Miscellaneous I'm awake - FML

I'm awake

meh beard - - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Anonymous - 11/01/2015 08:44

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

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desertpunk75 - 19/01/2011 03:40 - United States

Today, my friends thought it'd be funny to hold lighters under the smoke alarms while I was sleeping. FML

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curlyisnogood - 10/01/2011 00:19

Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML

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Anonymous - 07/01/2014 21:24 - United States

Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML

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Close but no cigar

Anonymous - 23/12/2015 23:26

Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML

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Pyrotechnics

Homeless for the holidays - 13/12/2020 22:58 - United States - Farmington

Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML

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ILiveWithMorons - 12/04/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

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ericane27 - 27/12/2011 19:53 - United States

Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML

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Anonymous - 19/09/2011 20:27 - United States

Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML

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neednewfriends - 19/12/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I ran into the living room when I heard the smoke alarm going off. Turns out, my friend thought it was a good idea to melt a plastic cup on my floor heater. He also thought the best way to put it out was to urinate on it. My house smells like burnt pee. FML

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thawny_fml 21

Tuesday 19 January 2016 12:22

Goodness gracious great balls of fire! But seriously, get a new roommate.

Twigman8 15

Tuesday 19 January 2016 12:24

At least you can stay warm in the Canadian winter, now! On a more serious note, hopefully you didn't end up badly burned and I hope he apologized to you!

stitesy29 18

Wednesday 20 January 2016 0:51

Set his pubes on fire to wake him up

xxxxqazwsxedc1 8

Wednesday 20 January 2016 1:28

Set his dick hair on fire next time OP.

ircs56 10

Wednesday 20 January 2016 4:40

that is wrong on all levels!!! they must die for that

lovelybones37 20

Wednesday 20 January 2016 5:08

You need a new roommate. Hope you're okay!

blink831forever 13

Wednesday 20 January 2016 9:05

You need to get a bat and break your roommate's bones. That is way ****** up and dangerous to do. Or if you are non violent, press charges for assault.

vikky538 28

Wednesday 20 January 2016 13:53

At least he didn't fire your balls.

missreader 14

Saturday 23 January 2016 9:10

I hope you weren't hurt and I hope your doing okay

HeyHoKeiko 16

Saturday 23 January 2016 9:30

If my roommate did that to my beard I would probably go into a blind rage and actually kill them.

Madissoni 14

Sunday 24 January 2016 7:11

Wake me up! Wake me up and say! I can't wake up! Wake me up and say! Saaaaaave meee!

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, a woman started breastfeeding her infant in a restaurant. Disgusted, I told her to take it to the bathroom, as I was eating. In response, she squirted me with milk then went back to ignoring me. FML

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Today, while working as a highway patrol officer, I pulled over my girlfriend for speeding and was required by law to ticket her. Another officer was with me, so I couldn't not ticket her without being reported. We share a joint account, so I basically ticketed myself. FML

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Today, I dropped my phone in the bathtub and had to spend the whole night trying to make the speakers work again. On top of that, while I was cleaning the bedding I discovered that my bed had grown a black mold farm and I have been sleeping on it for God knows how long. FML

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Today, my 14-year-old brother told me he needed help with something "very personal." Thinking he wanted girlfriend advice or something, I said, "Sure, no problem". He wanted me to shave his butt crack. FML

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Today, after five years of working a soul-sucking dead end job, I was offered an amazing role in a new field. When the HR rep told me, I was so excited that I screamed at the top of my lungs, cheered like a maniac, and started laughing so hard I cried.I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm off my meds now. FML

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Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML

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