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By bym5052 - 15/07/2011 00:28 - United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. I side swiped the truck next to me merging into another lane. He was in my blind spot. It was a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 861

You deserved it 14 571

By chiara - 26/08/2015 10:25 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I spent the day sobbing in my bedroom and talking shit about him on Facebook after blocking him. He ended up changing his mind and calling me, asking me to take him back. Now I have to awkwardly explain to everyone that we're back together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 617

You deserved it 43 282

Exhausted parents can relate

By ajnmegs - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Aurora

Today, while watching TV with my wife, I realized that we were still watching "My Little Pony" even though the kids had been asleep for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 675

You deserved it 6 067

By cremyfrozentreat - 10/03/2013 13:40 - United States - Orlando

Today, our dog jumped on the bed while my fiancé and I were having sex, and let out the most horrific fart. My fiancé, like a gentleman, held my nose closed while he continued banging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 896

You deserved it 9 652

cremyfrozentreat tells us more.

cremyfrozentreat 11

Wednesday 13 March 2013 1:41

You're right, I did not plug his nose. I was too busy laughing at the whole situation. He shoved his nose into my boob while he held my nose closed. I don't know how he managed to keep erect with everything.

By Anonymous - 17/02/2014 02:29 - United States - Hedgesville

Today, I was throwing rocks into a pond while our class was on a field trip. The teacher started to pass around an old rare civil war bullet. As the bullet got to me, I threw another rock in the river, only to notice a rock in my hand and the bullet gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 533

You deserved it 62 985

By purebliss - 06/12/2013 00:43 - Australia - Rozelle

Today, upon hearing of the death of Nelson Mandela, I posted a link on Facebook to the South African children's hospital in his name and donated. I was completely ignored whilst my newsfeed became clogged by my middle-class friends with "RIP Nelson Mandela" and photos of Morgan Freeman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 839

You deserved it 6 139

purebliss_fml tells us more.

purebliss_fml 19

Friday 6 December 2013 9:09

OP here :) Some of you have taken this the wrong way so let me clarify - I was in NO way trying to garner 'likes' for donating to the Nelson Mandela Children's Hospital. I never even mentioned that I donated, I just posted the link and a little comment saying Please donate in honour of his memory. I assume no one donated because they didn't say anything and I just think it's a bit sad because even a couple of dollars goes a long way. Not many of my friends would have heard of the hospital either so I thought if I brought it to their attention they could donate and help the children in South Africa receive the care and treatment they desperately need. I believe it's a great way to honour Nelson Mandela's memory.

By weave9z - 04/09/2012 02:08 - Canada - Montreal

Today, my wife made up her own theme song for when she pees in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 207

You deserved it 3 168

By PiZzA_FaCe - 29/05/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I was working at a day care center. A 5 year old boy came up to me telling me he wanted to eat my face. Confused, I asked him why. He said, "Because your face looks like pizza." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 351

You deserved it 5 283

By nick - 24/07/2012 00:52 - United States - Palm Desert

Today, it was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 514

You deserved it 12 610

By Anonymous - 02/12/2009 20:20 - United States

Today, my very good friend ratted me out to my boss because I used the photocopier for personal use. He said he will always be my friend, but "rules are rules." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 281

You deserved it 9 166

By regstl - 01/06/2013 06:21 - United States - Beaverton

Today, as I was getting out of my car, an old and obese lady walked up to me and called me an "inconsiderate heartless bitch" for using the last handicap parking spot. I guess she didn't see my wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 229

You deserved it 3 326

Well done sweetie

By Mommy - 29/09/2010 22:47 - United States

Today, my daughter watched a potty training video on Sesame Street. In the middle of the video, she got up and ran to her potty to practice. She then announced, "All done!", and proudly closed the lid to her potty. She then immediately stood on top of it and peed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 529

You deserved it 3 688

By emily - 15/07/2011 22:21 - United States

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend of two years. He asked me to turn off my webcam. I asked why, and he said to just trust him. Turns out it was because he didn't want to see my face as he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 848

You deserved it 3 257

Sweet talking

By ... - 21/04/2012 02:49 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I called my mobile phone provider to end my contract. A sales rep spent over half an hour trying to convince me to reconsider, and I kept refusing. I ended up breaking down and accepting a "more economical" contract, which I didn't notice costs almost twice as much as the last one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 071

