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By appaluver - 03/09/2011 23:53 - United States

Today, I was at my friend's house and accidentally blew out a candle that was supposed to be lit for seven days straight. It was in honor of her grandmother who had recently died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 783

You deserved it 14 798

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 14:43 - United States - Tyler

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married when his wife showed up at my door. That's about the same time she found her husband is gay, and that Ashley can be a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 239

You deserved it 2 821

Easter surprise

By aprilfooled - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, for April Fools' day, my entire class decided to prank our religion teacher. During our daily meditation time, while his eyes were closed, we slowly got out of our seats and left the classroom. Two minutes later he opened his eyes, locked us out, and called the dean to give us all detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 189

You deserved it 77 375

By lolo - 22/02/2013 00:16 - Israel - Ofaqim

Today, I downloaded a movie that I already own on DVD, because I was feeling too lazy to get up and fetch it from the living room. I think I've hit rock bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 124

You deserved it 50 286

By loserr - 28/02/2014 17:13 - United States - Highland Park

Today, I made myself a hot pocket for lunch. I managed to scald myself on the red-hot cheese, and at the same time bite into the center, which was somehow still frozen solid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 081

You deserved it 7 173

By Milked Richard - 06/02/2015 04:14 - Australia - Wagga Wagga

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 210

You deserved it 5 649

By Hello Nurse - 24/09/2012 04:32 - United States - El Macero

Today, a very attractive man asked me out. I'd have been flattered if I weren't the nurse assigned to his laboring wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 406

You deserved it 1 772

By sadcinderella - 22/12/2009 07:01 - United States

Today, I spent my day alone while my parents and siblings were at school and work. Trying to be helpful, I cleaned out the fridge, did 5 loads of laundry, worked outside, fed the pets, and made dinner for the entire family. The evening was spent hearing complaints about how wrong I did everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 529

You deserved it 3 313

By nickyboy - 02/12/2010 17:02 - Australia

Spicy

Today, while having sex on the couch with my single neighbour, a beam in the couch broke. Not even slightly fazed, she said, "It's okay, my husband can fix it." Husband? FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 960

You deserved it 8 691

Ewwww

By Mars - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a haircut. Right after the lady finished washing my hair she grabbed a towel to wipe her nose. She then used the same towel to thoroughly dry my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 405

You deserved it 5 078

By kay - 01/06/2012 21:08 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, a homeless guy grabbed me and started ranting that "the Mayans were right" or some shit. He was making about as much sense as Charlie Sheen outside of a padded cell, so I shoved him away. That's when he decided to pull a knife and chase me all the way to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 005

You deserved it 4 361

Mortifying

By Anonymous - 15/07/2015 16:29 - United States - Katy

Spicy

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say, "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 393

You deserved it 2 760

No warning

By daddy-to-be - 20/03/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, as I was getting my mail, I noticed I'd received a free coupon from a baby supply store, saying, "Congratulations on your pregnancy!" Thinking it was a mistake, I showed my girlfriend, who I live with. All she had to say was, "Surprise!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 149

You deserved it 17 346

Spill the tea

By panicelement - 27/02/2013 07:17 - United States - Carbondale

Spicy

Today, my college started an internet "confessions" page. Out of curiosity I checked it out, only to find that it's full of some of the most disturbing stuff I've ever read. My schoolmates are either filthy as fuck or they are all pathological liars. Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 772

You deserved it 5 226

By charlotte273 - 30/06/2010 09:39 - United Kingdom

Today, in an attempt to save money on waxing, I bought Veet hair removal cream. I also discovered it has the same effect on carpets. Now I have to pay for a replacement. So much for saving money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 282

You deserved it 13 921

By Caligirl1996 - 09/06/2015 06:10 - United States - Long Beach

Today, the guy I made cookies for, spent hours getting ready for, and drove 3 hours in traffic to see never actually wanted me to come. When I knocked on his door, he opened it, but immediately closed it in my face. He then texted me saying, "I met someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 449

You deserved it 3 154

Caligirl1996 tells us more.

Caligirl1996 9

Wednesday 10 June 2015 10:31

OP here. Yes, there is more to the situation that I could not explain with so few characters. Him and I go to college together, and we have been dating for close to three months. I left for summer, but he stayed on campus because he is taking a summer course; therefore, we talked about me coming to his dorm, on our campus, for a visit because we missed each other. I do admit that I should have recognized that he was not mature enough to maintain a long distance relationship but we all make mistakes right?

