Kids: Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with...

By Picky - 06/07/2017 14:58

Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with my fingers. His explanation? "You were sleeping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 060

You deserved it 369

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Same thing different taste

By Qwerty - 28/06/2011 16:10 - Australia

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to pick my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 985

You deserved it 5 278

By mr.palendrome - 06/03/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 429

You deserved it 28 099

By whymyroomthough - 06/08/2014 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 189

You deserved it 3 223

By argfarblewarblearble - 07/08/2015 13:49 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 888

You deserved it 2 328

Caught in 4K

By buggermonster - 16/06/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's parents' house for dinner, and I thought no one was looking, I picked my nose and put it underneath my chair. Turns out she has a little brother who found it appropriate to point at me and scream, "Booger monster, Booger monster!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 728

You deserved it 76 817

Terrible prank

By Malakai - 02/02/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, while I was in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been Facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 843

You deserved it 8 473

By queenbee - 14/06/2015 13:31 - United States - Media

Today, I slept through my alarm and decided to call in sick. After falling back asleep, I woke up to my younger brother robbing my kitchen. It seems he's been doing this for weeks, every time I leave for work. He won't even give it all back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 188

You deserved it 2 497

By who wants spaghetti - 17/12/2015 03:42 - United States - Oconomowoc

Today, during a family dinner, I witnessed my younger brother casually slip his hand down the back of his pants, take it out, sniff each finger individually, before stirring his hand in his spaghetti and continue to eat normally. I was the only one who saw this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 875

You deserved it 1 554

By Maria - 14/03/2017 15:00 - United Kingdom - York

Today, my boyfriend had his arm around me. He pulled me closer, so I looked up, thinking maybe he wanted a kiss. Turns out he was picking his nose over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 660

You deserved it 398

By TimeForAHairCut - 08/06/2012 23:44 - United States - Eugene

Today, I was napping when my little brother cut off huge chunks of my hair. He thought it would turn me into the older brother he always wanted. He's 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 988

You deserved it 2 106

Lobby_Bee 17

Thursday 6 July 2017 14:18

First the nose, then the mouth, and then work his way down south.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 6 July 2017 15:36

You gotta wonder how many times he's done this without you waking up. Cheers!

Comments

Lobby_Bee 17

Thursday 6 July 2017 14:18

First the nose, then the mouth, and then work his way down south.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 6 July 2017 15:36

You gotta wonder how many times he's done this without you waking up. Cheers!

boopingsnoot 24

Thursday 6 July 2017 16:59

Make sure he sees you use his toothbrush as a back scratcher, or something

nityasomaiya 46

Thursday 6 July 2017 18:33

Or use his toothbrush to clean the toilet seat. Harsh, but useful.

boopingsnoot 24

Thursday 6 July 2017 23:02

OP should clean their nose with bro's toothbrush!

CrazyTrainWreck 19

Thursday 6 July 2017 17:21

That's snot the way I would want to woken up. Is anyone picking up on these puns?

CantTouchThat 29

Thursday 6 July 2017 17:41

YDI For sleeping. That's how it works.

stephh_1 11

Thursday 6 July 2017 18:01

Lol that made me laugh too hard

species4872 19

Thursday 6 July 2017 20:26

That's just lazy.

Glowworm56 26

Thursday 6 July 2017 21:35

Well he couldn't pick his sibling--or his nose--so he used his sibling to pick his nose. I can't decide if that's genius or disgustingly lazy.

Adeline90 10

Friday 7 July 2017 0:16

I would put Voltarene in his toothpaste tube just to get back at him.

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The Top

Today, I'd been sat in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars, and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through, I heard a tap on my driver's window. It was a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 258

You deserved it 152 406

Today, I discovered my boyfriend's spider-infested shed where I refused to set foot, where he is constantly fixing the mower, bikes, or his car, is actually just a sound recording of power tools he plays so I won’t go down and disturb him. He has a TV, an Xbox, and a fridge in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 484

The Top

Today, when I was walking in to the grocery store, a van pulls up and a bunch of guys get out who look really drunk. I jokingly said to the sober-looking man who had driven the van "Sucks you have to be the designated driver!" Turns out the "Drunk" guys were actually mentally challenged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 788

You deserved it 68 175

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 445

You deserved it 3 316

Today, my wife demanded that I cut all ties with my best friend, just because she doesn't like the jokes he tells. Now she's bitching that she's upset because his wife, who she works with, is talking about her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 517

You deserved it 332

Today, I was hanging out with my ex's new girlfriend. I found out he was dating us both at the same time and was comparing between us. That is why he broke up with me two years ago and is still with her ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 565

You deserved it 3 857

Today, I have exactly 204 snowflakes saved onto my computer, all of which I made on this snowflake-making website. This is what my life has come to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 925

You deserved it 9 683

Today, I went to the carnival with a guy I like. When we went on the big scary ride where you flip upside down a lot, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Then, I threw up on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 614

You deserved it 4 739

Same thing different taste

Caught in 4K

Terrible prank

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