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By Anonymous - 25/05/2015 16:10 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I woke up in my living room after having a party. I then realized my fish tank with many different species was missing from its usual spot. After searching for a few minutes, I finally found it in the freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 474

You deserved it 8 385

By Anonymous - 20/12/2013 22:00 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, a man wearing a Santa hat stumbled out of a bar, staggered over to my car, and vomited through the open window into my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 860

You deserved it 4 236

By offtothejobcentre - 31/12/2012 22:42 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boss put me on suspension, a week after granting a subordinate time off to recover from surgery. When I signed the paperwork, I was too embarrassed to admit I didn't understand her writing, which apparently said she was getting treated for "dangerously low levels of dick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 424

You deserved it 25 164

By ScoozieBooze - 20/12/2012 18:17 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I caught my dog chewing on a tampon applicator. I tried to grab it from him, but he wanted to play "keep away" and ran outside. Like a dumbass, I chased after him in my underwear, earning myself the attention of my neighbors on each side of my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 508

You deserved it 32 421

By ~__~ - 20/03/2015 21:23

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 682

You deserved it 2 469

By Anonymous - 01/03/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were getting at it, and then my parents came home. I heard them and we scrambled to get our clothes on. My dad came into the room and found me wearing her pants inside out with her thong around my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 083

You deserved it 45 988

By what_a_loner - 17/11/2013 22:07 - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, I got into a fight with a lawn chair. It won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 183

You deserved it 12 436

Identity crisis

By nato - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss called me Dave. Now everyone actually thinks my name is Dave. It's Nathan. I've been working there for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 937

You deserved it 2 449

By ThreeTimesUnlucky - 17/10/2012 18:52 - South Africa - Edenvale

Today, I received another letter of rejection from the university of my dreams. I got it the first time, but thanks for reminding me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 156

You deserved it 2 229

Weird assumption

By writer4life - 17/01/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 096

You deserved it 6 326

By failure - 28/06/2009 01:00 - Australia

Today, I was sitting in a park with a friend when a small child approached us. Just as I moved off the bridge to let the kid play, he asked if I'd like to play as the troll under the bridge. I laughed and said, "No thanks!" to which the kid responded, "But there's nobody else ugly enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 453

You deserved it 4 388

By VAngelique - 10/01/2010 14:48 - United States

Today, I confessed my love to a guy I've been flirting with for months. He then decided to reject me through a poem on Facebook for all of our friends to read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 599

You deserved it 4 144

VAngelique tells us more.

VAngelique 0

Monday 11 January 2010 23:16

Yea I did...

Which side are you on?

By thefuckman - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 984

You deserved it 1 727

By NoToBombs - 07/11/2014 15:51 - United States - Santa Fe

Today, I got a new roommate. I thought he was pretty cool until he mentioned how everything around us was a conspiracy. Then he asked if I knew how to make a bomb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 389

You deserved it 2 757

By Anonymous - 29/12/2015 00:00 - United States - Granger

Today, I got together a surprise party for my mom's birthday. I invited all her friends and her douchebag boyfriend who I don't get along with. When my mom got home, he took credit and got her friends to back him up with bribing. My mom said I'm selfish and horrible for not trying for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 295

You deserved it 1 550

By anew27 - 07/06/2013 05:48 - United States

Today, I could no longer handle the drum music in the apartment below me so I went to kindly ask the little old lady to shut it off before she goes to bed. Her neighbor came out while I knocked to tell me she is out of town and the music is constant so her cats don't get lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 232

You deserved it 3 347

anew27 tells us more.

anew27 5

Friday 7 June 2013 20:28

OP here, if it was Ted Nugent I was partaking of, I would kindly ask her to turn it up.

By BrokeAsHell - 30/05/2013 08:51 - Australia - Werribee

Today, my landlord emailed me, stating that she hasn't been receiving my rent. After some investigation, I found out she's been using the money to buy booze, and hasn't been putting it into the house owner's account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 948

You deserved it 2 892

By WakeUpToADream - 25/09/2015 20:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 304

You deserved it 1 984

By familyhatesme - 18/07/2014 16:30 - United States - Kingston

Today, I was at my grandma's funeral. While giving the eulogy, I accidentally mixed up "You will be missed" and "You won't be forgotten" and instead said "You won't be missed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 540

You deserved it 7 936

By Shelling Ford - 25/08/2015 11:55 - Germany - Munich

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I said I wouldn't find her attractive in 20 years. What I actually said was that I wouldn't sleep with her mother now, who happens to be 20 years older than her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 283

You deserved it 3 325

By torturedears - 05/04/2013 04:20 - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I went to work at a hotel. One of the guests decided to play the piano in the lobby. He's deaf. Unfortunately, I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 387

You deserved it 6 668

By hamiltonma - 01/08/2015 03:20 - United States - Boone

Today, while volunteering at my local animal shelter, I was asked to clean the cat room. This entailed taking each cat out of its cage by hand and cleaning the inside. They forgot to mention that some of the cats were feral. I now look like I belly flopped into a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 954

You deserved it 2 317

hamiltonma tells us more.

hamiltonma 22

Saturday 1 August 2015 21:00

OP here! The people who were running the animal shelter literally put me in a small room with around 25 cats in cages and told me to clean them. I asked for gloves, and they had none. They also didn't mention that most of the cats in the room were caught off the street and were waiting to be spayed, and then re-released. I went to grab the first cat from the cage and put it into a carrier so I could clean the cage, and it literally went crazy. It grabbed ahold of my hand with it's teeth and started scratching all up and down my arms. After I showed the person in charge, they shrugged and told me to keep cleaning! I went home with scratches everywhere! Needless to say, I will not be returning! Thanks for all the comments everyone! I am feeling better today, and have been religiously applying hydrogen peroxide to me wounds! Thanks again!

By College_Grad - 30/07/2015 17:38

Today, I was detained for trying to "illegally enter" my house, all because my parents forgot to tell me they were being evicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 989

You deserved it 1 686

College_Grad tells us more.

College_Grad 8

Friday 31 July 2015 22:55

OP here. I just graduated in May and have been working 2 jobs (one full time in my field and one part time for extra cash) since a week after I graduated. I am almost never home. I am moving to my own apartment at the end of August. I paid rent, car payments, and utilities to my parents every week because I'm a big girl, planning my own family. I have no idea what happened exactly, but someone called the police because I tried to unlock the front door after I came home from work. Everything is ok. We're ok.

By GPemTGM - 08/04/2012 10:55 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I went to see my grandfather in hospital, to see how well he's recovering from his stroke. He asked who I was. After I told him I'm his grand-daughter, his head almost rolled off his neck in disappointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 365

You deserved it 2 290

GPemTGM tells us more.

GPemTGM 9

Monday 9 April 2012 1:06

At #24. I know my grandfather better than anyone. He remembered me when he saw me and asked if my brother was my husband, I told him he wasn't and he smiled. Then later when I told him I was his grand-daughter, that's when he looked disappointed. I love him more than anything it broke my heart.

By PCop - 02/08/2010 23:21 - United States

Today, I was bored out of my mind at work. I told my coworker he was lucky to be leaving early. I forgot the reason of his early departure was to go to his grandfather's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 601

You deserved it 36 547