Intimacy: Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really...

By damn - 09/04/2014 21:12 - United States - Kenton

Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 503

You deserved it 8 041

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

Served and deserved

By Anonymous - 05/12/2022 16:00 - United States - University Park

Today, my roommate's girlfriend came to visit for a couple of days, and we fucked behind his back. My roommate told me he just tested positive for syphilis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 3 925

By Anonymous - 25/09/2013 21:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 267

You deserved it 7 069

What a jerk!

By traumatized house keeper - 08/09/2017 13:00 - Germany - Munster

Today, while cleaning the hostel, I had to make some beds in a dorm room. There were three guys in the room, one of whom was sitting on a bed. He looked me straight in the eye and I gave him a big smile before I realized he was jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 500

You deserved it 432

Safe sex

By avoiding preggers - 17/12/2024 05:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I saw my roommate walk out of his room into the kitchen with a used condom in his hand, and plop it into the garbage disposal. "I don't really trust this girl" is all he said before he opened his door and walked back into his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 148

Experimentation is good

By Anonymous - 30/10/2019 00:01

Today, I was at my friend's place with a bunch of people. I saw a pair of panties in his laundry basket, so of course I yelled, "DUDE! YOU GOT LAID!" Turns out he didn't get laid, he was 'experimenting'. He was so mortified, he burst out crying and threw us all out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 182

You deserved it 2 504

Gagging for it

By Anonymous - 20/02/2023 14:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my roommate spends so much time in our dorm room that I got a boner when I heard him leaving for class, because it was my first chance in days to jack off in peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 268

Frustrated

By skipper - 12/02/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 837

You deserved it 12 100

By awkward O_o - 24/04/2013 21:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 831

You deserved it 4 929

By CBBP - 31/03/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, I was having sex with this girl I met in stats class when my roommate walked in. He started applauding and said, "$20 bucks for me! I knew you weren't gay!" Him and my other roommate had a bet. They are my best friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 907

You deserved it 8 795

Handjob

By Anonymous - 20/11/2019 18:00

Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 081

You deserved it 919

EndOfSekrets 13

Thursday 10 April 2014 6:05

Talk shit, get laid.

Big_Pickle 18

Thursday 10 April 2014 6:04

You win some, you lose some.

Comments

Cherrybunny01 4

Thursday 10 April 2014 9:09

Did he use the poop scale?

alex_gen 38

Thursday 10 April 2014 9:52

Poop fetish?

4kickin 8

Thursday 10 April 2014 10:20

confidance can go a long way.

revelation11B 10

Thursday 10 April 2014 10:25

Go home, 26, you're drunk.

bluelagoon24 19

Thursday 10 April 2014 10:43

She was probably a nurse. It's just further down the scale from "You have nice veins".

briang959 47

Thursday 10 April 2014 11:43

OP, maybe you should eat more fiber.

mbuck87 19

Thursday 10 April 2014 11:53

Maybe you need to work on your 'shit game' then you might be able to get the girl?

91hayek 31

Thursday 10 April 2014 12:45

Sounds like some hippy-new-agey-homeopathy-granola-bar-vegan kinda guy with sensitive eyes and decipherable tattoos. Chicks dig those kind of guys, talking about opening their third eyes and massive ***** they take.