Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 24/04/2016 18:05 - United States - Omaha

Today, I met the perfect girl. She is seemingly perfect in every manner. I just learned that she is not seeking neither companionship nor friendship because she will be going to college soon, across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 12

By Anon - 24/04/2016 18:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, I got my phone bill and realised its not in my head that my husband doesnt make an effort to keep in contact with me, 4 calls to me in 30 days. He worked away 21 of them while I was at home working and looking after his son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 24/04/2016 17:47 - Sweden - Huddinge

Today, I was having tea with my boyfriend and his friends. I choked and coughed so hard that I farted. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 19

By Anonymous - 24/04/2016 17:35 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I came home from work to find that my pet cat had completely shredded the curtains that my late grandmother gave me four months before her passing. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 12

By anonymous - 24/04/2016 17:32

Today, I realized that I'm such a virgin that I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 13

By jenoh2002 - 24/04/2016 17:23 - United States - Parma

Today, the guy I liked for over a year started to talk to me on Snapchat. While thinking of something to say, he wrote back and said " sorry, wrong person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 10

By The_Potato_Lord - 24/04/2016 17:21 - United States - Charleston

Today, my brother scared my cat under my bed. 3 stitches later, she still won't come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 7

By Eric - 24/04/2016 17:18 - United States - Green Bay

Today, I went to work and everybody was asking what I was doing here then I realized my vacation started today FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 26

By Anonymous - 24/04/2016 17:07 - United States

Today, my best friend told me that she chose her bridesmaids. We've been best friends for over a decade and always said we'd be each other's bridesmaids. Then she asked me to be an usher instead even though I have near crippling social anxiety. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 14

By Someguy - 24/04/2016 16:57 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I decided to break up with my girlfriend for being a hypocrite. She always said she was against cheating, and I always said I was open to free sexuality. I never cheated on her once because she was against it. She lost track of the number of guys she slept with. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 20

By Anonymous - 24/04/2016 16:51 - United States - Bronx

Today when I got out of the shower, there was no towel on the rack. I opened the door a bit and politely yelled, asking for someone to get me one. My sister replied, saying that nobody was upstairs and I could get it myself. Her voice was coming from her room, which is next door to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 11

By ouch - 24/04/2016 16:49 - United States - Corvallis

Today, my girlfriend of two years informed me that even though it's amazingly good, sex usually always hurts. Even though we use lots of lube and foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 18

By deanambrose - 24/04/2016 16:35 - United States - Boardman

Today, my friend was watching WWE, and he decided do act like Dean Ambrose. Lets just say, a dirty deads on a concrete floor will not only knock you out, but it will send you to the hospital to receive 17 stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 15

By 1thatonedude1 - 24/04/2016 16:27 - United States - Laramie

Today, I woke up and went to take a shower in the dorms bathroom. When I went in, there was a guy taking up both showers listening to radio loudly, so I came back later. He's been there for 45 minutes and this happens often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 10

By WhatIsLove? - 24/04/2016 15:58 - United States - Wallingford

Today, a woman told me all about how the most important thing in a relationship is looks. Upon explaining that personality is more important to me than looks, I was told to shut up because I clearly know nothing about love. Thanks for the love advice, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 11

By LPac5295 - 24/04/2016 15:54 - United States - Pratt

Today, my 14 year old daughter left her phone on the couch by accident. When I went to give it back to her I noticed a contact named "Daddy." It wasn't my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 17

By SoNotCockblocked? - 24/04/2016 15:43 - United States - Toledo

Today, I learned just how dry-spelled I was when during porn I noticed some lovely rose decor on the wall instead of the action Infront of me. And came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 13

By Kendall14159 - 24/04/2016 15:28 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was at church, listening to my music through my Bluetooth headphones. The headphones died and my phone connected to some speakers that I've used before. Suddenly, rock music started blaring from the speakers. I was so mortified that I had a panic attack and vomited on the new carpeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 27

