Your everyday life stories

Clubbing tip

Anonymous - - United States - Pocatello

Today, I approached a cute girl at a club, and she started barking at me like a rabid dog. Thinking she might be mentally unhinged, I left, only to see the same girl laughing her ass off with her friends minutes later. When I went back over, her friends started barking at me too. FML

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Am I being detained?

PackingSpaceHeat - - United States

Today, I realized I've been acting very paranoid lately. I was mugged a few weeks ago, so I've been nervous. I've been holding my hands in my pockets and looking around on my way outside from work. Apparently, that's grounds to arrest someone under suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon. FML

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Attempted romance

ItRainedOutside - - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, after three years with my dream girl, I decided to pop the question by making her complete a scavenger hunt ending in her finding me, suit and everything, by the park bench where we had our first kiss. She came home tired and, instead of following the clues, decided to watch TV all day. FML

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Policy of truth

Lisaaa - - Canada

Today, it was my little girl's birthday and her grandparents came over to celebrate. One of the presents from her grandparents turned out to be a sweater. She then asked, "Mommy, may I please lie?" When I shook my head no, she exclaimed, "I hate this ugly sweater!" FML

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Thanks, I hate it!

pleasebackintomycaragain - - Canada

Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot, an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML

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Emotional

Alisha Marie - - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He went outside for a "breather" and never came back. FML

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Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

forever alone -

Today, I was so desperate for someone to talk to I called various restaurants pretending to be interested in ordering food, just so I could have a conversation. I called eleven different places. FML

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Thanks for your concern

nothealthy - - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my sister called after she found out I was hospitalized with surgery complications. Worried about me? Wondering if I'm okay? Nope. Just mad that I texted her an update rather than calling. I didn't call because I had surgery on my throat and can't speak. FML

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Sob story

marisacb - - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML

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Oh please

Anonymous - - United States

Today, at the airport, a lady bitched me out for changing her departure gate. She called me incompetent and accused me of "messing with people's lives" by "making them walk." I didn't change the gate, and the other gate was less than 10 feet away. FML

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Tales of the Unexpected

maddyUnderstood -

Today, I went into a job interview for Quizno's. The boss there talked to me for an hour and half about everything on God's green earth. She noticed I was a certified swim instructor. I left Quizno's with no job, but with an appointment to teach the boss how to swim tomorrow at 9 a.m. FML

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Got talent?

sorrygrandma - - United States

Today, our school chorus went to a senior citizens' home. An elderly lady died during my solo. FML

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Late

unemployed - - United States

Today, I drove two and a half hours to a job interview. The interviewer never showed up or called. I sat in the hotel lobby waiting for an hour and a half. Even the hotel staff said they felt sorry for me. FML

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You gotta be kidding me?

mammasboy - - United States - Springfield

Today, my mom scolded me and threatened to ground me for coming home past midnight. Normally, it wouldn't be unreasonable, except for the fact that I'm 24 years-old, and that my parents live with me, in my own house. FML

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Demon child

thatoneguy - - United States

Today, a five year-old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

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Slobber

Sad_Happy_Gorl -

Today, after getting together with the guy who I like, and who actually likes me back, he finally kissed me. Unfortunately, he kisses like he’s trying to suck out my soul. FML

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Plumbing issues

thirddegreeburned - - United States - Monroe

Today, I finally made the connection between people in my apartment building flushing their toilets, and my running shower water becoming scalding hot. This wouldn't be quite as bad if there weren't six floors to the building, with twenty units on each. FML

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Smells like strip spirit

m…… - - United States

Today, we went to the mall and my husband picked me out some perfume. When I asked him why he liked that particular one, he responded with, "That's what's the stripper at my bachelor party was wearing." He was completely serious. FML

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Hoarded in

nola2005 -

Today, as my gaze went from the cobwebs hanging from my ceiling to the opened and unopened Amazon boxes in the corners of my house, I realized I'm on my way to being a hoarder. I'm too tired and depressed to do anything about it. FML

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Jog on

Anonymous - - United States

Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML

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Relatable

ayeayeboy19 - - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I was watching "My Strange Addiction". The woman featured ate rocks. While judging her weird habit, I realised I was chewing on a coat-hanger the whole time. FML

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Gamers rise up

Anonymous - - Brazil - Joinville

Today, I went over to a guy's house. He had almost no furniture and slept on a mattress on the floor; however, he had the most impressive gaming computer I've ever seen. He's 40. FML

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Bad timing

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I got fired because I abruptly hung up on my boss while being pulled over for talking in a hands free zone. I also got a $300 fine. FML

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At last!

All Dressed Up With No Place To Go - - United States - Ashland

Today, I finally lost enough weight to fit into the beautiful dress that I ordered for my senior prom. I graduated from high school in 2010. FML

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Unionize!

Anonymous - - United States - West Hartford

Today, I found out the unionized cleaning people that empty the garbage and clean the toilets make $19/hr and have more paid time off than I do with my college degree. FML

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Maddening

ballnchain - - United States

Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML

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Left behind

happysingleone -

Today, the last of my college friends is getting married and now I'm the last single one. Don't worry though, if one ever gets a divorce we can hang out again. FML

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Not on the weekend

jtaylor94 - - Canada

Today, my dad's boss called our house and I answered. He said, "Is your dad home?" I replied, "I'll go check." I put the phone on mute and asked my dad if he wanted to talk to his boss. My dad says, "Does that asshole not have a life?" Turns out the phone wasn't on mute, it was on speaker. FML

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End of the line

almost -

Today, I waited 75 minutes for a rollercoaster. I got on the front seat and it broke a few seconds before it started. It was closed for the rest of the day. FML

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Wet leg

meep -

Today, as I was walking to wash my hands after using the restroom, the guy walking away from the sink flicked water from his hands towards the floor. Water splashed all over my beige shorts. I had to walk back into class looking like I'd peed my pants. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I felt euphoric joy upon finding my deceased cat alive! Then utter devastation: she was suffering and needed putting down. Then joy! She recovered! Then crippling loss when it didn't last. This vivid emotional nightmare continued over and over until I woke up sobbing. My Fitbit says it was my best sleep in a year. FML

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Today, I wrote an email for a job offer. I checked it, double-checked it, triple-checked it, and then sent it. It's only THEN that I realised my CV wasn't attached. FML

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Today, my boss asked about the mass of deep scratches on my arm. I lied and told him it happened while I was trying to save my cat from a tree. Truth is, my cat is a sadistic asshole who stalks me and mauls me whenever he can. FML

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Today, was my first day of work in my life. I was excited, and so was my dad, who saw me to the door and ruffled my hair as he wished me luck. I didn't notice until half an hour after arriving at work that he'd stuck his gum in my hair. Nobody bothered to tell me. FML

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Today, I went to my friend's little brother's birthday party. A few of the younger kids were hitting me with a pool noodle, and I didn't really care until a 9-year-old loudly exclaimed, "Hit her in the pussy!" FML

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Today, my counsellor said that my venting needs to stop with this session, and that I needed to have goals towards which she can help me go. But I'm so lonely and just wanted to talk to someone. So now, a person won't take money from me to listen to me. FML

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