Your everyday life stories

dying...? - 21/04/2016 03:45 - United States - Irving

Today, I did a lab in my biology class where we made antibiotic resistant E. Coli. While doing the lab, I felt a stray hair in my mouth, so I reached in and grabbed it forgetting the bacteria I was handling. FML.

Anonymous - 21/04/2016 03:38 - United States - Irving

Today, I was getting my first tattoo and I was really nervous, considering I'm a big whimp. The illuminati symbol tattooed on his forehead should've been my first red flag. Halfway through the process, he told me to come back tomorrow because he was "too high to finish it." FML.

SecondTimesTheCharm - 21/04/2016 03:18 - United States - Ocoee

Today, I decided to preform a second circumcision of myself by accidently zipping up my fly on the tip of my penis, causing me to whimper in pain. Hours later, I still can't feel anything but agonizing pain down there. FML.

Anonymous - 21/04/2016 03:14 - United States - Cleveland

Today, while my boyfriend and I were fooling around upstairs, my brother walked in on us. although we were not 100% naked it seemed as though we were.. now I can't even look him in the eye. FML

kingdomgirl94 - 21/04/2016 03:09 - Canada - Peterborough

Today, I posted on Facebook about the 20th anniversary of my mother's death. One of the first comments on my status was a 4/20 joke. FML

coolred - 21/04/2016 02:53 - United States - Havertown

Today, while laying in bed about to take a nap, my niece layed next to me, she then coughed right in my face. When I woke up, my nose was stuffy,headache,and my throat was burning.FML

cheater - 21/04/2016 02:46 - United States - Alexandria

Today, my teacher assumed I had cheated on a test based only on the fact I got more than an 80%. The sad thing is she's right. FML

... - 21/04/2016 02:46 - United States - Henderson

Today, my son got into the 4-20 spirit by buying weed, using it, and then trying to sell it at school. FML.

That_Teenager_ - 21/04/2016 02:38 - United States - Hampshire

Today, I come to you live from the emergency room after getting smashed in the forehead by a baseball bat being swung at full speed. FML

Marioandretti123 - 21/04/2016 02:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I mistakenly brushed my teeth with hydrocortisone cream. FML.

Paul - 21/04/2016 02:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took a day off of school in order to work on an essay. I worked for 12 hours consecutively, slaving over it until my brain could no longer process information. Turns out I was writing a paper for the wrong thing the whole time. FML

KreAtor_O - 21/04/2016 02:23 - United States

Today, at work my manager had the audacity to tell me God made me Gay as a challenge to overcome, this is coming from a Mormon that Smokes, Swears like a sailor, and had a baby out of wedlock... FML

Anonymous - 21/04/2016 02:19 - Brazil - Alagoinhas

Today, my husband is a cop working in a city 2 hrs away 6 days a week, completely at the mercy of the gov't. He comes home 1 day a week. We have a 3-month old baby who decided that after a night of little sleep last night, she is gonna wake up every half hour tonight. I'm alone to wake with her. FML

Anonymous - 21/04/2016 02:18 - United States - Lubbock

Today, while I was listening to my teacher give our whole class a spiel about why we should give blood and how important it is, I worked myself up so much with my fear of needles that I ended up passing out in front of the whole class. FML.

Annonymous - 21/04/2016 02:17 - United States

Today, I checked my bank account to see that it was emptied, when I told my family, my mom told me that my younger brother used all the money at Universal Studios, California. I need a new computer for school and that was my savings account for it. FML

cobldude - 21/04/2016 02:11 - United States - Irvine

Today, I found out that the ironic thing about stealing hot Cheetos from a friend is that they will literally catch you red-handed. So much for that. FML

