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this is literally my first FML ever made, let alone published!!! This was really surprising to wake up to. But to elaborate a little bit more, yes i did have to stay and clean it up, but i did get paid to do it. The lady in the motor scooter did not make any purchases and walked out of the store right after it happened (walking perfectly fine), probably to avoid conflict. So no one got the chance to talk to her. luckily i had no immediate plans after work other than sleep!

Small talk fail

By notapervert - 28/02/2013 07:57 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, I managed to score a date for the first time in over a year, and was very nervous. When I was asked what I do for a living, I laughed nervously, and then blurted out, "Finger women." What I was trying to jokingly say was that I'm a gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 985

You deserved it 39 716

By Anonymous - 16/01/2013 05:52 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 555

You deserved it 53 704

It's a match!

By Ren - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Medina

Today, I went shopping. At the counter, the cashier started flirting with me and asked me for my number. He was cute, so I gave it to him. After walking out of the store, I got a text that said, "I didn't want to say it out loud, but your pants are unzipped." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 668

You deserved it 5 802

By fs - 23/11/2013 23:45 - United States - Northfield

Today, I realized that no matter what I accomplish in life, I'll always be remembered for being the son of a woman so stupid that she claimed she used to be Elvis Presley's mistress. She was still an infant when he died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 447

You deserved it 3 295

By ericabearr - 18/11/2013 20:14 - United States - Nacogdoches

Today, I realized I need to start hitting the gym, when my boyfriend actually utilized my love handles during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 762

You deserved it 11 612

ericabearr tells us more.

ericabearr 10

Wednesday 20 November 2013 8:07

Yes I am aware that "that's what they're there for." I personally do not want them there. They make me self conscious. I'm choosing to go to the gym on my own and not for my boyfriend. He tells me I'm beautiful regardless of how I feel about myself. Maybe he can fun something new to grab onto though! Haha! Thanks for the comments though y'all! :)

By Anonymous - 19/01/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, I drove to buy new sneakers to work out and lose weight. Coming out of the store, I saw someone had parked too close to me. I had to beg a stranger to back my car out for me, because no matter how I tried, I couldn't get into the driver's seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 462

You deserved it 10 206

By resurrected - 04/09/2013 15:59 - United Kingdom - Worthing

Today, I collected my new timetable at college only to find I've been dropped from all my classes. I've been listed as deceased. I'm definitely not dead and have no idea how I supposedly died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 125

You deserved it 2 990

Treat yourself

By birthday bash - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. She decided that her "gift to herself" would be to leave the loser who has been holding her back for two years. Hello, my name is Ben, and I'm that loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 232

You deserved it 5 252

By UglyApparently - 05/10/2011 16:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I told a guy at work about my boyfriend. His immediate response was to ask me if I was making him up. He's the third person to react this way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 242

You deserved it 3 930

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom - Chatham

Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 435

You deserved it 3 444

By 27161697 - 22/07/2013 04:45 - United States - Malden

Today, I had to wake my mom up. While she was naked. On the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 455

You deserved it 3 688

27161697 tells us more.

27161697 19

Tuesday 23 July 2013 4:28

hey I'm the OP and what happened was that we were both sleeping in the same room (well she was asleep) and she started snoring so i yelled at her which woke her up. then she realized that she had to use the bathroom so half asleep she took her bathrobe off and sat on the toilet. she fell back asleep because she went to bed about 2 hours before and had to wake up in another 2 hours to catch a plane. my mom is only 50 and i am 15. by the way all of your comments made me laugh and yeah i really do wish that memory would erase!