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    : 320



    Anonymous - 18/04/2016 22:45 - Ukraine - Kiev

    Today, my cousins from the other side of the ocean sent me a message saying they wanted to see photos of my new baby with my wife. I told them it'd be better if they came and met him, mostly because I want to see them too. They then blocked me on Facebook. FML
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    wififorme - 18/04/2016 22:40 - United States - Woodside

    Today, I sat awkwardly in my car in a parking lot outside of a coffee shop to use the free wifi to watch YouTube videos because I'm too cheap to get internet in my apartment. FML
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    Anonymous - 18/04/2016 22:34 - United States - Olathe

    Today, my dog ate a rabbit, whole, in my back yard. He then proceeded to throw up partly digested rabbit guts all over my carpet, and my shoes. FML
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    whowhy - 18/04/2016 22:30 - United States

    Today, I let my girlfriend drive my new lexus IS 250 f sport. she's has been begging me to let her drive it ever since I got it. so i said why not. Not even 20 minutes later, I get a phone call from her telling me she crashed it. FML
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    Anonymous - 18/04/2016 21:43 - Portugal - Vila Nova De Gaia

    Today, my boyfriend and I are so broke that we celebrated our 11 year anniversary with a romantic dinner of sandwiches and fries. FML
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    Ouch - 18/04/2016 21:41 - United States - Mount Pleasant

    Today, I attempted to masturbate after eating some flamin' hot cheetos. It still burns. FML
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    anon - 18/04/2016 21:40 - United States - Birmingham

    Today, is the 22nd day of my period. To top it off, I've had excruciatingly painful cramps everyday, and a male p.e. teacher who thinks cramps are just excuses. FML.
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    deepan_dsouza - 18/04/2016 21:35 - India - Mumbai

    Today, while photographing a kids birthday party I accidentally touched the ass of the woman who booked me for my services, she thought I willingly did it and asked whether I could shoot her 'in the same place' She's a Single Mom. FML
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    faphorror - 18/04/2016 20:49 - United States - Troy

    Today, I was masturbating in my bed, when my dad walked in. I didn't know what to do, so I quickly pulled up my pants and blurted out "Hey dad, I've been thinking about you!" FML
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    yeeshmylifesucks - 18/04/2016 20:30 - Egypt - Cairo

    Today, I found out that both my mom and dad have chronic diseases and could die at any time, and they both have been very close to dying FML
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    Anonymous - 18/04/2016 20:29 - United States - Summerville

    Today at school, I was chilling with my girlfriend and I was going in for a kiss. Usually when she is suprized like this, she spills a small secret. Turns out she was cheating on me with my best friend. FML
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    Piand how cow - 18/04/2016 20:20 - United States

    Today, While having sex with my girlfriend she moaned out my best best friends name. After seeing my shocked expression she thought it would comfort me to tell me "don't worry you have a way bigger dick than he does"
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    Anon - 18/04/2016 20:16 - United States

    Today, during gym, everybody exept for me was playing basket ball, because I have a fractored arm. My friends thought that it would be funny to "accidentally " peg a ball at me. I now have a broken arm and stiches on mr head.FML
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    killerparade - 18/04/2016 20:07 - United States - Taylorsville

    Today, my boyfriend has convinced himself that I don't love him anymore and that I don't want to touch him all because I saw a picture of him and his ex and asked when it was taken. FML
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    Dank Memes - 18/04/2016 20:04 - United States - Waynesboro

    Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Why? She said my memes weren't "dank" enough. FML
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    Anonymous - 18/04/2016 19:47 - United States - Daly City

    Today, I accidentally sent my nudes to my friend's boyfriend instead of mine. Their names happen to be the same. She doesn't believe that it was an accident and won't talk to me and broke up with him. FML
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    David - 18/04/2016 19:46 - United States - Saint Peters

    Today, I went to get McDonald's after a 8 hr shift at work. After ordering my food at the drive through, I forgot to pay at the first window and was sitting at the second one completely oblivious as the worker stared at me until I realized I didn't pay and sped off, completely embarrassed...FML
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    Anonymous - 18/04/2016 19:44 - United States - Escanaba

