Intimacy: Today, I went to Knott's Berry Farm with my girlfriend. After...

By blank13 - 09/08/2009 01:41 - United States

Today, I went to Knott's Berry Farm with my girlfriend. After we got off of Supreme Scream, the ride attendant asked her, "How was it?" She pointed to me and said, "It's like sex with this man, my boyfriend; intense, then disappointing because it only lasts like 30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 689

You deserved it 12 431

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Let's get loud

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 07:36 - Reserved

Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 733

You deserved it 32 233

By Darth Vomitus - 10/08/2012 18:54 - United States - Mequon

Today, I went to an amusement park with a group of friends, one of whom was a girl I really like. When we got on the roller coaster, I was ecstatic that she wanted to sit next to me. Not even half-way through, I ended up puking all over the both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 542

You deserved it 5 861

Like a virgin

By chchboy - 22/05/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 178

You deserved it 7 130

By Amanda - 02/07/2011 05:33 - United States

Today, I went to the carnival with a guy I like. When we went on the big scary ride where you flip upside down a lot, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Then, I threw up on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 637

You deserved it 4 746

By Anonymous - 09/08/2009 13:27 - Canada

Today, I worked at my job at an amusement park at one of the roller coasters. I have to go around and make sure that every seat belt is around the passenger. I saw my boyfriend in a seat and ran over to say hi. I saw a girl next to him. I had to strap down my cheating boyfriend and the new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 986

You deserved it 3 903

By bad in the sack - 05/07/2014 04:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 194

You deserved it 11 473

Let down

By anonymous - 21/06/2009 02:00 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 258

You deserved it 17 279

By Ignitingmylightsaber - 18/10/2009 11:29 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day, we finally got intimate, with me doing all she asked of her. In return for hard-work, she took my meat in her hand and started making lightsaber noises, before pronouncing "I don't see why people like it so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 019

You deserved it 3 569

By Nomoreballs - 10/07/2012 23:10 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 758

You deserved it 6 449

By Krissy - 25/01/2010 08:36 - United States

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend on the back bumper of my car. After he finished he told me he felt like he was riding a seahorse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 576

You deserved it 4 658

redbluegreen 40

Sunday 9 August 2009 12:06

What are you worth? Four, maybe five tickets? All joking aside... Those rides last at least two minutes. Not thirty seconds.

survivalism 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 12:09

Your girlfriend's awesome.

Comments

thatsucks4u 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 19:32

YDI totally faked seen this from standup comics

Keiko86 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 19:50

I bet you made that ride attendent's day.

fmh123 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 21:02

YDI for not being to hold it longer than 30 seconds

cucumberfabulous 7

Sunday 9 August 2009 21:03

Oh my gosh.....that was PERFECT!! It made me laugh soooo hard Sucks for you though..

token_blackguy 18

Sunday 9 August 2009 21:09

learn to take a joke you whiny little bitch

Kcired 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 21:28

BURN!!!

NeNa_1015 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 21:57

hahaha that's hilarious.

sadiesykes 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 22:00

HAHA that is great.

callargh 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 22:41

I would switch teams for your girlfriend. She sounds awesome.

ILoveAsianGirls 0

Sunday 9 August 2009 23:05

dude, your girlfriend is bad-ass. tell her how cool it is. and slow down on the sex, she needs some pleasure too. it isn't just for you.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, one of the human-shaped piles of shit my restaurant serves found a hair in her food. Normally, these fuckwits piss and moan and demand free food, but this sack of filth turned out to be such a drama queen that she puked all over the table and cried so hard she needed an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 496

Today, despite him having a truck and plenty of food in the house, my lazy dad woke me up early and forced me to get him a cup of coffee and a biscuit from the convenience store. They only had sausage biscuits. When I returned, he shot me a dirty look, ripped out the contents of the biscuit, and ate only the bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 97

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to try anal, praise the lord hallelujah. As we were getting into position, she let out a rancid fart she'd been saving for my face. Apparently it was revenge for me seeing Mamma Mia 2 without her while she was at work yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 425

You deserved it 4 082

Today, I found cigarette butts at the bottom of the toaster. My mother has been dropping them in there for I don't know how long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 966

You deserved it 3 380

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 7 years. He thrusted as fast as rabbits. I waited years for 10 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 953

You deserved it 7 101

Today, I finally decided to go Christmas shopping. It's only once I arrived that I realized that I had forgotten my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 153

You deserved it 24 164

Same thing different taste

Let's get loud

Like a virgin

Let down

Top comments

Comments