Cops

Get lost

By Anonymous - 23/05/2023 15:00 - United States - Columbus

Today, a customer violently ranted how people in Latin America are "nothing but filth" compared to the “clean, civilized” people of "Anglo countries like Australia and New Zealand." All because I told him that flash photography is not permitted. If that’s not bad enough, the police were unwilling to do anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 157

Wrong end of the stick

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Paul

Today, while I was jogging, a guy tackled me and got my iPhone. Being a good runner, I caught up with him and grabbed him. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a policeman yelling in my ear. The thief got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 673

You deserved it 3 457

Useless

By Anonymous - 01/05/2025 07:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my place of work was robbed. When expressing worry that the thieves would return, the cops told us, and I quote, "If they come back and attack you, just give us a call back." Fucking stellar, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 95

No escape

By natty - 16/03/2009 16:02 - United States

Today, I went to a party and the cops came to bust the party. I jumped out the window of a second story house in order to avoid getting arrested. I broke my leg in three places and got a concussion. The cops let everyone go with a warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 317

You deserved it 203 425

Healthy lifestyle influencer

By I’m done - 26/04/2022 10:00

Today, my already disabled mother is on the brink of becoming bedridden due to her weight. I flat out refused to buy fast food or unhealthy food to keep in the fridge. She started screaming through the wall that I was beating her, until the neighbors called the cops. Sadly, this isn’t the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 576

You deserved it 98

My window

By Anonymous - 20/05/2024 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my new neighbour is delusional. She’s only lived next door 3 weeks and she’s called the police on me 11 times for “taking his bin out so he can look in my window”, “hanging out the washing so he can look in my window” and “barbecuing with his kids so he can look in my window.” Crazy bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 696

You deserved it 70

Not drunk, just sad

By literally for crying out loud! - 06/08/2023 14:00

Today I bombed a very important test. Being too upset to drive, I pulled into a lot and sobbed hysterically. A security guard tapped my window and demanded I move immediately. I tried to explain that I wasn’t in a state to drive, so he called the police on me. I was detained under suspicion of DUI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 250

Psycho

By Anonymous - 24/08/2016 12:16

Today, my dad's psycho ex broke in and had a meltdown about how he's dating another woman now. She's barely 100 pounds, yet it took me and my brother several minutes and one smashed shin to finally manage to drag her out of the house, all while my dad called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 604

You deserved it 988

Less haste, less speed

By Fox - 25/02/2013 03:41 - United States

Today, while driving extremely fast on a road in the middle of nowhere, I started to go down a hill. Noticing a police car at the bottom, I slammed my brakes and blew a tire in the process. It turns out the police car was an old cutout used to trick people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 361

You deserved it 57 819

It's fine, I'll wait outside

By I tried - 12/04/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, because the policy "no shirt, no shoes, no service" doesn't mention pants, my friends got the hilarious idea to walk into a store with no pants on. I tried to be reasonable and say they would get arrested, but they called me a "chicken" and did it anyway. Take a wild guess what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 222

Explain yourself!

By Alex - 21/11/2018 03:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, my wife, being very considerate, bought me a new phone for my birthday. That would be fine and dandy if cops didn't then enter my house and say I stole it. Turns out my wife paid $900 from MY credit card to the person who stole the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 059

You deserved it 206

Sigma mindset

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding and was shocked that the cop asked me out. Before I could respond, he noticed my wedding ring, said "Nevermind" and then gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 917

You deserved it 5 650

Timing is key

By Anonymous - 17/09/2021 08:04

Today, we live in a society where an Uber Eats order arrives a lot faster than the authorities. To make things worse, the Uber Eats order arrives screwed up as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 138

Am I being detained?

By PackingSpaceHeat - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized I've been acting very paranoid lately. I was mugged a few weeks ago, so I've been nervous. I've been holding my hands in my pockets and looking around on my way outside from work. Apparently, that's grounds to arrest someone under suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 749

You deserved it 3 394

Trash

By Anonymous - 02/04/2017 16:00

Today, I confronted my lousy, loud, messy neighbors about the trash they throw in my yard. They responded by throwing my trash in their yard, then called the police to report me for vandalism and illegal dumping when I returned their trash. Guess who has a court appearance in two weeks… FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 844

You deserved it 446

Bad boys bad boys, whatcha gonna do?

