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You've got mail

By lonely - 15/07/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I hired somebody to send me love letters. I'm that lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 603

You deserved it 20 564

Take the W

By FML - 18/01/2012 19:41 - United States

Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said, "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is that low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 780

You deserved it 4 783

By Anonymous - 27/11/2013 16:28 - United States - Beachwood

Today, I saw my long-distance boyfriend for the first time in 8 months. He dumped me on the spot because I was "uglier" than he remembered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 049

You deserved it 9 442

Get out

By why yes, I do mean "ex-boyfriend" - 17/08/2013 22:40 - Netherlands - Oosterwolde

Today, I got sent home early because a large fire broke out at work. I was greeted by the sight of my cocktard of a "boyfriend" making out on my sofa with another woman. He actually had the audacity and brass balls to claim he thought she was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 748

You deserved it 4 277

Ewww, gross

By spekledworf - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Wrentham

Today, I discovered why the milk in my house has a funny, sweet taste. My family has been pouring the leftover milk from their cereal back into the carton. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 913

You deserved it 2 089

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 02:20 - United States

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 080

You deserved it 7 801

By cantstoplaughing - 06/10/2010 04:32 - United States

Today, I was working on my family genealogy. I found out that my best friend's great-grandfather murdered my great-grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 842

You deserved it 4 016

By Beaten - 31/07/2010 23:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of one year broke up with me. He's been in jail for the last four months. I paid for his very expensive lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 842

You deserved it 42 230

Thanks, kids

By Anonymous - 28/09/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, I told my son and daughter that their father and I were getting a divorce. They each responded with something like, "Yay! I want to live with Daddy! He buys better presents!" Their father has literally never bought anything for them, one of the many reasons I'm divorcing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 280

You deserved it 8 744

Corporate

By crap - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was fired from my job for breaking my company's tattoo policy. I have a small scar on my wrist that roughly resembles a heart. My boss insists that it's one of those white ink tattoos. No one will believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 813

You deserved it 2 694

By BackToRehab - 26/02/2011 21:53 - Canada

Today, I treated my mom to a movie and lunch after she'd attended weeks of AA meetings. She snuck in a flask to the movie, and during lunch, she started calling people muggles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 094

You deserved it 3 568

Romance is dead

By Anonymous - 15/02/2010 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished, I jokingly said, "Who's going to sleep in the wet patch?" He got up and said, "You're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing." It was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 649

You deserved it 4 546

By bigmistake - 24/12/2011 03:22 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for a while. I shaved my legs and armpits and wore a short dress. It wasn't until I got to the meeting that I noticed I only shaved one of my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 150

You deserved it 17 986

By matchristityler - 09/02/2010 08:19 - United States

Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 647

You deserved it 4 380

By Me - 26/11/2011 23:10 - United States

Today, my neighbors coated their house in flashing Christmas lights and blared out "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" all day long. Only 29 days left until Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 566

You deserved it 3 367

By Unfortunate - 08/10/2012 00:24 - United States - Bellevue

Today, I realized that my life would make an excellent meme: Nerd girl goes to college, finally loses virginity; gets chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 151

You deserved it 13 982

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 07:35 - Singapore

Today, I went shopping with my parents. Halfway through, I got separated from them and tried to call them only to find out my cell phone battery was flat. A few minutes later, an announcement was made for a lost child. It was by my parents. I'm 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 184

You deserved it 5 221

By Anonymous - 09/11/2015 14:58 - United States - Redlands

Today, my mother informed me that she sold my dog to pay off some bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 813

You deserved it 1 839

By Mark - 06/06/2012 02:21 - United States

Today, it was the last day of school, and I said goodbye to one of my students. She then told me how to correctly pronounce her name. I'd said it wrong all year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 877

You deserved it 12 631

Roommates from hell

By Failure - 09/11/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, I was taking a final test online that would account for 65% of my final grade, for which I'd worked extremely hard. I had one submission for the test, and my roommate thought it would be funny to click the "Submit All" Button while I was getting a glass of water. I got a 13%. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 273