    Today, I found out we've been putting the house on lock-down because my childhood friend is in jail for attempted murder. Why does this affect us, you ask? Because her raging alcoholic father lives right next to us, and he's an accomplice on the run from the police... again. FML
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    Jmdezy - 18/04/2016 19:41 - Switzerland

    Today, while I was at Walmart shopping for a toy present for my niece, I found a toy that repeats what you say. I thought it would be funny to make it repeat "Hitler was right." right when a family walked into the aisle and looked at me in disgust. FML
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    anonymous - 18/04/2016 19:28 - United States - Woonsocket

    Today, while using the urinal at work, I didn't realize my dick was pointed as far down as it was and I accidentally pissed all over my pants....now I'm sitting in the stall waiting for them to dry 20 minutes over my break time, FML
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    annon - 18/04/2016 19:03 - United States - Los Angeles

    Today, I was taken to jail after my girlfriends sister told the police I was holding her against her will. Her sister is crazy but after I was let go nothing happened to her at all. I thought this would be the final straw that would send her to jail and leave me in peace. FML
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    TotallyScrewed - 18/04/2016 18:59 - Canada - Aurora

    Today, my crackhead brother pawned off an engagement ring I bought. The same engagement ring I was gonna propose to my girlfriend with at the fancy restaurant I've had reservations to for 6 months. FML
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    skittleturkey - 18/04/2016 18:41 - United States - Lake Charles

    Today, while in US History, I meant to ask when Jimmy Carter was President. I accidentally asked, "When was Jimmy Carter pregnant?" FML
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    Milo - 18/04/2016 18:35 - Canada - Windsor

    Today, I had to do a urine test at my doctor's office. As I flushed the toilet, the urine filled container fell off the top of the toilet paper holder into the high powered flush and disappeared. It had my name on it so I told reception. I couldn't pee again so I have to go back later. FML
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    fizro - 18/04/2016 18:33 - United States - Albuquerque

    Today, I mistook a dried piece of dog poo with grass on it for weed. I smoked dog shit. FML
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    KereKris - 18/04/2016 18:14 - Netherlands - Zwolle

    Today, I got on the bus, paid for my ticket and then told the very attractive bus driver to "Have a good fuck". I wanted to say "Have a good morning" but I bit my tongue halfway trough and cursed because it hurt. FML
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    Anonymous - 18/04/2016 18:13 - Brazil - Alagoinhas

    Today, our water got cut. Not cuz we didn't pay the bills, but cuz the water company keeps charging for a bill that was paid before we even rented this place, even though the landlady has complained several times to the company. FML
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    Luckybastarb - 18/04/2016 18:04 - Jordan - Amman

    Today,i went on a hunting trip , the only thing that got shot was my leg. FML
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    Liddell - 18/04/2016 18:02 - Canada - Ottawa

    Today, I had the pleasure to learn that two of my good friends are against any members of the LGBT+ community and one of them even support the death penalty for them. I am bisexual and I thought about telling them. Never mind for that. FML.
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    ImaSuckerV2 - 18/04/2016 17:56 - United States - Nashville

    Today, I googled my name and found a gay porn star. FML.
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    Today, during a job interview, I was offered a sandwich. I politely declined, explaining that I'm a coeliac and would probably get very sick. He said coeliac disease "isn't real" and that gluten-free eating is just a fad. I had to leave when he kept pushing me to accept it. FML
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    Today, my high school speech therapist introduced me to the other autistic kid in school without fully informing either of us. We got into a fist fight because we each thought the other guy was imitating us. FML
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    Today, I under-read the gas meter in an attempt to get a lower bill. Too bad it was the move-in read, meaning the starting point was way behind, causing a much higher bill. FML
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    Today, I decided to confess my feelings and perform a love song I'd written for my crush during an open mic night. He was there - he also took the opportunity to declare his love to his on-off girlfriend, get down on one knee and propose to her. She said yes. FML
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    Today, a man came into the library where I work with a bag. He told me the bag was full of bugs he found in and around his toilet, and demanded that I help identify them. He then added, "They might be parasites. They're all over the bathroom, but I got the toilet ones here." FML
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    Today, a kid was ranting that "people these days are so rude" and that "things were much better in the '50s." Annoyed, I asked the delusional twat what was so great about the racial segregation, rampant sexism, homophobia, and all the rest back then. He responded by punching me. FML
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