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    : 320



    Suave

    Quiet is sexy - 03/04/2025 23:00 - Romania

    Today, my husband whined that our sex life is terrible. I agree. I wish he'd stop killing the mood with crappy pickup lines and crude innuendos every time I act even slightly receptive towards him. It's like he turns into a 14 year-old the second I kiss him. FML
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    Dating is hell

    Pauline - 14/04/2025 12:00 - United States

    Today, after I finally matched with someone who could spell, had a job, and liked dogs. Mid-date, he said climate change is a hoax and offered me Ivermectin for my allergies. FML
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    Sir…

    Anonymous - 05/05/2025 20:00 - Australia

    Today, I was at a restaurant with some friends, trying to be cultured by ordering in French. I confidently said to the waiter, “Je voudrais le poulet, s'il vous plaît.” The waiter stared at me and said, “Sir, this is a Chinese restaurant.” FML
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    Let 'em loose

    Anonymous - 07/05/2025 09:00 - United States - Washington

    Today, I sat next to my crush in class in a very loose, low-hanging shirt in the front (my mother had made me wear it, I didn't want to), and I felt so giddy because he kept staring at me in shock. No, not because I'm so beautiful, but because my boobs were hanging out. FML
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    Never engage with crazy

    Anonymous - 18/05/2025 15:00 - China

    Today, I encountered a madman who threw a bottle at me and hurt me. In a fit of rage, I beat him up, and as a result I was taken to the police station, and ordered to pay compensation for everything. FML
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    Doesn't everyone do this?

    Anonymous - 20/05/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, I found out why my boyfriend takes so long in the bathroom. Apparently he has a system for shitting he’s very OCD about: he has to be naked in case poo touches any of his clothes, he has to wipe stood up with one leg elevated, and the whole process takes 10x longer than it should. FFS! FML
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    Isn't this, like, a crime?

    Anonymous - 28/05/2025 17:00 - United States

    Today, I found out that my boyfriend blows weed smoke at me while I sleep. I don’t smoke. Then he turns off the Ring camera in the middle of the night and cheats on me with men that he finds on Grindr. FML
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    Dude, gross!

    Darkness Inside - 13/06/2025 15:00 - United States

    Today, my dad learned that I sometimes waffle stomp in the shower if I wake up late. He built a shower stall outside and has threatened to kick me out if he ever finds me showering inside again. I get that it's kinda gross but this is a massive overreaction. What will I do in winter? FML
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    That'll do

    Anonymous - 17/06/2025 20:00 - Australia - Melbourne

    Today, while my best friend's dad was dying, I raced to get her brother who I had never met. I had no idea how to make him feel better so I gave him a plastic glow-in-the-dark duck. I gave a grown man a trinket to try to make him feel better about his father dying. FML
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    Surprise!

    Anonymous - 22/06/2025 14:00 - United States - Altoona

    Today, after my girlfriend had said she was cooking surprise dinner for me this week, the crazy thing is I came home early from work and the surprise dinner was she was eating some dude's cock and balls. FML
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    Messed up

    Anonymous - 26/06/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, my therapist told me she can’t see me by herself anymore because frankly I have so many problems, I need separate therapists, each with their own specialties, to work together on me as a team. I didn’t think it was that bad. FML
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    Impressive indeed

    Chad - 28/06/2025 03:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, I was trying to impress someone by doing pull-ups. I got halfway up, froze, and then slowly slipped down like a dying horse. It felt like the whole park had stopped to watch. I tried to laugh it off, but I’m pretty sure they’re still talking about it. FML
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    Grumpy face

    Anonymous - 29/06/2025 21:00

    Today, my daughter confidently told me that I’m not allowed to ignore her when she’s sulking on purpose. That’s not how it’s supposed to work. Clearly this child has spent too long listening to my ex-wife and her coven of brain-dead cackling witches, AKA her mother and aunties. FML
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    Bad influence

    Anonymous - - United States

    Today, it's been one week since my demented grandma babysat my five-year-old daughter while my husband took me to a fancy restaurant. Now she's taken to screaming and calling me a "damn commie" whenever I discipline or say no to her. FML
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    Wishful thinking

    Anonymous - 15/07/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, my wife told me she’s pregnant and we went through the whole range of emotions together, surprise, happiness, tears, anger, acceptance, you name it. An hour later she said she wanted to save the pregnancy test for memories. Guess she forgot her glasses, it very clearly says NOT pregnant. FML
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    How deep is your rake?

    Anonymous - 23/07/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, in a scene worthy of any comedy movie, I slipped and landed on my ass right on the garden rake my husband left in the grass. Sounds funny, right? Well, I have 9 holes in my ass and thigh that need stitches. One of them came close to poking my femoral artery, so technically I almost died. FML
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    Freudian slip

    Anonymous - 08/08/2025 00:00 - United States - Boulder

    Today, I sent a screenshot of my ex’s new partner to my best friend with a caption saying, “She looks like a melted candle.” Of course, I sent it directly to my ex. He replied with, “She’s right next to me.” FML
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    No kinkshaming!

