the back of my car to slow down was easier than using his brakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 934

You deserved it 1 365

By insideout - 10/05/2009 20:25 - United States

Today, I told my parents that I was going out with my boyfriend and they agreed to let me go as long as I was home by midnight. Did I come home on time? Yes. Was my shirt right side out? No. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 435

You deserved it 128 099

By jaymash - 22/10/2011 13:25 - United States

Today, I was giving a PowerPoint presentation in class. When I put my flash drive into the computer, my folder opened up and a nude picture of myself popped right up on a 110 inch projector screen for all 35 students to see. This is a 16 week course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 498

You deserved it 64 562

By Anonymous - 12/09/2012 21:06 - United States

Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 514

You deserved it 4 365

By Adam - 16/01/2017 08:00

Today, my wife decided to end our dry spell of four months and started dry humping and kissing me in bed. Things were going well until she orgasmed from the activity and declared that she was too tired to do any more, rolled over, and fell asleep. Five months or bust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 848

You deserved it 1 013

Classic Jeff

By Anonymous - 02/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Peru

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband decided it would be a good idea, when he was supposed to do his speech, to stand up and say, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. Genitals. That is all." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 988

You deserved it 1 569

Spirit world

By Anonymous - 21/01/2017 10:00

Today, I got another in a year-long string of threatening letters about my late mother's credit card bill. I've called the credit company repeatedly to settle the account, but they won't talk to me because I'm not authorized to access it. Hope they have a Ouija board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 027

You deserved it 499

By Anonymous - 12/11/2014 17:21 - United Kingdom - Middlesbrough

Today, someone commented on my mother's memorial page on my blog. It said "u need too get over it bitch" and "ur mum was a wh0re". I looked up the IP address and found the comment was posted from my own wifi. The only other person who lives in my house is my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 850

You deserved it 3 833

By justmeagain - 11/12/2018 12:00

Today, my girlfriend left me. The reason? She sent me a link to a story online about a woman who abused her dog to the point of death and I didn’t vomit while reading it. According to her, that makes me a “heartless monster.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 715

You deserved it 267

By bail? - 30/08/2019 06:00 - United States - Omaha

Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 666

You deserved it 184

No pain, no gain

By Anonymous - 30/07/2013 23:19 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I took a run in the woods. Almost halfway through, I started to feel like I was going to faint. I was so dizzy that my sight was getting blurry. I went to sit down on what seemed like a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a huge snapping turtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 582

You deserved it 6 107

By Anonymous - 29/12/2015 17:29 - United States - Charleston

Today, I woke up to several dead snails and worms all over my bed. I guess that's what my little sister meant yesterday when she said I'd be sorry for not letting her play on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 393

You deserved it 2 211

Good job, son!

By peeepeee. - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while taking a drug test for a volunteer job, I found out that I have a "shy bladder". It took me ages to pee into a cup. I was congratulated and clapped for by complete strangers when I finally left, all for taking a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 043

You deserved it 4 553

By Anonymous - 26/01/2019 18:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, in my sleep I let out a couple of farts. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but on this night I had slept in my mom's room. She came to check in on me and violently woke me up because she thought I pooped in the bed. Now my entire family knows I fart in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 152

You deserved it 398

Emotional rollercoaster

By ehcanadianeh - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found $20 under my car seat, so I put it in the cup holder, only for it to fly out of the window while going down the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 026

You deserved it 12 378

By relievedbutashamed - 22/02/2019 20:00

Today, I left a coffee shop abruptly to go to my car to let out some really bad and loud gas. My window was partly open because it's broken. A stranger was walking on the sidewalk in front of me. He looked terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 954

You deserved it 443

Bad idea

By clumsy - 26/11/2015 05:35 - United States - Warrenton

Today, I realized why "Stay off the grass" signs were all over campus. I cut through the grass on my way to my next class and tripped over a sprinkler head, breaking it off and soaking myself in muddy water. I had to sit through a 4-hour lecture with wet, muddy clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 199

You deserved it 29 951

By Sonic - 29/03/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss left a lovely invitation to her wedding on my desk. I plan on resigning during our meeting later today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 256

By Anonymous - 18/03/2017 02:00 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, it's my first day at my new job. Unfortunately, I have a very bad cold. When my boss leaned in to show me something on the computer, I sneezed all over him. A hell of a first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 512

