Your everyday life stories

WTFMAN - 15/06/2016 02:57 - United States - Alden

Today, I was told to expect the unexpected by my boyfriend, I figured it was something happy but to my surprise I found out he slept with my best friend. FML

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awful timing - 15/06/2016 02:46 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I spent $100 to send my girlfriend flowers. Two hours before they arrived she broke up with me, guess who couldn't cancel the delivery in time. FML

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Anonymous - 15/06/2016 02:34 - United States - Mankato

Today, I had to go to the hospital because one of my nuts is the size of a grape fruit. FML

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SixthSinEnvy - 15/06/2016 01:00 - United States

Today, I realized I've been reading too many fantasy books lately when I tried to use my 'powers' to shut the front door from up the stairs with a wave of my hand. I had to remind myself I'm not a wizard. FML

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OliverVetch - 14/06/2016 23:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I learned that just because my mouth and stomach can handle a jalepeno/habanero/serrano salad, does NOT mean my colon can. I think my asshole grew a new asshole and set it on fire to get it out of my system. FML.

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notsogracious - 14/06/2016 22:31 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was made redundant becuase of a long term illness. I had made thousands of pounds for the company and helped them when they were struggling for money... they thanked me with a £50 cheque. FML

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NitaRockz - 14/06/2016 20:03 - United States - Sacramento

Today, while at the vet to get a foxtail out of my dogs eye, I was trying to communicate how anal I am about her wearing the cone. Instead, what came out of my Perimenopausal mouth was "I'm really good at anal" FML

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zeelux - 14/06/2016 19:56 - Canada

Today, while at work, a guy pulled up with a cart loaded with meat. Trying to be engaging, I cracked a joke about him being a meatlover. He then proceeded to tell me it was all for his dog, and that she had cancer so it was all she ate. FML.

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PineappleTango12 - 14/06/2016 19:00 - United States - Silver Spring

Today marks a year since my son moved into his own apartment. So he wouldn't be lonely, I bought him a parrot. When I came to visit him, the only noises the bird made was very loud moaning and a slew of curse words I didn't even know existed. FML

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CODkiller - 14/06/2016 18:41 - United States - Boyden

Today, I had just got done playing call of duty and decided to make some Mac and cheese. I grabbed the biggest knife we had out of our cupboard. I tried to hold the knife call of duty-style and "slit" the box's throat. I ended up missing the box and slicing my thumb wide open. FML

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Vitreal - 14/06/2016 18:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent an hour being sworn at by an Indian man because I couldn't get him "the best deal". I'm a telemarketer and no other jobs are hiring. FML.

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The Micromanaged - 14/06/2016 17:48 - United States - Seattle

Today, my technology-challenged boss reminded me, his receptionist of 3 years, how to schedule someone. Then his wife reminded me how to send an email. Just because they're incompetent, doesn't mean I am too. FML

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Tyrion_Tripod - 14/06/2016 17:24 - United States - Lisle

Today, for the first time ever an extremely cute girl, who I thought I hit it off with asked me for my number after a long 12 hour shift of work. For some reason I thought she meant the store phone..I then forgot to give her my number, and once she left I realized she actually asked for mine, FML.

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Sagedrop - 14/06/2016 17:23 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I had to do a drug test to become full time at my job. I read saying don't flush the toilet or the test would be void. Tell me why my habit of flushing kick in after finishing. FML

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kalau13 - 14/06/2016 17:20 - Canada - Milk River

Today, I found out my grandpa passed away, I told my friends I wouldn't have a party and instead of condolences my one friend asked 'does that mean I get to keep your present?'. FML

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sastgamer - 14/06/2016 16:53 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I decided to entertain the big kids at daycare by digging a hole for them. Then I got stuck in the hole, instead of helping me out, the kids started to bury me. Now I need to be in sandy clothes the 5 hours of work. FML

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anonomous - 14/06/2016 16:53 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend both had an interview at the same place. I worked there previously for a year and a half and was the fastest cashier they had. He has only ever worked with food. At the end, he got the job and I didn't. FML

