Intimacy: Scarred for life

Scarred for life

By Aly - 09/12/2011 15:40 - United States

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 197

You deserved it 5 870

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Same thing different taste

By more than I wanted to know - 13/05/2013 19:10 - Italy - San Giustino

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 224

You deserved it 5 880

By Anonymous - 16/01/2010 00:57 - Australia

Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 962

You deserved it 2 647

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 240

You deserved it 4 191

By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 533

You deserved it 2 905

By tobuscus9412 - 22/03/2015 01:04 - Australia - Woronora

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 169

You deserved it 3 343

By Anonymous - 26/06/2015 17:42 - Zambia

Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 218

You deserved it 2 398

At least it wasn't rotting coconut?

By Getmeoutofhere - 10/08/2017 17:15 - Australia

Today, I was masturbating when my dad came into my room to say goodnight. He leaned down over my bed, paused, and said, "What's that smell? It's like... oh." His face dropped and he left the room. I don't think he'll ever see me the same way again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 579

You deserved it 1 163

By confused_girl - 01/08/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 416

You deserved it 5 046

By Anonymous - 16/07/2012 00:12 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my dad sat me down for a talk. After the talk, he wasn't my dad anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 001

You deserved it 2 251

Prepper

By suze44 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 263

You deserved it 5 371

WCARlover 34

Friday 9 December 2011 18:47

I'll keep that in mind for when I have kids lol

kikiwi_fml 9

Friday 9 December 2011 18:47

Looks like your dad has it figured out.

Comments

LimaCharlie 10

Saturday 10 December 2011 4:11

I'm gonna remember that one...

sly161 0

Saturday 10 December 2011 4:15

And know you've ruined sex for me...

ScreamingFits 0

Saturday 10 December 2011 5:45

Get the **** over it and shut up.

5t3ff1k4h 44

Saturday 10 December 2011 5:56

**** off, asshole. This site is for enjoyment of others' misfortunes.

beebananaz88 0

Saturday 10 December 2011 5:51

Sexy sex.

tonnyfong 3

Saturday 10 December 2011 6:01

Isnt it weird to think about your dad while having sex?

detorio 2

Saturday 10 December 2011 6:07

That's just naaasty! Do everything in you power to reverse that, watch Rom-Coms or whatever... Make it happen :)

thatKidzmOm 10

Saturday 10 December 2011 6:24

Made me think of Snatch.

Freeze_fml 16

Saturday 10 December 2011 6:24

Effective parenting at work.

philtography01 1

Saturday 10 December 2011 6:32

Well you're one less prego chick to worry about lol

yusaku02 20

Saturday 10 December 2011 7:54

Sounds like damn good parenting to me.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Jealousy Underwear Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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I agree, your life sucks 14 678

You deserved it 2 169

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I agree, your life sucks 38 911

You deserved it 1 883

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I agree, your life sucks 8 891

You deserved it 45 131

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I agree, your life sucks 36 006

You deserved it 5 107

Today, my mom refused to sign me up for a CPR class, reasoning that if I was ever put in a situation where a person was choking, I could save them using my "common sense" and "intellect." I need this class to graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 004

You deserved it 2 753