The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Nice dude

By ThroatSlasher - 17/08/2015 19:20 - United Kingdom - Grimsby

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 034

You deserved it 2 468

By earths_venus - 26/08/2010 12:49 - Australia

Today, I fell down a flight of stairs while delivering a pizza, and severely sprained my ankle. The guy looked at me lying there, and shut the door in my face. I then got told to "Suck it up, Princess" by my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 198

You deserved it 3 481

Earths_Venus tells us more.

Earths_Venus 25

Thursday 26 August 2010 20:25

Yeah I just got back from Emergency and I'll be off my feet for 2 days. My manager is a funny bastard, he heard me say that to someone else a few days before and decided to use it on me. He did end up helping me to my car and getting me an ice pack. No, I didn't get a tip from that asshole.

By Anonymous - 04/08/2010 21:08 - United States

Today, I had to admit to everyone, including my cable guy, that I'm moving back in with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 757

You deserved it 9 446

Got em

By nerd - 03/03/2009 03:20 - United States

Today, I got a call from my friend who invited me to a theme party. It was a goth theme, and I decided to get real into it. I put on a trench coat, black skin tight pants, and black paint under the eyes. When I got there I was greeted by a kid in a pink popped collar. It wasn't a theme party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 173

You deserved it 7 741

By WolfAvenge - 21/05/2015 08:01 - United States - Phoenix

Today, it was the first time a guy has shown any interest in me by calling me pretty. I was so shocked that instead of saying thank you, I hid behind the nearest object and promptly giggle-snorted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 685

You deserved it 6 079

WolfAvenge tells us more.

WolfAvenge 22

Thursday 21 May 2015 20:59

I actually do have his number! We go to film school together but haven't hung out much. We were at a shoot for a fashion show. I totally plan on talking with him more, maybe asking to go out on a date soon too ;) Since I joined the film club we will be seeing a lot of each other from now on anyway. I just want to hang out with him more first though, but I'm definitely interested if he still is XD

By sidldaking - 21/01/2014 23:24 - United States - Highland Park

Today, I had a big final project due for class. None of my project partners would help me yesterday, because they were convinced we'd have a snow day. Unfortunately, we didn't have a snow day, and we failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 616

You deserved it 7 618

sidldaking tells us more.

sidldaking 18

Wednesday 30 April 2014 0:38

To follow up on the FML, I complained to my teacher and informed him about the situation. The project had multiple parts and we were given some time to work on it in class. I managed to finish my part of the project a few days earlier and all I had to do, was wait for my partners to finish their parts and I can put the whole thing together and hand it in. I kept goading my partners to finish their parts but to no avail. Finally on the night before the deadline, I begged my partners to finish, but they refused due to the possible snow day the next day. My teacher understood the situation and he decided to accept my part and grade it for me while the rest of my partners failed. P.S. Sorry for being so late

By Julie - 25/03/2015 05:42 - Denmark - F?rup

Today, it's been three months since my sister broke her car, meaning she couldn't get to work, and I've giving her money every month so she could buy food and so on. I just found out that her workplace is less than 200 metres from where she lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 301

You deserved it 5 174

Rational

By Cold - 17/12/2012 05:08 - United States - Richmond

Today, my car window got smashed in. The cop that came to take the report said they'd already caught the guy doing it, he'd smashed in several other car windows, all of the exact same model and color. His reason for doing it was simple: he was drunk and "hated red Jeeps". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 548

You deserved it 3 853

Mr Tickle

By tortured - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my coworkers were bored. To solve this, they taped me to a chair and tried tickling me to death. My boss joined in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 651

You deserved it 4 670

By Rachel247 - 01/08/2009 23:13 - Israel

Today, we had a hike at my camp. We hiked in a line. I suddenly felt things hitting me at the back of the head. After a few minutes I finally turn around, only to discover a bunch of older guys throwing tampons at my head. They were my tampons, falling one by one out of my unzipped bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 540

You deserved it 10 058

By fuuuuck - 28/01/2010 00:27 - Canada

Today, I had a very important test. Last night, I'd had such bad leg pains that I couldn't sleep, so I took two very strong painkillers and went to sleep pain-free. I apparently accidentally overdosed, because when I woke up, I couldn't see properly or even stand up. And I missed my test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 095

You deserved it 8 736

By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 15:27 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my dad wanted to show me a cool camera he saw on Amazon yesterday, so I let him use my laptop to find it. I realized too late that I'd forgotten to clear my browsing history. The suggested purchases section was filled with dildos and lube. He definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 772

You deserved it 8 913

By Anonymous - 14/10/2011 22:40 - United States

Today, I realized the closest I've ever been to being hit on was with a car in the school parking lot. Even then, the guy claimed he "didn't notice" me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 014

You deserved it 3 048

By darksaber522 - 25/11/2015 21:40 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, my boss fired three of the four other people who were going to work with me on Black Friday in my department. Now it's just me and a new hire. My boss doesn't see a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 335

You deserved it 1 532

darksaber522 tells us more.

darksaber522 12

Friday 27 November 2015 3:33

OP here. They mouthed off to the manager + frequently missed shifts, so they won't be missed (except tomorrow)

