Your everyday life stories

jokerphreak - 11/06/2016 00:34 - United States - Antioch

Today, I purchased an app to retouch some photos. I needed the whitening tool. Not for my teeth mind you, just to get rid of the piss stains on various items from my sister's hell hound. FML

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Cold138 - 11/06/2016 00:05 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, as an avid manga reader, I decided to show my nephew the awesomeness of manga. He looked at me and asked me if I'm a nerd..... I'm 25 and he's 14. FML

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chickenhouse - 10/06/2016 23:48 - Australia - Strathfield

Today I masturbated again. It's been over a year since I've had sex. My wife and I have a 5 year old and a 7 month old. We were all set to have a bit of romance when the baby woke up and the 5 year woke up cried and vomited everywhere. Romantic mood over - FML.

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Archimedes - 10/06/2016 23:35 - Australia - Macgregor

Today, I finished writting my thesis. Today the computer shit it self, thus wiping ever file. Goodbye thesis. FML

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TravelingIsNotAlwaysGlamorous - 10/06/2016 23:34 - United States - Indianapolis

Today I flew home from a work trip to CA. For the first time in a long time, AA flights were on time & I didn't have to wait 30 minutes for my luggage. So happy! Go to valet, they LOST my keys! Waited over an hour. Boyfriend had to bring my spare key. They still don't know where my keys are. FML

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DiamondGirl18 - 10/06/2016 23:20 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my now ex fiancé admitted he cheated on me with our new neighbor. We just moved in 2 days ago. He doesn't get why I am leaving him. FML

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I'm ashamed - 10/06/2016 23:19 - United States - Orlando

Today, I realized how fat I am because I was eating pizza with potato chips on top for a nice "crunch". FML

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Anonymous - 10/06/2016 23:00 - Australia

Today, I went to hang out with friends on the soccer oval. As i got there i got hit in the face with a soccer ball knocking me unconscious. When i regained consciousness I was still in the same spot. Nobody had bothered to see if I was ok, and all my friends had left without me. FML

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Martha Singleton - 10/06/2016 22:49 - United States - Taylors

Today an older co-worker found out from another that I was single. He asked, "Mind me asking how old you are?" "Thirty-two," I answered."And you're so pretty....what a waste." FML

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zobijayo - 10/06/2016 22:34 - United States - Anderson

Today, my new wife and I are on our honeymoon cruise. To remember it we bought a "real" camera. She was taking pictures of everything the first day and filled up the memory card. So she went to transfer them onto her computer. She accidentally erased ALL of them and won't stop crying. FML

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Weaknis - 10/06/2016 22:30 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my girlfriend told me to take viagra so I could be harder and "go for longer." I'm 17... FML

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Anonymous - 10/06/2016 22:29 - United States - La Porte

Today, I learned my girlfriend has to stay in a mental hospital for the next month and my dad keeps telling me it's my fault she's crazy. FML

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DookieDanni - 10/06/2016 22:23 - United States - Gaffney

Today, I came down with a bad case of explosive diarrhea. After pooping, my mother went into the bathroom after me only to come out laughing as I apparently forgot to flush and she noticed I didn't wipe. Everyone at home now knows and I'm too embarrassed to admit it was so bad I had to use a towel.

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DiabolusIgnis - 10/06/2016 22:20 - Finland - Vantaa

Today, I went on a date. It started out all nice and well, until she said "I think I'm falling for this guy, X." I'm not X. We hadn't even ordered food yet. FML.

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SoNotOk - 10/06/2016 21:58 - United States - Medford

Today, I woke up to find mouse poop inside of my oven. Like, all the way down in the insulation around it. I rent, so I called my landlord. The maintanance man just sprayed foam insulation in a hole under a cabinet and told me I'll be fine. I just renewed my lease earlier this week. FML

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mother of two babies - 10/06/2016 21:52 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I'm in a near comatose state from the worst flu of my life but my man child husband thinks his tiredness trumps this when it comes to taking care of our toddler. He gets a sleep in, I get to struggle to stay awake enough to look after a screaming child. FML

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rookiebenuel - 10/06/2016 21:13 - United States

