Health and Poopoo peepee: Two speeds

Two speeds

By Anonymous - 04/09/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I've realized that I have two modes: Constipated, or ultra explosive diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 68

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Same thing different taste

Plumbing issues

By Anonymous - 27/08/2021 04:01 - Denmark - Viby

Today, I'm constipated AND having diarrhea at the same time. It feels like I'm going to explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 82

By Anonymous - 01/06/2016 11:05 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 537

You deserved it 870

Two states of matter

By Anonymous - 15/09/2020 05:02 - Germany

Today, I learned that is it possible to be constipated and have diarrhea at the same time. You run to the toilet every half-hour, but almost nothing comes out and you feel so bloated you could burst, while eating almost nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 146

By lunarclips - 27/06/2016 14:08 - Canada - Brandon

Today, is the day I graduate. Today is the day I have explosive diarrhea and I haven't moved far from the toilet since I woke up this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 114

You deserved it 1 248

Uranus

By Anonymous - 28/04/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, my body couldn't seem to decide whether I had constipation or diarrhea, so it decided to split the difference by making me push my turd out painfully for ten minutes, then let me go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 75

By Sostupid - 24/01/2011 03:41 - Canada

Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 520

You deserved it 8 805

Fire in the hole!

By CarrieBerrie - 14/08/2020 17:01

Today, after being woken up with the intense urge to go to the bathroom, and having gone to the bathroom three times in the last hour, I finally realized I took two laxatives instead of two Midol. My ass is on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 530

Sophie's choice

By Anonymous - 27/09/2018 05:00 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, I got random constipation followed by diarrhea. It's 1:30am and my sleeping medication is making me fall asleep, but every time I try to get off the toilet I get another diarrhea spasm. Either I fall asleep on the toilet or shit myself in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 009

You deserved it 231

By Anonymous - 14/05/2011 13:17 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my wedding day, and I have uncontrollable diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 790

You deserved it 5 159

Geyser

By awhmaaan - 27/02/2012 15:55 - United Kingdom

Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 094

You deserved it 5 828

Charlie Given 26

Wednesday 4 September 2024 13:32

Time to go see a doctor preferably a gastroenterologist!

BurnInDemonFire 35

Wednesday 4 September 2024 22:42

Well... shit...

Comments

Charlie Given 26

Wednesday 4 September 2024 13:32

Time to go see a doctor preferably a gastroenterologist!

BurnInDemonFire 35

Wednesday 4 September 2024 22:42

Well... shit...

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The Top

Today, my husband and his best mate got drunk and decided it would be a good idea to try hitchhike naked for a joke. Although no one was willing to pick up two naked 28 year old-men off the side of the main road, someone did call the cops. They are being held overnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 195

You deserved it 1 858

Today, it was my dad's retirement. He is traditional Japanese, so I had custom-ordered a samurai sword from a traditional Japanese blacksmith with dad's name engraved on the blade in kanji script. He loved it, right up til my drunk cousin tried to use it to cut down a tree and snapped it in two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 992

You deserved it 1 664

Today, my mum got an electric car. It's so quiet that we could hear the bones of my cat break as we reversed over it on the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 714

You deserved it 8 513

Today, I spent a full two minutes doing nothing but sniffing my computer. Don't worry, it was in the living room and my roommate definitely saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 741

Today, I mistook a random stranger in the grocery store for my friend and started complaining about how annoying my coworkers are at the moment. The stranger just nodded, concerned, and slowly backed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 567

Today, I'm the "bull" of a cuckolding relationship. Well, not anymore: I got the usual "come over" text and went over, only for the husband to come after me with a crowbar, yelling that his wife treats him like dirt because of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 379