VictoriaT519 - 21/04/2016 01:57 - United States - Oceanside

Today, my husband decided to get drunk and buy $1,000 worth of car parts. When I found out, I furiously asked him why he thought that was a good idea. His response? To vomit all over my shoes. FML

it___happens - 21/04/2016 01:55 - United States - Bothell

Today, I was with my boyfriends mom and she was going through her old jewelry. She told me she was going to sell her divorced husbands wedding ring and I go "oh that's really pretty!" Right in front of her current husband. Then it got really awkward. FML

ow - 21/04/2016 01:50 - United States - Bronx

Today, after a long fight with my mom, about an hour later I decided to be the one to try to end it and went downstairs to give her a hug. Her reaction? "Get your fucking hands off me you little prick." I don't think she deserves my hug anymore. FML

iloveleolion - 21/04/2016 01:46 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a love letter, and made a gift bag for him. When I was leaving the house to drop it off at work for him, a bee flew in my car- I hit the gas instead of break by accident- and hit his brothers truck..FML

Bleiz - 21/04/2016 01:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I wished my friend a happy birthday and proceeded to notify him that he shared a birthday with Adolf Hitler. He punched me in the gut... I forgot he was Jewish. FML.

nonotlikethat - 21/04/2016 01:29 - United States - Conway

Today, I asked a rather overweight little girl at the restaurant I work at if she had gotten enough to eat. When she said yes, I said, "Are you sure about that?" meaning that the food was really good. I didn't realize how it sounded until her and her equally chubby mom were both glaring at me. FML

dangitcar - 21/04/2016 01:24 - United States - Lake Jackson

Today, I've had my new convertible for 2 days. I dropped the top down and heard a small pop, so I brought it back up. Guess who has to spend an extra $750 to replace the back window? FML

Anonymous - 21/04/2016 01:23 - United States - Bronx

Today, my art grade went up and then down ; Up 3 points for getting a 100 on an assignment Down 46 points for getting an assignment in two-days late. I don't understand how school works anymore. FML

SadGirl - 21/04/2016 01:19 - United States - Blacklick

Today, my best friend told me she didn't want to be friends anymore Bc I was "to dramatic" she was sleeping with my father for 9 years.... And my god son is my little brother FML

anonymous - 21/04/2016 01:15 - United States - Wenatchee

Today, my best friend and I were discussing our plans for families in the future and I asked her to be my future child's godparent. She agreed, then proceeded to let me know that she didn't want me to ever meet her kids, because she wanted them to grow up without the influence of such a loser.

Roomie pay rent plz - 21/04/2016 01:06 - United States - Nanuet

Today, my roommate's shopping addiction reached a whole new level. He bought a box of tampons just because they were 40% off. Yes, he. FML

CreeptacularBait - 21/04/2016 01:06 - United States - Reston

Today, while I was cooking dinner, my boyfriend came home and said he might have colon cancer. It's ok though, cause "Now you don't have to devote 20 years to a relationship and find out later!" FML

Well I am fucked - 21/04/2016 01:05 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I got 102 fever. I went home and slept for 3 hours. I got up and the first thing my mom said to me was, "Do your fucking homework. You have hockey tonight and you are going to it" I threw up 5 times at hockey. She then proceeded to call me a pussy. FML

caseyo - 21/04/2016 01:02 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I pulled my credit report for the first time. Turns out there were three fraudulent hits, one of them being a credit card maxed out at 10k. Who is the identity thief? My own mother.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I got back from a romantic vacation at a fancy hotel with my boyfriend of 6 months. After a steamy love session, I confessed that I was in love with him. Later, when I got out of the shower, all his stuff was gone and I was stuck with the entire week's hotel cost and no ride home. FML

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Today, my mom's "hobby" of rescuing homeless people became very real. We now have 3 more people living in our house, and none of them have a sense of personal space. I wake up to their faces in my windows. Thanks mom. FML

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Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

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Today, I was upset after my boyfriend and I broke up. My best friend heard and told me she would be right over. Three hours of waiting later, she stumbles in wasted. She had been at the bar, with my ex, making sure he was okay. For me, I just got a list of all the drinks she had that night. FML

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Today, I picked up a broken piece of seemingly velvety cactus to show my mom. I now have a million microscopic, painful splinters in my fingers. FML

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Today, I woke up to an unfamiliar male face right beside mine. I flipped out fell of my 4 foot raised bed and got a concussion. Who, you may ask, was in my bed? My Robert Pattinson pillowcase. FML

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