Intimacy and Health: Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without...

By eeewww - 21/11/2018 03:13

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 443

You deserved it 796

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Same thing different taste

By spaceavery - 24/09/2016 04:53 - United States - Gresham

Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 239

You deserved it 1 574

Nosebleed

By bloody good time - 23/11/2019 05:00

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and he slid his hand up near my face too fast and ended up clocking me in the nose. It is the first time that I have ever had nosebleed while orgasming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 188

You deserved it 251

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 083

You deserved it 40 017

That'll do it

By Zippyzoo - 03/02/2009 22:16 - United States

Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 335

You deserved it 9 125

You coming?

By snotface - 23/04/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 790

You deserved it 8 863

Smells like victory

By Lucas - 14/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, during oral sex, my wife squirted, which she’s never done before, and I was so surprised I accidentally breathed it straight up my nose. It’s been 3 hours and it’s still all I can smell FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 250

You deserved it 384

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 502

You deserved it 59 412

By C0r1nn3 - 07/06/2012 04:02 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 798

You deserved it 5 065

No nut will do that

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 00:00

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 1 303

Raise the pressure

By Anonymous - 14/05/2022 18:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. He got on top and started kissing my ear when a warm liquid went down my neck. My boyfriend had a gushing nosebleed, which went threw the pillowcase and the pillow. I got cockblocked by a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 164

Leeono 26

Friday 2 November 2018 9:56

What cums around goes around.

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 21 November 2018 4:26

A true gentleman yells, “Fire in the hole” just before the moment of truth. Chivalry is dead.

Comments

Leeono 26

Friday 2 November 2018 9:56

What cums around goes around.

BurnInDemonFire 33

Saturday 3 November 2018 18:17

You don't see Penn and Teller doing that!

Phillycheeze 20

Wednesday 21 November 2018 3:12

So you definitely are not a swallower.

Hejira Hayes 8

Wednesday 21 November 2018 3:19

Never thought I'd see anyone do the condom challenge without a condom, but here we are.

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 21 November 2018 4:26

A true gentleman yells, “Fire in the hole” just before the moment of truth. Chivalry is dead.

Miss_Whipped 43

Wednesday 21 November 2018 23:48

And they say-- And they say-- And they say-- And they say chivalry is dead.

whiskey'swino 15

Wednesday 21 November 2018 4:54

You kids are into some crazy stuff nowadays.

manb91uk 22

Wednesday 21 November 2018 6:08

Thanks for sharing all your Cummings and goings with the group

Glitchbitch 11

Wednesday 21 November 2018 6:15

Weird flex but ok...

tash901 31

Wednesday 21 November 2018 10:37

Unfortunately I have experienced this too! I feel for you op :')

lillstulen 6

Wednesday 21 November 2018 12:23

Done the reversed one. Not so nice..

chai tea 6

Wednesday 21 November 2018 21:14

reverse...?

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The Top

Today, I was upset over a recent break up. It showed while I was at work, and I made a customer sad just by looking blue. She complained to my manager. I got written up for being so depressed that I got a customer depressed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 645

You deserved it 3 615

Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 183

You deserved it 47 587

The Top

Today, my older, pill-addicted brother, came over to visit with me. After he left, I realized all my Vicodin was gone. I got my wisdom teeth removed two hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 233

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim, "Wow, you really do have a lot of dandruff!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 942

You deserved it 12 574

Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 737

You deserved it 6 391

Today, I woke up to a weird feeling on my face. Thinking it was a bug, I slapped at it. It was my freshly-inserted nose ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 284

You deserved it 35 176

Today, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and talk to my coworker because people have been saying I’m too shy. I say, "Hey" to a girl and she made fun of my voice. She’s the one who told me to talk more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 91

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wear makeup much. Expecting him to say something about my natural beauty, I replied with an honest "no." His smiled softly, gently squeezed my shoulder, and said, "Maybe you should." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 463

You deserved it 3 747