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Nah, she was just shocked when my volcano erupted, and in a spout of horror and confusion she decided that my face would be an appropriate place to wipe her hand. At least she kept it off my clothes huh!

By Anonymous - 27/12/2010 18:37 - United States

Today, after shoveling one guy's steps, sidewalk, and driveway for two hours straight, I went to ask for my money. He said, "Work is its own reward!" and shut the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 559

You deserved it 5 885

Damn

By happybudiess - 14/10/2011 04:30 - United States

Today, I went to the free clinic down the street to prove to my girlfriend I don't have any STDs so that we can finally have sex. Turns out I have one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 256

You deserved it 55 566

Charming

By Anonymous - 18/05/2009 16:46 - Egypt

Today, the man I was going on a dinner date with bought me an expensive necklace. We got to the table he had reserved when his friend came and sat with us. Somehow, the subject of getting it on came up. My date then said, "Expensive jewelry - one way ticket to her pants." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 084

You deserved it 6 735

By Anonymous - 21/02/2013 13:43 - United States - Boise

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 979

You deserved it 12 002

Resting bitch face

By Emily - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to explain to this really intimidating girl that I wasn't giving her a dirty look, and that it was just my face at rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 668

You deserved it 3 067

Jealous much?

By Anonymous - 09/02/2010 06:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told my hamster he loved her. Repeatedly. In 'cute' baby voices. He has yet to say it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 392

You deserved it 5 798

By blah - 01/02/2010 06:43 - France

Today, it's officially been two weeks since I found out I have mono. It's also been two weeks since anyone has visited me, called me, or even emailed me. The real kicker? I'm now fired from my job because they can't believe I can have mono twice in one year. I guess I'm just lucky that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 275

You deserved it 3 740

Hangry

By Anonymous - 25/06/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, a man from across the bar looked at me, pointed, and said "MMMM, now THAT'S what I want." Offended, I confronted him to tell him I felt disrespected by him referring to me as 'that.' Turns out, he was pointing to the cheeseburger that the waitress behind me was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 908

You deserved it 54 769

By adieuvelib - 15/10/2011 01:53 - France

Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 222

You deserved it 5 799

By KatrinaKitten - 16/07/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant, where the chefs cook the food right in front of you. Our chef tossed an egg in the air, but sadly didn't catch it. Don't worry though, my hair got it instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 100

You deserved it 3 556

By Ouchies - 01/10/2009 22:31 - United States

Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 313

You deserved it 3 802

By thismakesmesad - 07/09/2011 16:16 - United States

Today, I received an email from my boyfriend. It contained a link to a site that was titled "How to Give Head". It also said "Have a nice day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 474

You deserved it 7 597

Bored

By Taylor parsons - 29/10/2010 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 477

You deserved it 7 555

By anonymous - 16/07/2015 22:21 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I watched a young shop assistant try her hardest to flirt with my 20-year-old son. When he continued to be totally oblivious, she outright invited him back to her flat. When he asked, "What for?" a piece of my soul died at how completely I have failed as a father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 231

You deserved it 5 178

By mybfthecrossdresser - 20/01/2015 15:08 - Australia - Scarborough

Today, I found out my boyfriend dresses in my underwear and tights, takes suggestive shots of his ass and legs, and uses them to trick people into thinking he's a girl so they buy him stuff in his online games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 969

You deserved it 4 010

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 22:50 - France

Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 154

You deserved it 3 670

By Anonymous - 01/12/2011 03:11 - United States

Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 395

You deserved it 4 406

By anun - 14/01/2014 14:06 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend asked me, "Is it in yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 062

You deserved it 7 110

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 14:12 - United States

Today, I learned that I have the balls to base jump and skydive, but I still can't ask out the hot girl working at the pub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 706

You deserved it 8 552

By Username - 13/08/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a scary movie. I was starting to get a small headache so he gently brushed my hair. During a scary part he jumped and hit me in the head as hard as he could with the brush. I'm still recovering from the migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 679

You deserved it 5 535

By BbyDelight - 27/04/2009 03:39 - Canada

Today, it was my mom's birthday. I decided to get her a Willow Tree statue of a woman fairy holding a heart. After dinner, I presented my gift. My mother asked me how much it was. I replied, $30. She threw me a dirty look, shoved the present in my direction, and told me to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 824

You deserved it 8 650

By Anonymous - 26/10/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, my husband's daughter told us that she's 5 months pregnant. I'm going to be a step grandmother and I'm only 23 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 155

You deserved it 48 354

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The Top

Today, after a 10-week internship/interview process, I found out that I was passed up for a job I was competing with the other interns for. I also found out that the girl who sat next to me, who constantly borrowed my notes, and who needed help for every task got hired instead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 152

You deserved it 1 213

Today, I finally met my daughter's boyfriend. He has a face tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 444

You deserved it 6 106

Today, I found out my college friends are going to attack me after Christmas and attempt to tickle me to death. All because they know that I hate to be tickled. They are also going to make a Facebook group dedicated to the matter so people can join in if they wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 462

You deserved it 5 432

Today, I just realized that my ex-girlfriend has been using my credit card to buy condoms, beer, and dildos just to piss me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 951

You deserved it 609

Today, the little bell in my car that lets you know your keys are still in your ignition went out. How did I find out? I locked myself out of both my house and my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 600

Today, I parked in a disabled bay so I could drop my son off at his appointment. My son uses crutches and has a blue badge. As I was trying to leave, an absolute Karen started chewing my ass for using a disabled bay while “not looking disabled”, then lay under my wheels to stop me leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 90