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birthday boy - 14/06/2016 16:39

Today, I threw a birthday party. No one came, not even my parents who I live with. FML

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Anonymous - 14/06/2016 16:38 - United States - Spring Lake

Today, I found out my husband of 7 years has been cheating on me. We just closed on our first house. FML

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goddessofbooty - 14/06/2016 16:38 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I got out of bed early in the morning to use the bathroom. I didn't turn the light on, and I accidentally mistook my makeup removing wipes for baby wipes. It burns. FML

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youdontcontrolme - 14/06/2016 16:29 - United States - Laramie

Today, my parents were talking about my brothers and I meeting our biological parents, seeing as we're all adopted. After a bit of arguing over what to do, they decided my parents wouldn't want to meet me anyway. FML.

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LetUsMourn - 14/06/2016 15:43 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my father-in-law insists that the tragedy in Orlando was a conspiracy started by President Obama and the Muslim faith as a whole, and no amount of pleading from me will get him to shut up and be a decent human being while I mourn with my hometown. FML.

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That guy - 14/06/2016 15:41 - United States

Today, I farted at work and shit myself. I'm not even halfway through the day. FML

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KKD - 14/06/2016 15:24 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I got dumped because I put ketchup on my Kraft Dinner. FML

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Laurence - 14/06/2016 15:16 - United States - Boca Raton

Today, I was skinny dipping with my boyfriend. Everything was fine until my boyfriend screamed "insect guy!" I didn't get it until I turned around and saw the "insect guy" who takes care of our property. He saw both of us completely naked. The gate didn't even call to let us know he was coming. FML

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April - 14/06/2016 15:03 - United States - Modesto

Today,at my friends party, I was sitting with the cutest boy EVER! He was flirting with me and I was flirting with him for hours. Then he got a text and said,"Sorry my girlfriends waiting for me outside." FML

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FML - 14/06/2016 14:33 - Sweden - Ludvika

Today, after an extra long day of work. I came home to a sweet and loving text from my girlfriend. She told me that i was the most wonderful person she had ever met. In the end of that same text she dumped me. FML.

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Nhitori - 14/06/2016 13:32 - United States - North Andover

Today, I took the commuter rail. Usually it stops long enough at each town that I could walk slowly and the train still wouldn't depart till I was halfway down the road next to the tracks. Today, I walked quickly, and the train pulled away at my stop as I arrived at the door to get off. FML.

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Displeased - 14/06/2016 13:23 - Netherlands - Arnhem

Today, I discovered a guy I've been hanging with prefers sexting with me over having actual sex because he doesn't think I'm "all that" in bed and likes the fantasy of me better. FML

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HaventSlept - 14/06/2016 11:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, someone broke my car's window to steal the spare coins I always leave there as change. He probably took about $5 total, it is going to take about $250 to fix the window. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I checked in at a hotel, got the keys and went up to my room. However, there seemed to be a problem, so I went back to the front desk. “Excuse me, but there’s already someone in my room!” The reply I got was, “So, what’s the problem?” FML

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Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years tell his friend he was going to "pop the question." Ecstatic, I wore my nicest dress and got my hair done for dinner. Near the end, he leant in romantically and asked if we could start doing anal. So much for marriage. FML

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Today, at 11:30 p.m., after a 5-hour train journey to get back to Paris carrying a suitcase that’s 5 kg heavier than when I left, I decided to take a taxi. The driver yelled at me because the short journey to my place wasn’t worth his time, and told me to take the subway. Welcome to Paris. FML

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Today, I went to run an errand while my parents helped unpack boxes in my new house. When I returned, my dad said to me, "I wasn't going to say anything, but we 'did it.' I'll let you figure out which room." FML

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Today, I finally got my ass into gear and went to the DMV to renew my driver's license. I waited in line for over two hours, only to find out that I had brought my library card instead of my license. FML

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Today, the weather was so hot that I couldn't stop sweating profusely while using the restroom. Ever slipped off the toilet seat and hit the floor hard due to ass-sweat? Not a pleasant experience. FML

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