Today, while i was out of my office someone spilled my coffee. its ok though because my stack of papers and my mousepad kept any from gettin on the floor. FML

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DefinitelyNotTheMainCharacter - 10/06/2016 21:00 - United States - Henderson

Today, I auditioned for a play. It was going really well, until a paper fell out of my script, and slipped on it while I was singing a solo. All of my theatre buddies laughed, including my crush. FML

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bummedout - 10/06/2016 20:38 - United States - Aurora

Today, was my baby shower. After handing out tons of invites and everyone telling me they are coming I had 5 people show up. 4 of which put it together. fml

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horsenbuggy - 10/06/2016 19:57 - United States - Evanston

Today, I was supposed to be leaving for a relaxing week long vacation after a stressful quarter of teaching. Instead I had to cancel my trip because I discovered I have bed bugs. FML

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soccer1177 - 10/06/2016 19:41 - United States - Marion

Today, I actually received a compliment and it was through instagram (which I don't get from anybody other than family). It was from a girl I've had a crush on for two years. I then see a post from her apologizing to anybody who was tagged. She got hacked. FML

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maemismile - 10/06/2016 19:22 - United States - Trenton

Today, I found out that what I thought was 20 swipes a week into the dining hall at my university is actually 20 swipes for the entire summer. I only have 7 left. It's gonna be a long and hungry one. FML

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Ketchup :)) - 10/06/2016 09:32 - United States - Callahan

Today, I told my friend I needed to paint something depressing, she replied back with "how about your love life"? FML

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granovist - 10/06/2016 08:35 - Spain - Nerja

Today, My dad accidentally mixed sugar with ALL my remaining washing powder. What's worse? I drank two cups of coffee with it. FML.

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hellzangelz - 10/06/2016 08:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after asking my girlfriend on a date, she told me that we aren't actually a thing and simply went along with it as a joke. We've been dating for 3 months now. FML

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Erjoy_99 - 10/06/2016 04:49 - United States - Kellogg

Today my four year old nephew came out of the bathroom and my mom asked him what was in his hair, I saw and rubbed it and said, "it's just peanut butter." It definitely wasn't just peanut butter. FML

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WhyDoIEvenTry - 10/06/2016 04:45 - United States - Grayslake

Today, I was grading finals for school. I'm a high school physics teacher. For the final I decided to be nice and make it a true or false final (a or b on a scantron). Halfway through, I had to call one of the kids parents and explain how he got a 0%. He marked all his answers as C. FML

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Foreigner - 10/06/2016 02:37 - Japan - Tokyo

Today I was told by the doctor that the reason my leg wound kept getting bigger and never healed was that my skin flora was: "especially suitable for Propionibacterium". My leg wound never healed because of acne. FML

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happiestturtle - 10/06/2016 02:30 - United States - Chicago

Today, I had to ask an 8 year old to do my hair because I couldn't braid it myself. FML.

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inlovey - 10/06/2016 02:27 - United States - Lupton City

Today, I got mugged. As the guy who robbed me ran away I noticed he ran like a 5 year old girl. I got robbed by a little bitch. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was reading erotic literature and noticed several errors in syntax, resulting in my mood being killed. I was cockblocked by my need for grammatical correctness. FML

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Today, I have two options: 1. Use powder deodorant and don't have body odor for at least two days but get a rash, or 2. Use non powder deodorant without aluminium and not get a rash but get body odor the same day. FML

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Today, on his way out of our apartment, my roommate's friend reached over and grabbed a handful of my popcorn. I was only mildly annoyed, until a little later, when I pulled out from between my teeth what could only have been a pubic hair. FML

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Today, I woke up, took a shower, made some pasta, drank 3 glasses of water and brushed my teeth. I then left my apartment to see signs posted all over warning us not to use the water without boiling it because the water company just found E-coli in the water. FML

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Today, my girlfriend and I attempted some bondage for the first time. Within seconds of the handcuffs being put on, I went into a serious panic attack. I was playing the dominant; my girlfriend was the one in cuffs. FML

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Today, I had my hair done for the first time in 3 years. I loved it. My boyfriend told me I look like his ex. FML

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