    I'm a freak - 17/09/2025 20:00

    Today, I watched Alien for the first time with my husband. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I got so wet during the facehugger scene, I had to fake a panic attack and ask him to turn the movie off because I was scared he'd notice. FML
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    Strange verbiage

    Anonymous - 09/10/2025 03:00

    Today, I tried to compliment a woman’s scarf by saying, “That’s a nice wrap!” She misheard me and thought I said, “Nice rack!” She glared at me and loudly said, “Excuse me?!” in front of about twenty people. FML
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    Oh shit

    TGIF - 09/11/2025 00:00

    Today, I received a package labeled “Confidential.” Excited, I opened it in front of my coworkers, thinking it was a PR gift. It was the new toilet seat I'd mistakenly sent to my work address instead of my house. FML
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    Freud would have field day

    Anonymous - 10/11/2025 20:00

    Today, I was about to hook up with my crush, but he turned out to have a micro penis and couldn’t even get it hard. Then I woke up. I can’t even get laid properly in my dreams. FML
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    Thanks, neighbor

    nobody - 12/11/2025 15:00

    Today, my dad was drunk and angry, so I went to the neighbor's since I didn't know what to do. He was so nice and comforted me as I cried. Then his wife came home, called him a pedophile, beat me, and threw me out. FML
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    Nervous

    Anonymous - 14/11/2025 09:00

    Today, I met a blind date from a dating app. He looked nothing like his pictures, but I tried to be polite. I said, “Wow, you look different in person!” He smiled and said, “That’s not me. He’s probably just running late, and I’m just sitting here.” FML
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    It's the most wonderful time of the year (nearly)

    Anonymous - 17/11/2025 22:00

    Today, ever since the day we met, me and my wife haven’t cared about Xmas at all except for exchanging a few gifts. Well I don’t know what happened but I got home from work and she had bought £1800 worth of Xmas shit and decorated every room and the garden. In November. What? Why? FML
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    Honey, I'm home!

    Anonymous - 26/11/2025 20:00

    Today, I got home and found my husband, naked with an erection and my panties on his face like a mask. He claimed to be the Panty Bandit there to plunder my booty. I might have indulged his insanity and had sex with him were my mom and dad not right behind me in the doorway. FML
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    Billie Jean

    Anonymous - 28/11/2025 15:00

    Today, despite my warnings, my mother continues to go see my ex's son and encourage her to get more child support from me. They both say that because I signed the birth certificate, that makes that baby mine. I don't think he is, and I'm currently with someone else, with my first real son on the way. FML
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    Get back here

    JANES - 18/12/2025 03:00

    Today, my senile grandad saw me and thought I was cutting class, so he pulled his belt off and came after me. While I was trying to get away, his pants fell off and he tripped over them. I'm now getting the blame for "making him have a fall". FML
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    Happy New Year!

    Anonymous -

    Today, my New Year’s Eve consisted of four things: being home alone, drinking cheap alcohol out of a tooth mug, getting an upset stomach from that, then going to bed early with ear plugs. FML
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    I'm fine, I swear

    Duped - 06/01/2026 15:00

    Today, I realized the reason my neighbor keeps smiling awkwardly at me is because I’ve been waving enthusiastically at their security camera every morning, thinking it was a motion-activated light. FML
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    What is wrong with you?

    emerald - 08/01/2026 09:00

    Today, I noticed my daughter’s bathroom was dusty, so I screamed at her for keeping the bathroom in unacceptable condition. She had a panic attack and has been crying for the past week. She’s 24. FML
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    FMyLife FMyLife
    FMyLife FMyLife
    Today, my manager denied our entire team the measly 2% raise he'd promised us months ago because it’s "not in the budget." Coincidentally, all the managers' free company cars were just upgraded from 10 year-old luxury Range Rovers to 2023 Mercedes and BMWs, due to record company profits. FML
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    Today, I woke up on the last day of my vacation at the beach to find that my dog had chewed a hole in the wall of my rented house, 2 hours before the owner arrived to check for any damage. FML
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    Today, my close friend who’s always been incredibly vocal about how much she hates children, never wants to be around them or have anything to do with them, stopped speaking to me. She’s incredibly "hurt" that I asked another friend to be my unborn child's godmother instead of her. FML
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    Today, I called in sick at work and went to the bar, only to find out that my manager has a second job there. I am now jobless. FML
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    Today, I got tired of my brother-in-law making disgusting immature misogynistic remarks so I decided to shut him down by boasting that I make twice his annual salary in a month. Now my husband is pissed at me for humiliating his brother, and letting everyone know out-earn them both. FML
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    Today, I have quite a niche career forging swords, knives, and other weapons for museums. Well today my wife wanted to watch the anime Demon Slayer, we got to the scenes with the insane masked swordsmith, and she burst out laughing like, “Oh my god, you’re twins, grumpy twins!” FML
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    © VDM SAS,

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