By Nuts - 07/11/2015 02:55 - Canada - Grimsby

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 774

You deserved it 3 178

Oh no…

By momma6126 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my mother-in-law is house hunting in my town. There is a house for sale two doors down from me. In her price range. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 129

You deserved it 2 566

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I was at a dinner with my dad's girlfriend's family. I met this guy who I found kind of cute and tried to talk to him a couple times. To avoid talking to me he started playing his PSP. I could see the screen perfectly and the PSP was clearly off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 997

You deserved it 6 163

Bad day

By hopefulanonymous - 20/11/2009 16:01 - United States

Today, I dropped off a box for my sister at her job. In a rush, I unknowingly parked in a reserved spot. When I got back to my car, I saw that my car was being towed. After successfully flirting myself out of an expensive towing bill, I backed into the pole behind me, leaving a noticeable dent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 152

You deserved it 35 136

By fuckingjesusgran - 07/05/2013 22:13 - Bosnia and Herzegovina - Sarajevo

Today, while driving my grandma home from a family dinner, I had to pull into a gas station, because my tank was almost empty. She became convinced that someone would kidnap her while I went to pay, and eventually threatened to blow us up by tossing her lighter at the gas pumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 224

You deserved it 3 568

By blackchin III - 20/06/2014 21:00 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, a fly landed on my face. Before I could even react, my brother "helpfully" punched it hard enough to both kill the fly and knock me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 705

You deserved it 4 683

Hard pass

By Gioia - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Bulgaria - Vidin

Today, I was so nervous about a first date that while trying to break a silence in the beginning, I asked, "So, you afraid of any insects?" No wonder I didn't get a second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 089

You deserved it 11 960

By Pissed.Off.Mom. - 06/10/2016 05:14 - United States - Houston

Today, I got a call informing me that my 16-year-old daughter had been arrested for shoplifting jewellery. Trying to look on the bright side, I assumed it was for my birthday that is coming up in a few days. Nope. It was a "Thank you" gift. For her drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 282

You deserved it 2 569

By canabana - 11/04/2009 08:42 - Canada

Today, I spent 3 hours trying to close a simple $400 deal with a homeowner. He spent 3 hours telling me about his life story including his marital problems, his philosophical views of the world, AND he read me 20 pages of haiku poems. Only 3 hours later did he tell me he couldn't accept my deal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 128

You deserved it 6 230

By my dumb bro - 17/04/2013 16:13 - United States - Gillham

Today, I woke up to my brother chopping all my bangs off. When I yelled at him, he could only shout back, "You can see clearly now, the bangs are gone!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 431

You deserved it 8 764

By betterthanhodor - 03/06/2015 15:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my make-up remover wipes mixed up with my sister's self-tan wipes. I am currently watching my face slowly turn orange and there is nothing I can do about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 160

You deserved it 5 966

By anonymous - 11/03/2010 19:55 - United States

Today, I found out that my art project, the one I've been working on for the last two weeks and the first piece I felt really comfortable about turning in, was stolen out of the art cupboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 798

You deserved it 2 106

By stinky - 24/01/2012 08:15 - United States

Today, my co-worker handed me a note. The note said, "If you can, please take a shower once in a while." The smell was coming from the broken bathroom next to my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 846

You deserved it 2 677

Thanks, appreciate it!

By witt75 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was overdrawn $15 at the bank. I paid in my last $80 in cash, only for them to inform me that I've been slapped with $90 in overdraft fees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 135

You deserved it 6 344

By anx133 - 16/01/2009 01:25 - China

Today, I daringly tried that fish-bath thing, where all these fish come and eat all of your skin's dead cells. I got into it, and after 15 minutes of being a human buffet, at least 20 of the fish died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 549

You deserved it 6 736

By tmi. - 01/11/2012 13:52 - Australia

Today, a customer smiled, looked me in the eye and described to me in graphic detail the swelling that occurred to his nuts after his vasectomy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 085

You deserved it 1 904

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Public freakouts Music Scary Trains Transportation Miscellaneous Gross Birthday Family Awkward I need your advice Love Mental health Coworkers Work Relatable Social Media My ex Kids Scams Friends Weird TV shows First Dates AITA Cops Health Housework Homeowners Technology

The Top

Today, going through my late grandmother's papers, I found out that my grandfather had never been in the Nazi party. The reason he was not allowed to work as a teacher was that he had never passed his university exams. He found an invented Nazi past less shameful than academic failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 821

You deserved it 1 751

Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man", and that my ass was "grounds for discussion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 691

You deserved it 5 070

Today, a customer at the store I work at asked me what kind of cake I would suggest for her husband's 50th birthday. I laughed and showed her the Grim Reaper cake. She burst into tears and explained that he has cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 133

You deserved it 62 353

Today, I asked my boyfriend to ravish me. He told me he would rather play PS3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 303

You deserved it 6 933

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex to music, which we hadn't done before. I was getting close when it cut to commercial. I was so turned off by the idea of coming during an ad break that I didn't come at all. Thanks Spotify. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 731

You deserved it 2 178

Today, my wife announced that she wants to pull our son out of school and homeschool him, because the “liberals” made schools into indoctrination centers that teach children to be, and accept, “gay pedophiles” and other “woke-ass bullshit.” Sometimes I ask myself what I saw in this lunatic lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 195

You deserved it 1 430