The Top

Op here. Yeah, I tried to tell them the road needs regraded, but a) I'm female and b) I'm just a laborer so no one bothers to listen to me. There are several elderly people on that particular road who have nothing to do but complain about the holes so that's why they sent me out. It still doesn't make it right for the rednecks to fly up the road and fling all the stone out. If I hadn't been ducking flying rocks, I would've gotten his license plate number and called the cops for distruction of public property. He put several dents in the 5500 Ram I was driving too.

Oh, hai Mark!

By sweet - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I discovered that despite locking the bathroom door of an airplane, a man is still fully capable of walking in on you changing your tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 429

You deserved it 2 034

Gotcha!

By Anonymous - 02/07/2016 13:39 - United States - Revere

Today, my brother set me up on a blind date. I've been single for years and he said she was a perfect match for me, so I was excited. Turned out the fucker was playing a prank. The girl was my sister, who was just as surprised as I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 491

You deserved it 1 121

Mommy Issues

By Anonymous - 28/06/2018 20:47

Today, my mother-in-law yanked my corset so tight that I shit myself. While wearing my dress. On my wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 593

You deserved it 414

By Sad - 28/04/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218 538

You deserved it 15 345

By Anonymous - 02/01/2016 05:17 - United States - Norristown

Today, I have a stomach bug. I went to go downstairs, and my cat decided to dart between my legs, causing me to trip and fall down the stairs in a pinwheel of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 121

You deserved it 1 791

You have been warned

By AnalProbe - 12/03/2017 18:00

Today, my mother warned me that if I ever have anal sex I will die. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 162

You deserved it 507

Never touch the Xbox

By Unknown - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I turned off my boyfriend's Xbox while he was playing because I wanted to talk to him about getting more serious with our relationship. As I did so, he said, "That's not the only thing you just turned off" and promptly broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 942

You deserved it 15 745

By really_dad? - 17/08/2017 13:00

Today, I came out to my parents. After we had a talk about them accepting me, my dad said, "Now get out of here you little duck sucker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 927

You deserved it 721

Flight from hell

By MDoremis - 28/08/2016 19:24 - United States - Honolulu

Today, while flying home, two little girls started chanting, "We're all going to die." I'm an extremely anxious flyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 726

You deserved it 1 097

Snitches get bitches

By Innocent - 18/08/2016 23:03 - New Zealand

Today, someone drove into my car at an intersection and drove off. Luckily, I got the car's registration plate and called the cops on them. Turns out, it was my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend, who was illegally driving without a license. Now everyone's mad at me for getting her in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 752

You deserved it 1 241

I'm going to make it awkward

By Wellthen - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I was fired from my job. Not because I don't do a good job but because my boss didn't feel it was appropriate to have an affair with my wife and have to face me everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 349

You deserved it 1 543

The audacity

By fuckthat! - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Madison

Today, my soon-to-be ex-husband had the audacity to ask if the woman he cheated on me with could be in the delivery room while I give birth to our baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 613

You deserved it 416

By Nessa - 18/02/2018 19:30 - New Zealand

Today, I got robbed. They took my stereo and laptop, but they left my car and a note that reads "Wtf is this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 273

You deserved it 375

By TotallyDoneDating - 02/05/2018 05:00

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of 2 years lost her virginity on a cruise last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 904

You deserved it 770

By scarred for life - 28/05/2016 05:23 - United States - Carmel

Today, I realized my recent weight loss probably wasn't caused by working out and eating more healthily. It was from the tapeworm I discovered hanging out my ass after I took a crap. I had to pull it out with my bare hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 594

You deserved it 4 087

Perv

By WhyMe - 09/04/2017 22:00

Today, at work, a customer was staring at me for a long time. Hoping to break the awkwardness, I asked him what brought him to the store today. He complimented me on my friendly demeanor, then followed up with, "Since you're so friendly, how about coming in the bathroom with me and giving me a hand?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 424

You deserved it 396

By Me - 20/12/2016 01:40 - United States - Canyon Lake

Today, while reading out loud in front of my entire class and teacher, I learned that I can't pronounce the word 'success'. It came out as 'sex', and when I tried to correct myself more slowly (multiple times), it came out 'sexsex'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 953

You deserved it 1 219

By Anonymous - 28/04/2017 21:00 - France - Paris

Today, as we were exchanging little affections in bed, my girlfriend suddenly burst into tears. I insisted on knowing why. She had just realized how much she missed her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 736

You deserved it 430

By gotmilk? - 22/09/2015 13:41 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 676

You deserved it 1 853

By alternativefacts - 10/07/2017 14:28

Today, I confronted my neighbor because he'd been telling my kids that global warming was a myth. He responded with, "Whine all you want, but the swamp is draining and your bullshit liberal narrative is finally going down." He then dumped his trash on my lawn and retreated to his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 977

You deserved it 1 237

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while I was working the drive-thru window, a customer sneezed into his hand and then handed me his money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 789

You deserved it 145

Today, I told my fiancé I wanted him to watch The Handmaid's Tale with me. He snorted and said, "Nah, I'd rather not watch your rape fantasy show." First of all, ew. Second of all, how is this show a fantasy? It's horrifying. Third of all, EW! FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 390

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 301

You deserved it 3 924

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his best friend. Who just so happened to be the guy who made my high school years a living hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 87

Today, my own breast milk has caused my sensitive skin to break out into a rash all over my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 886

You deserved it 262

Today, I found out that the reason why the guy I took home from the bar seemed to understand everything about me instantly was because he was my ex's secret drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 729

You deserved it 497