You deserved it 3 511

You tried…

By shart up, your puns suck - 01/06/2014 18:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I clogged my girlfriend's toilet, so being a gentleman, I tried to rectify the situation. I plunged the holy fuck out of that damned toilet, only for her to accuse me of jacking off because I was taking so long. When she stormed in and the smell hit her, she called me a pig. I just can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 827

You deserved it 5 578

By really mom - 15/04/2012 17:38 - United States - Montgomery

Today, my mom started dipping into my college savings, just so she can continue throwing money away on visiting a medium who claims she can channel the spirit of our recently-deceased family dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 454

You deserved it 2 129

By moneycatious - 19/03/2012 23:50 - United States - Seattle

Today, I gave my husband an expensive watch. The first words out of his mouth were, "You didn't use our joint bank account for this, right?" He then asked if I still had the receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 376

You deserved it 5 548

By overflowing - 16/04/2011 22:20 - United States

Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 213

You deserved it 8 680

Surprise!

By theboy6494 - 10/08/2009 20:47 - United States

Today, I came home early from business trip to Paris, where I bought an engagement ring. I was going to take my girlfriend of two years out and propose to her. I sneaked into our house as a surprise and… she was having sex with another man. Now I have a ring that I can only return in France. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 539

You deserved it 4 200

By thelunarwolf - 02/03/2011 03:41

Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 890

You deserved it 8 888

By Winchesterlover - 05/02/2011 18:41 - United States

Today, my mom and I tried out Just Dance 2 on the Wii. When we both threw out our hands at the same time, my mom's Wii remote hit my hand and ripped my finger nail. As I stared at the bloody, half hanging off nail, my mom muttered, "You should have stayed in your dance space." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 838

You deserved it 8 864

By mademoiselleaus - 06/12/2011 12:26 - Australia

Today, I started at my new waitressing job. Our uniforms have the name of the restaurant on the left chest pocket. My first customer asked me what the other boob was called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 922

You deserved it 3 325

mademoiselleaus tells us more.

mademoiselleaus 2

Friday 9 December 2011 17:20

Ella and Fitzgerald? Maria and Sharapova? Harry and Potter? Oh, the endless possibilities!

By thanksalot - 11/07/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, my mum called and told me she had bought me a new, white dish washer for my apartment because it doesn't have one. I was SO excited and told her I'd pay her back as soon as I could. I only had to pay her $1.25. She bought me a sponge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 183

You deserved it 8 642

By Anonymous - 01/01/2011 04:05 - United States

Today, I had a major falling out with my best friend. Angry, I sent a short text message to him explaining how I felt. I soon noticed I'd accidentally texted "I'm going to fucking kill you, asshole." to my boss instead. I'm still waiting on a reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 601

You deserved it 40 459

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The Top

Today, a group of protesters set up just outside my residence hall at one in the morning. After an hour of chanting, the police finally told them to stop, and I was finally able to get some sleep. The protesters responded by pulling the fire alarm in every residence hall on campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 737

You deserved it 3 037

Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 528

You deserved it 5 681

Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 613

You deserved it 34 676

Today, I received a detention because I threw up on the school nurse who wasn't going to send me home. According to her, stomach ulcers are not a true health issue, so there's no reason to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 326

You deserved it 2 286

Today, I sent in a fake story to a website that supports a yearly festival in my small town, thinking it would boost their spirits. It was how my boyfriend proposed to me at last year's festival. Now the local news station wants to do a story about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 855

You deserved it 81 160

Today, I went for a really important job interview. She loved my portfolio and we got along really well. But I guess that a corner of my skirt got caught underneath my shoe when I stood up to shake her hand, exposing my teeny-tiny underwear and neglected bikini line. She didn't shake my hand back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 391

You deserved it 9 822