Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first...

By single - 10/11/2010 02:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 462

You deserved it 7 626

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Same thing different taste

By thanks, fuckface - 16/11/2012 19:42 - United States - Parachute

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 225

You deserved it 4 178

By Anonymous - 28/05/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 880

You deserved it 1 808

Superfuzz Big Muff

By miiiiilk - 05/12/2010 11:12 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 671

You deserved it 9 539

By Anonymous - 21/09/2011 13:17 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 786

You deserved it 6 219

Sensitive snowflake

By onepussytwopussy - 07/03/2014 19:47 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 450

You deserved it 26 543

Fond memories

By -_- - 13/08/2011 00:05 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 897

You deserved it 4 649

Turn off

By Anonymous - 03/11/2012 18:02 - Australia - Wembley

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 108

You deserved it 4 268

Instructions

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 632

You deserved it 16 457

Nomnom

By wow babe - 19/11/2012 17:46 - United States - Arnold

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 115

You deserved it 5 631

By Wawawiwa - 21/07/2010 23:44 - Namibia

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 852

You deserved it 53 791

HentaiBunny 4

Wednesday 10 November 2010 9:03

You should have replied with 'Did you want to enter the fiery pits of mordor?' And then spread em ;D

rawr_dani 0

Wednesday 10 November 2010 8:56

o_____o

Comments

NatsuAisu 0

Sunday 21 November 2010 16:39

You should've slammed your hand down in front of your legs and yelled "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

honeybxo 0

Tuesday 23 November 2010 4:55

lmfaoooo

Sceptical 0

Tuesday 23 November 2010 12:17

THIS IS FREAKING FUNNY!!!! IT MADE ME LAUGH FOR HOURS!!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA no offense ur boyfriend sure has a sense of humour :))

midnightsdawn13 4

Thursday 25 November 2010 0:41

OMG Yes.

gross13 0

Tuesday 30 November 2010 4:38

omgggg ahahahahahaaa! im reading the hobbot in english class and this is soooo funny! lmfaoooo :p

jv94 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 3:19

kids a champ. lol

XxSTARZxX 3

Tuesday 28 December 2010 0:17

Lol..eww..what a turn off!!

lovelyundead 0

Tuesday 15 February 2011 9:59

I love schmigal or however u spell his name

averyridesbikes 0

Tuesday 22 February 2011 5:30

omfg Lmfao

bigboi1004 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 2:03

what a mut

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