You deserved it 677

By mmoments - 17/11/2015 19:01 - United States

Today, I took a picture of the combination to my new lock so I would always have it on my phone if I ever forgot it. I put my phone in my gym locker, locked it with the new lock, then promptly forgot the combination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 933

You deserved it 26 810

By imgonnadie - 07/09/2014 15:11 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, I'm staying with my grandma and her older sister while my parents are away. It's been two hours and so far they've popped vicodins, talked about banging Alex Trebek, and had a farting contest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 654

You deserved it 4 391

By Anonymous - 10/04/2017 00:00

Today, I learned that the college I'm going to in the fall has been tampering with their ratings on the internet and actually only has a 5% graduation rate. Everything's already been paid for and I can't transfer elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 036

You deserved it 572

Paul Fart Malt Clop

By Cornbreesha - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a mall cop tore up my "Free hugs" sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 420

You deserved it 17 736

By Grant Williams - 07/05/2019 17:37

Today, while mildly tipsy, I threw myself onto my bed at a weird angle and somehow managed to somersault off my bed and land in my clothes hamper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 268

You deserved it 829

By jeffnn - 24/12/2016 04:18 - United States - Melbourne

Today, while building a gingerbread house with my two kids, they thought it would be funny to pee on it while I wasn't looking. Nobody noticed until my wife ate one of the pee-covered gingerbread men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 294

You deserved it 1 001

Mixtapes are my love language

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, at college, the weird guy who stares at me every day came over, said, "I've made you a mixtape," then handed me an old, empty Queen's Greatest Hits CD case and scuttled off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 027

You deserved it 274

By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - 17/08/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 342

You deserved it 7 543

By Anonymous - 23/10/2010 16:01 - United States

Today, my parents told me about how they met. I'd already known they were eight years apart, but I never knew my dad started dating my mom when he was 21 and she was 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 741

You deserved it 4 117

By badcomparison - 18/12/2016 07:02 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I was at Bath and Body Works with a friend of mine. She wanted me to smell a particular lotion and when she brought it up to my nose, she squeezed the bottle and lotion went all over my face. Right after, a worker came by and commented how the lotion "got a little too excited". FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 564

You deserved it 832

By HopelessGRLF - 16/12/2016 19:30

Today, I was talking to a guy I met on a dating site, and he asked if we could meet up and what we should do. When I suggested ice-skating he told me he was in a wheelchair, so I said we could go for a walk instead. I realised my mistake the moment I sent the message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 127

You deserved it 2 190

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Embarrassing Work Money Divorce Education Miscellaneous Relatable Health Sports Love Abuse Kids Annoying Hospital Wanker Intimacy Addiction Management Language DIY Mysterious Awkward Cars Cooking Coworkers Anniversary Transportation Surgery Healthy Lifestyle Growing old

The Top

Today, while babysitting a young girl, I put on the movie Bambi, as she told me it was her favorite movie. I didn't know that her parents always skipped the scene where Bambi's mom dies. Despite my attempts to comfort her, she was still upset when her parents returned. Her mom blamed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 413

You deserved it 1 713

Today, my grandpa took the family out for dinner and paid for everyone. He paid the bill and my family and I were waiting by the door. I realised I probably should thank him for dinner. I turned around without thinking and give him a big hug, and said, "Thanks for dinner Grandpa." It wasn't my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 311

You deserved it 44 929

Today, I was wrestling with my boyfriend, trying to prove to him that I was stronger. I did. He started crying. He then broke up with me because he couldn't be in a relationship in which his girlfriend was stronger than him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 948

You deserved it 524

Today, my teenage stepdaughter wrecked her third car texting and driving. I’ve pleaded with my husband to stop buying her new ones and to revoke her driving privileges. He’s so desperate for her to love him that he’ll give her literally anything. I’m scared she’s going to get someone killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 950

You deserved it 179

Today, both my boss and my wife's boss gave us the day off. Do we go biking with the children? Do we go on a picnic with the children? No, I'm not allowed doing anything until she and I find a world-class, free activity to do. This is gonna be our day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 174

Today, I realized I've become a stereotypical militant vegan when I told a friend that we should start raising Lone Star ticks and dropping them around town so we could spread meat allergies and force people to eat vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 1 414