You deserved it 38 429

By jll14 - 31/03/2013 22:27 - Malaysia - Kota Kinabalu

Today, my mom has forbidden me from drinking skim milk, because my sister is upset that I'm skinnier than her. The same sister who refuses to drink any other milk than 2% chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 650

You deserved it 2 852

By Uhh - 13/06/2011 16:12 - United States

Today, I was at my sister's wedding reception. My boyfriend of 3 years decided to give a toast to the happy couple. He was drunk and confessed his undying love to my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 215

You deserved it 3 831

By Anonymous - 28/05/2010 23:51 - United States

Today, I went out to eat to celebrate getting over the stomach flu. I hadn't eaten solid food in over a week, so I was really excited and ordered my favorite dish. It gave me food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 898

You deserved it 4 790

Wakey wakey

By sacked - 22/02/2010 19:51 - United States

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 377

You deserved it 24 033

By batgirl - 20/11/2008 12:55 - France

Today, I get to see my boyfriend again after a month. So I decided to shave my pubic hair in the shape of a heart. After my little striptease, he gasped in admiration "Aaaw, Batman sign!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 209

You deserved it 16 139

Asshats

By lprocter1982 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I got shot at. Not by police, but by a hunter. While at work. Driving a garbage truck. How the hell a hunter mistook an orange-clad garbageman in a truck for a deer is beyond me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 146

You deserved it 3 025

Hush hush

By Anonymous - 20/06/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, one of my good friends confided in me about the affair she is having with our boss. She'd been sleeping with him for three months and told me they were in love, but it had to be kept quiet due to our company's very strict anti-fraternization policy. I've also been secretly seeing him all year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 398

You deserved it 23 973

Very strange behavior

By Loserbot - 04/09/2012 01:02 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 529

You deserved it 28 461

By Anonymous - 21/08/2012 00:46 - United States - Oregon

Today, at football practice, the biggest lineman shouldered me so hard in the groin that my protective cup pushed back with enough force to crack the bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 821

You deserved it 2 143

By danonno - 02/08/2012 21:08 - Canada - Nelson

Today, I was sitting under a rather large house plant in my dining room, minding my own business when a spider lowered itself right in front of my face. It startled me, causing me to gasp, which resulted in me inhaling the spider. I then spent 3 minutes choking on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 311

You deserved it 3 299

By hot coffee - 12/07/2012 15:17 - United Kingdom - Farnham

Today, I discovered I'd left my coffee on top of my car when it fell through the sun roof whilst I was driving, showering me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 826

You deserved it 27 155

By medosin - 21/05/2012 12:10 - Austria

Today, I went into Whole Foods asking if they carried a supplement called Carnosine. The girl assisting me had no idea what it was, but asked, "Is this for weight loss?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 345

You deserved it 4 594

By wtfisgoingon - 28/04/2013 10:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was in the middle of having a shower when I noticed a camera hidden in the corner of the room pointing directly towards the shower which I stood in butt-naked. I live by myself and have recently only moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 382

You deserved it 3 726

And you ask find yourself, "Well, how did I get here?"

By soontobesingle - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Sherborne

Today, my husband called me, saying he was in the hospital with a friend who'd just broken his arm. Too bad I then heard a female voice in the background mutter, "She'll never buy that". FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 062

You deserved it 4 421

Brain fart

By Username - 09/06/2011 18:30 - United States

Today, I spent fifteen minutes looking for my phone in my car before I realized I was using it as a flashlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 850

You deserved it 61 097

By JoshuasGirl - 23/12/2013 19:13 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 129

You deserved it 6 462

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I was having a dream that I was climbing out of a well. While almost out, I felt someone grab my knee; I screamed loud in terror. When I opened my eyes, nearly 25 people were staring at me. The lady across from me apologized for hitting me with her bag. I was on the C-train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 584

You deserved it 7 454

Today, I got a new piercing because I was trying to be spontaneous. Now, I realize its placement is off and I hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 1 032

Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 839

You deserved it 3 326

Today, when my dad said he was dating a woman he met at his retirees social club, I assumed it was a woman also in her 60s. Nope. Barmaid. A whole 42 years younger than him, 9 years younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 114

Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 879

You deserved it 118

Today, my husband and I went for our 20 week scan and found out we're having a girl. The first thing he said to me was, "The next one better be a boy or I'm leaving you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 597

You deserved it 4 921