Grand Old Irony

Anonymous - 27/03/2020 02:12

Today, I asked my 'friend with benefits' if she'd consider actually dating me regularly. She said yes, but only if I joined the Republican Party, because she "would never date anyone who didn't fight for morality." FML

2 049

897

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Bullet dodged

RIP me - 16/01/2026 20:00

Today, I was talking with my newly-single male friend, who I've had a crush on forever. He was rattling off his list of what he looks for in a woman, like, "Must want kids, must eat meat…" I got excited thinking I might have a shot until I heard, "Must be at least somewhat right wing." Fuck. FML

170

451

Anonymous - 17/06/2009 00:59 - United States

Today, I asked out this girl I've been spending a lot of time with lately. She told me she was only hanging out with me because she thought I was gay and wouldn't try to get in her pants. FML

48 520

4 915

genderless - 17/10/2016 19:34 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, the person I was seeing asked to be just friends. A few hours later, they tried to talk me into having sex. FML

12 271

1 294

Words having meaning

Consentmattersiguess - 28/01/2026 09:00

Today, I went to a party where a girl I like was there. I wanted to dance with her. She rebuffed me and said, “Consent matters.” Later on, I saw her grinding with another guy she'd just met. So apparently “consent matters” with me, a friend of two years, but not for a complete stranger. FML

just_friends - 27/10/2010 17:19 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to stay just friends. Not only did I get denied, apparently we're also "just friends." FML

38 369

3 606

Judge not

Anonymous - 18/07/2020 05:01

Today, my friend dragged me out of a movie because they swore a bit and there was drug use. Apparently, she's a Mormon now, and, "doesn't want her values compromised." This from the same girl who tried to get me to try crack a few weeks ago. FML

1 790

241

drama king? - 10/04/2013 22:17 - United States - Bolivar

Today, I had a friend "dump" me over Facebook. She apparently thought we were dating. I'm a gay man who's lived with his partner for 5 years. She says I have commitment issues. FML

53 610

6 011

Anonymous - 05/10/2017 08:00 - United States - Park City

Today, I proposed. She immediately said no and then broke up with me. FML

4 141

429

Bullet dodged

Alien - 29/12/2015 11:07 - Switzerland

Today, after dating this girl for 3 months, I finally introduced her to my friends. She looked panicked during the date, and after it she broke up with me. When I asked why, she told me she could try to deal with a black friend, but not with a gay one. I've been dating a moron all this time. FML

26 525

2 672

A good excuse

Anonymous - 21/11/2019 01:00

Today, my ex-girlfriend, who broke up with me because God said she couldn't have a boyfriend, started dating my friend... Who she always told me she didn't even like. FML

2 295

227

jrn 14

Friday 27 March 2020 6:10

Dodged a bullet

RichardPencil 30

Friday 27 March 2020 3:45

Really? Many constituencies in the GOP would not consider being an FWB is moral. Lots of them are hypocrites anyways.

1known 31

Thursday 2 April 2020 4:01

Republican party and morality have nothing in common nowadays. Nothing.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML

584

149

Today, my husband and I agreed that he would name our first born and I would name our second. He's dead-set on naming our child "Raindropp" no matter whether it's a boy or girl. FML

29 652

7 528

Today, I found out my best friend made a program to reply to my text messages with random sentences from a list. It took 15 minutes of texting before I finally noticed. FML

41 752

6 354

Today, I was talking to an art critic at an exhibition. He told me that the artist had no talent and went on to tell me everything wrong with each painting. I'd painted them all. FML

25 406

2 627

Today, while parking, I accidentally hit my landlord's daughter's brand new car. I made a huge dent in the side door. I thought nobody was home, so I quickly went to my room. Turns out they were having a barbecue outside and saw the whole thing. FML

8 404

51 914

Today, I guess my mom didn't clean her toilet before going on vacation. That’s probably why it’s not only dirty, but the dirt has started to grow mould. Spoiler: She's been back from her trip for a while now, the toilet still looks that way. FML

726

103