By hairy - 08/03/2012 14:30 - Serbia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. Apparently, my nose hair scares him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 557

You deserved it 13 825

By Anonymous - 07/03/2012 06:46 - United States

Today, at work, we had an extremely rude customer who started cussing at us, and my coworker started cussing back. I jumped on the register to quickly bring down the line, and apologized to everyone for the scene. A secret shopper was in the line and claimed that I was rude. I got written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 938

You deserved it 2 482

It got a bit out of hand

By mark - 06/06/2010 23:48 - United States

Today, I went downstairs after a family argument. The front door was kicked in, the sink faucet was snapped off, and there were broken plates all over the kitchen floor. I later found out that the argument was over who left the refrigerator door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 883

You deserved it 2 614

By _philliesfan - 14/09/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was prioritizing my extreme amount of homework. I read over the front page of my psychology paper seeing that it was pretty easy questions, I decided to do it last. Little did I know there was a 8 page essay on the back of the page. It's 12:19 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 740

You deserved it 21 172

By Pennepestoem - 05/01/2013 19:07 - Philippines - Makati

Today, my friend and I were trying out a site on which you talk to strangers using a mic and webcam. We came across a cute guy, who said to my friend, "Tell the fat guy to move." He was referring to me. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 755

You deserved it 5 830

Pennepestoem tells us more.

Pennepestoem 7

Sunday 6 January 2013 15:44

Hey this is the op. lol to #57 i have 38 d cup so i think yeah that's the reason. And i dont have a moustache it's just that i have a curvy body structure but really dont look like a man and i was also wearing a gray loose jacket at that time and yes my friend did stick up for me. Funny comments lol

Channelling GG Allin

By dudeyouarefired - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 505

You deserved it 4 868

By me. - 12/11/2012 04:30 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, my father told me to take the car and get some groceries. An hour and a half later, coming home with the groceries, I see the cops all around my house because my dad had called them, thinking that I had run away and stolen the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 151

You deserved it 1 736

By bob - 07/02/2011 06:52 - Canada

Today, I found out that FedEx delivered my $700 package to the wrong person. The person who signed for it didn't even spell my name right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 444

You deserved it 2 622

By Chan - 23/01/2010 03:16 - United States

Today, I was holding my son and smelled poop so I checked his diaper, but there was nothing there. Then I realized it was my breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 114

You deserved it 40 596

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 09:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, I acted like I always do when I'm alone in my seemingly sound-proof apartment. I sang loudly, talked back to the TV, used my vibrator. Later, in the silence of the night, I heard my neighbor next door YAWNING. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 786

You deserved it 35 915

By Annette - 22/09/2012 16:17 - United States - Seattle

Today, I started my new job. Less than one hour into the day, my boss told me that the reason he hired me was that I was the least attractive of everyone he interviewed, so I'd be less likely to cause a distraction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 355

You deserved it 2 106

By stillavirgin - 03/01/2010 07:41 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I changed my 2009 new year's resolution to lose my virginity to my 2010 new year's resolution. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 269

You deserved it 5 953

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 09:03 - United States

Today, I figured out why my name is Ashley. In order to tell my older sister about getting a new little sister, my parents thought it would be a good idea to make her imaginary friend "Ashley" real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 648

You deserved it 3 180

Messy

By chuchie - 12/06/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my 5 month-old nephew, who hasn't pooped in two days according to his mom. Well, he pooped. I accidentally stuck my finger in it. While I was wiping my finger off, he rolled over and peed on my new carpet. I rolled him over to clean the pee and he opened fire and pooped again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 605

You deserved it 6 668

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The Top

The Top

Today, I felt pretty. As I deal with a severe anxiety and depression, I was proud of myself. All until a little girl asked: "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 779

You deserved it 3 403

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to bend my iPhone 6 like there's no tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 676

You deserved it 14 311

Today, my estranged, alcoholic father decided to tell me I have a sister. After 30 minutes of him describing how beautiful she is, how much we look alike, and how she has lived one town away from me her entire life, I was excited to the point of tears. Too bad she died a year ago. Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 295

You deserved it 2 353

Today, I went to the post office. As I entered the building, my car alarm went off. Thinking I'd accidentally pressed the alarm on my keys, I shut it off without looking. When I returned to my car, the passenger window was demolished and my purse with all my money was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 083

You deserved it 39 695

Today, I've had the exact same dream every night for a month. I'm sick of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 112

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument over whether Prince actually appeared in an episode of New Girl. He refused to believe me, saying it was "too weird". I had to find the specific episode to show him. He then said, "Are you sure that's really Prince?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 180