By sadblufly - 24/04/2016 15:19 - United States - Louisville

Today, I had my first trip to the emergency room. I had been fooling around with my boyfriend and when his fingers came out bloody I panicked and thought he had hurt me with his vigorous foreplay. They all laughed at me when they told me it was just my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 27

By Anonymous - 24/04/2016 15:13 - United Kingdom - Harrow

Today, my brother punched me in the arm for no apparent reason, causing me to spill water all over his MacBook. I have to pay for the fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 8

By dasmarra - 24/04/2016 15:06 - Germany - R?sselsheim

Today, a friend gave me some money for the train back home after visiting him. I took the train the last second before it left the station. When asked for my ticket, I realised that I forgot to actually buy it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 16

By Battlebarney - 24/04/2016 14:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, today I realized just how bad my OCD is when I spent four hours organizing an entire family size bag of Chex mix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 11

By anon cat lover - 24/04/2016 14:52 - Australia - Strathpine

Today, I climbed into bed for a well welcomed sleep. Just as I was about to fall into a deep sleep (the first in about a week due to restless nights) I woke to a piercing pain in my foot. My deranged cat had attacked my foot and cut it completely open and two claws were found deep in the wound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 24/04/2016 14:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my little sister and I were messing around (she is 6), I went outside to grab something and I saw her close the door. I kept pushing and pushing and I couldnt get in. Then I rammed the door a few times breaking the rim of the door slightly. The door was a pull not push. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 19

By punkkid - 24/04/2016 14:28 - Australia - Brunswick

Today, I found out why my biological father had not been online. It was because he was recently released from prison, again... FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 7

By VictoriaT519 - 24/04/2016 14:25 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I got fired from my job. Why? Because I work with my boss' son, who's a lazy little shit. My boss says my work ethic 'makes his son look bad, and he can't have that'. Now who's going to close this incredibly important multi-million dollar contract at the end of the month? You guessed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 8

By Evie - 24/04/2016 14:12 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, I always told my daughter not to do something stupid like letting her boyfriend get her pregnant by mistake at 18 years old. So instead she got pregnant by some guy who wasn't her boyfriend, at 17 years old, by cheating on her boyfriend. I just know she did it on purpose to spite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 16

By thanksbabe - 24/04/2016 14:10 - Australia - Armadale

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked like I was having a seizure while I was having an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 24/04/2016 14:01 - United States - Hyattsville

Today, I tried to be nice and clean out the cat box. As I was taking the bag full of dirty cat litter to the trashcan, it ripped and cat shit went everywhere. I then had to clean up the dirty litter outside while the neighbors watched. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 7

By carless - 24/04/2016 13:45 - Australia - Lutana

Today, my cousin managed to stuff the gearbox in my partners car, which would be ok, if my car hadn't broken down a couple months ago leaving me with only his car to get around in. So now I have no car at all and I'm meant to be getting my kids from the other end of the state in 12 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 9

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The Top

Today, I didn't want to get sand in my shoes, so I walked down to the beach barefoot. The sand was so hot that it burned the soles of my feet. I now have blisters across the bottom of my feet and between my toes… but at least there's no sand in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 512

You deserved it 5 022

Today, my sister, who knows I'm severely afraid of heights, got me tickets to skydive for my birthday. When I reminded her of my fear, she stated that she forgot and should just keep them for herself and her boyfriend. My mom agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 242

You deserved it 4 167

Today, at a fancy dress party, I got off with Hitler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 645

You deserved it 40 470

Today, my older brother called me in the middle of the night to describe to me, in painstaking elaborate detail, the Yamaha commercial he'd just watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 612

You deserved it 176

Today, my brother-in-law declared he does not want to be vaccinated against Covid, because his friend, who is a nurse, told him it could make him impotent. Can please someone remove her from the health system? FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 197

Today, because of my wife’s inability to keep her nasty opinions to herself, the last of our children told us via text that they won’t be visiting anymore, or letting us see our grandchildren. So now it’s just me and her, financially trapped in this marriage until one of us dies of old age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 148