The Top

Hi, OP here..for those of you wondering I'm 16 years old and my mom doesn't want to get rid of Buffy (my cat) and honestly neither do I! My mom keeps saying shed rather get rid of me instead of the cat..lol I know she's probably joking and she loves me...but never get in between a woman and her cat!

Drunken rampage?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up from sleeping at my friend's house with a bunch of other people, with my waist long hair cut into chunks on my pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 933

You deserved it 5 513

By WasntWorthIt - 30/07/2014 17:04 - United States - Concord

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 777

You deserved it 5 890

By anon_1996 - 08/05/2013 16:59 - United Kingdom - Haslemere

Today, my boss asked me to read through a document. I gave my feedback, saying it seemed like it had been written by an 8-year-old. Turns out it was in fact written by him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 782

You deserved it 16 180

By crapgirl - 18/04/2009 23:11 - United States

Today, I discovered the worst possible situation in which to get explosive diarrhea: on a 9-hour transatlantic flight. Next to an attractive single guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 139

You deserved it 3 767

By fuckmyjob - 19/06/2014 20:10 - United States - Lake Charles

Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 028

You deserved it 10 190

Good game

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a volleyball game against our rivals. I hit myself in the face with the ball 3 times, fell flat on my face against the court, and later had an asthma attack with no inhaler in sight. We lost the game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 196

You deserved it 6 914

By imonfmlnow - 13/08/2015 16:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex, and he asked me to tell him what I wanted him to do. I said I wanted him to make me scream and cum. To which he replied, "Okay, be realistic now". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 820

You deserved it 4 614

imonfmlnow tells us more.

imonfmlnow 7

Friday 14 August 2015 17:14

Some of your comments kind of make me cringe, but this is FML so I guess I should have expected that. It was in fact not my boyfriends first time, not even close :P it was one of my first times, actually. He is the first person I've had sex with, and he knows what he's doing WAY more than I do. Anyways, he's just a really funny guy. He's confident and cocky and a goober and i love him. The first time we had sex I told him to talk dirty to me so he said okay and started whispering things like "the kitchen sink. The floor when I don't vacuum." And we both ended up laughing so hard we were crying. He's a fantastic guy, the love of my life, and I wouldn't leave him for anything. To wrap this up, why are people saying my expectations are too high? I've never had an ******, but I've given my boyfriend more than a few. I just wanted to know if I could have one, because I haven't got anywhere near an ****** yet in any sexual situations I've had in my whole life. I wasn't having false expectations, I think it's pretty normal to want to experience an ******. Anyway, thanks for reading!

Looking good

By XxHinkaixX - 01/08/2010 02:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking through an old photo album of mine. I turned to a page with a picture of me on my last day of college. I thought the picture was quite nice. He turned to me and said, "Don't worry, I take bad pictures too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 531

You deserved it 3 494

By roadie42 - 25/05/2015 03:15 - United States - Farmington

Today, my dog was knocked unconscious. I had to race him to the vet and pay a small fortune for x-rays and shots. All because he ran into the kitchen at full speed and smashed headfirst into the refrigerator after hearing me open a bag of turkey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 003

You deserved it 3 105

roadie42 tells us more.

roadie42 21

Monday 25 May 2015 17:49

Hey, OP here! The vet was worried that he might have a concussion, so they gave him shots to prevent/reduce any swelling. I think he also received a sedative for the x-ray. Anyway, he's doing just fine now...back to his normal happy self. And he got some turkey in the end for his trouble :)

By finalssuck - 21/05/2010 15:01 - United States

Today, I found out that I have been studying for the wrong final exam. One more hour until the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 732

You deserved it 36 792