Intimacy

Prosecution time

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 20:00 - United States

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend posted a video of me going down on him online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 561

You deserved it 248

Poor old Kermit

By FrogMyLife - 30/07/2021 14:59 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, I've been single for so long, I very nearly had a wet dream about an anthropomorphic frog. A FROG. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 205

Not gonna happen

By Anonymous - 28/07/2021 08:01

Today, my wife and I are supposed to be trying for another baby. We've tried once in the last 7 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 185

Rash decision

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 18:01

Today, I realised I’m allergic to sperm. I was a virgin until recently and my vagina always seemed to itch for days after sex, and I thought that might be normal, but then today I agreed to let my boyfriend facial me and within minutes I had a massive rash everywhere it touched my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 206

Who dis? New phone

By Sexting - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend's phone was stolen. I have no idea who I've been sexting the entire afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 761

You deserved it 9 375

Livin' la vida loca

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 08:01

Today, I asked my husband what he wanted for his birthday, hinting that he could have anything sexual, and he asked me to… take the kids and visit my mother over the weekend, so he could have 48 hours totally alone, naked, drinking beer, and playing his Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 237

You deserved it 1 025

Soul searching

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 13:59 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years came out as gay. I guess I know now why sex was infrequent and made me feel like he wasn't attracted to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 305

You deserved it 138

Attraction

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 11:01

Today, I realized I'm extremely sexually attracted to my physical therapist. It doesn't help that treatment involves me spending the entire appointment naked from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 164

Catchy

By Whatdoido - 25/07/2021 18:01

Today, I found out I have syphilis. I only slept with one person in my entire life, my boyfriend of 2 years. When I told him about it, he burst into tears and said, "It was one time at a company party" and "Maybe if you put some Vagisil or something, it will go away." Seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 050

You deserved it 164

Denied!

By Hystcheria - 25/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I told my long-distance boyfriend that I'd like to throw my legs over my head and have him cram his dick deep inside me. He told me to order a pizza, "It'd be more fun." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 225

Cathartic

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 15:59

Today, I was bored and horny. I figured, what the hell, and downloaded an adult visual novel. Five hours later, I was heartbroken and couldn't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 380

Hangry for that Mickey D's

By anonymous - 23/07/2021 07:59

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, starting to get intimate with him, when one of his friends walked into the room, grabbed my leg, and pulled me onto the floor. His reason? He was hungry and wanted to go to McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 622

You deserved it 183

My husband the shitgibbon

By NotYetThanks - 23/07/2021 00:01

Today, three weeks after a traumatic emergency cesarean section, my husband keeps sulking because sex is the literal last thing I want right now. The fact that my body is still sore and healing is apparently irrelevant when he is horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 993

You deserved it 194

Romance isn't dead

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 02:01

Today, it's been six months since I gave birth, and no matter how many times we've tried, my post baby body just doesn’t arouse my husband anymore. We still love each other, but for him to get a boner these days he has to watch a few minutes of porn first then keep his eyes closed during sex so he doesn’t go soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 142

You deserved it 210

Involuntary

By hannahthedino - 20/07/2021 04:01 - United States

Today, my friend spent the night. I now know that she masturbates in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 141

Caught

By luckoftheirish - 18/07/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that masturbating on an airplane isn't frowned upon like they say in the movie 'The Hangover'. It's actually illegal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 2 993

Whatever works

By dumblonde78 - 17/07/2021 14:01

Today, I noticed that to get my boyfriend to do what I want, I must bribe him with food instead of sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 309

Don't you want me, baby?

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 00:01

Today, it's been 10 months of a sexless marriage. Also my 10-month wedding anniversary. We waited until marriage, and she hasn't wanted me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 643

You deserved it 323

The classic switcheroo

By Anonymous - 16/07/2021 16:01

Today, I accidentally texted my very strict and judgemental mom instead of my boyfriend. The text said, "I wanna lick ice cream off your dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 1 517

Nun the wiser

By Anonymous - 11/07/2021 16:01

Today, my girlfriend offered to roleplay as a sexy nun, then dumped me, claiming my saying yes meant I was attacking her catholic faith and that I’m a sick, depraved criminal. She was the one who offered. I’m not remotely interested in roleplay, I only agreed cause I thought it was her kink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 138

Kick the tragedy

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 18:01

Today, my boyfriend is pushing for sex even though I’ve just had spinal surgery, his reasoning being I only have to lie there, so it’s not like he’s asking me to move or actively participate. He basically wants me to ignore my pain and become a masturbation toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 173

No kidding

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 22:01

Today, I congratulated my best mate and his wife on their third pregnancy in three years. It then dawned on me that they've had sex more times in three years of marriage than I have had in six years of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 256

Freud intensifies

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 22:01

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. An ex? A friend? A side guy? Nope, none of those. I called him “Dad”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 1 212

Remember me?

By Anonymous - 07/07/2021 18:01

Today, I had a flat tire and took it to the local tire store. Turns out, the guy I had sex with once and ghosted was working there. He fixed my flat and asked if I remembered him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 1 706

Going too far

By cad515 - 07/07/2021 02:01

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try role play. She suggested I be a robber, so I went outside and tried to break in my window, wearing nothing but my underwear and a ski mask on. She decided it would be funny to call the cops, because it would, "add to the mood." They came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 660

You deserved it 467

Vibe check

By Anonymous - 06/07/2021 14:01

Today, I started my first day of nursing clinicals. My first patient was none other than my ex-girlfriend, who I recently broke up with. She has an STI. She told me I needed to get checked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 484

You deserved it 161

The taste test

By Anonymous - 04/07/2021 07:59

Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me when I went to give him a blowjob after he got home and his knob tasted different. It was the other woman’s fanny juice still on him because he hadn’t had a shower yet. So f…ing angry and grossed out right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 059

You deserved it 243

Can't talk right now

By Anonymous - 03/07/2021 08:01 - Canada

Today, while I was getting a blowjob from my girlfriend in the shower, my mom stood outside the door the whole time, asking me about my day. My girlfriend never stopped going, and my mom, who was unaware that my girl was with me in the shower, is now getting me tested for speech impairment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 641

You deserved it 689

Oddly specific

By RowerBud - 02/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I realized I masturbate too much when I got turned on by the smell of my shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 954

Fellas, is it gay to drink Mountain Dew?

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 18:01

Today, I was lying in bed when my sister came home. She had a Mountain Dew, so of course I asked for some. She then told me she just sucked dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 455

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I decided to try and call into a local radio station to try and win concert tickets for one of my favorite bands. I called in and was actually the winning number. When asked my name I answered quickly, but all I heard was "Hello? Hello?" Then they hung up. My cell phone was on mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 385

You deserved it 16 595

Today, my 21 year-old daughter sent me the longest, violent, most hateful text I've ever seen in my life. Apparently she opposes me marrying her best friend of 12 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 2 474

Today, my neighbour was practicing his opera singing, drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 668

You deserved it 3 325

Today, I was yelled at and almost fired for showing up "late" to work. I was the first one here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 829

You deserved it 334

Today, my dad decided I was too hairy and taught me to shave. This would be a great bonding experience if I weren't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 884

You deserved it 2 364

Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 310

You deserved it 3 858