By yard sale 911 - 01/06/2023 09:00 - United States - Allentown

Today, our community is having a large collective yard sale. It's also the day my phone decided to somehow pocket-dial 911. I had to explain this to the officers responding and also to a lot of surprised shoppers and neighbors. I'm still extremely embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 158

This is America

By ChiefKoala - 20/10/2019 22:00

Today, it will be the third time since moving to this area that I will have to call out of work because of gunshots heard nearby, police looking for someone and advising us to stay indoors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 674

You deserved it 235

Catering to idiots

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 00:10 - United States - Pittsfield

Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 556

You deserved it 3 754

By whatrights - 12/07/2009 08:59 - United States

Today, I learned that "Officer, I do not consent to any searches" means "Officer, please handcuff me, I am trying to be difficult" in cop speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 479

You deserved it 23 841

Contempt

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 06:00

Today, I cannot believe my husband. All he had to do was contest a bogus parking ticket but because he's incapable of keeping his fat mouth shut, now he’s going to jail for contempt of court. He will lose his job because of this, guaranteed, and we have two kids to support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 218

Highway code

By lucy the witch - 20/02/2023 14:00

Today, my son got pulled over for speeding. His excuse? The speed limit signs “aren’t posted often enough,” so he “forgot” what the limit was. I raised this dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 232

Keep him

By Anonymous - 26/12/2022 15:00

Today, the county jail called. My estranged husband is being released, after spending a quality, week-long visit for restraining order violations. Merry Christmas to me and the only peace I've felt in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 138

Put it away!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Spring Grove

Today, an extremely hot police officer reprimanded me. It was pretty awkward considering she stopped me because of public urination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 987

You deserved it 35 073

The sounds of Spring

By Ithoughtheywerenormalpeople - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Houston

Today, as I awoke, the sun was shining, the birds were tweeting, and police sirens were wailing at a drug bust next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 694

You deserved it 3 811

Souvenir

By killerxdeagles - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Wichita

Today, I was t-boned and my truck was rendered useless. I was given a ticket even though the man who hit me ran a red light. Why? Because there was dirt on my license plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 215

You deserved it 3 203

Wrong 'un

By TheBeautifulOne - 23/08/2012 13:42 - United Kingdom - Ayr

Today, I met a girl I used to make fun of in high school. She was taking my fingerprints after I was arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 113

You deserved it 82 221

Vibe check

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I lost my phone. On the bright side, someone found it. On the downside, they won't give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 786

You deserved it 3 571

Close shave

By eyeamcool - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the police posted a description of the car of a child abductor. As everyone slowed down to read the billboard, I realized that the car's description and license plate were very similar to mine. After getting death stares from passengers, I got pulled over. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 953

You deserved it 2 774

Risky business

By PleaseCalmDownThisIsALibrary - 30/06/2023 16:00 - United States - Columbia

Today, I'm just a simple librarian. Last week, we had to call the cops on two separate aggressive patrons. Today, I had to call the cops yet again. WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 95

Rough

By aarone23 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 326

You deserved it 4 161

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my mother keyed my car because I wouldn't invite her into my home and get her a cup of tea, so she could continue screaming that she was going to kill me while I tried to feed my 4 month old daughter. The last time I got her a cup of tea she threw it in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 541

You deserved it 3 327

Today, a customer threw his cup of coffee at me screaming that it wasn't hot enough. Well, maybe it wasn't hot enough for him, but it was sure hot enough to burn me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 413

You deserved it 2 439

Today, I had a toothache and applied some numbing gel to soothe the pain. Too much came out and made my whole mouth numb. A man came into my work, thought I was making fun of his lisp, and stormed out really upset. He later called to complain about me. The boss just called me to his office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 973

You deserved it 3 749

Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 505

You deserved it 6 660

Today, a girl I like came over to my house because I'd promised to help her prepare for a math test. My mom thought it would be funny to put a stack of porn magazines and handcuffs on the table in my room when I went to open the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 688

You deserved it 4 356

Today, my mum came home from a business trip. My four-year-old brother, who I'd been watching, told her I was "sexing" my boyfriend a lot after I put him to bed. After lots of arguing, she banned me from seeing him and took my car away. Only much later did I realize my brother meant "texting". FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 983

You deserved it 5 494