Your everyday life stories

Anonymous - 08/07/2016 13:42 - United States - Tucson

Today, I learned there is a possibility that if you kill a horse fly, a hundred maggots will burst out of it like confetti all over your bed.

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taylagrace - 08/07/2016 13:22 - Australia - Armadale

Today, while rushing to get ready for an appointment, I put my shoes on, walked up the driveway, got in the Uber I had ordered and then realized that I'd forgotten to put my pants on. I then had to run back to the house to finish getting dressed and embarrassingly make my way back to the car. FML.

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PsychoHanyo - 08/07/2016 13:04 - United States - Clifton Park

Today, my siblings and I are planning our mother's funeral. Today I also found out my boyfriend is taking a girl he knows has a crush on him to Disney for a week for his birthday. Her words? "In August you can have me for a week". She knows about me and our son. Fml

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anon - 08/07/2016 00:11 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, my hamster died... with his face in the food bowl. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry. FML

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rightherewaiting - 07/07/2016 21:25 - United States - Auburndale

Today, my roommates staged an "intervention" during which they trashed my expensive coffeemaker due to their belief that 'drinking too much coffee is detrimental to your health.' These are people who down alcoholic beverages with every meal, and at all hours before and afterward. FML.

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naenae25 - 07/07/2016 20:00 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend a custom Apple Watch. Today, is also the day I found out she's sleeping with my best friend. FML

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abygalee - 07/07/2016 17:46 - United States - Akron

Today, after only an hour of sleep, my cat started stepping on my face, meowing at me, and then proceeded to knock several things off my end table. One of which was my phone, with my glasses on top. Needless to say, they are both done for. FML

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unluckybrooke - 07/07/2016 17:27 - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I waited till last minute to purchase my concert ticket to see if the prices went down the day of. They stayed the same, but when I pressed purchase, it bought 2 tickets instead of one doubling the cost. I was going to sell it to a guy who ended up being a no show. FML

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justsayinxp - 07/07/2016 17:21 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out that the girl I have a crush on is hiding from the cops. FML

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LilyLioness - 07/07/2016 17:21 - United States - Moscow

Today, my son wouldn't stop ripping items & price tags off of the shelves at the grocery store, no matter my parenting method... Until he picked up a quart of yogurt by the lid, while the bottom & contents fell all over the floor... At least now, the "remember the yogurt" method works. FML

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poopleg - 07/07/2016 17:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 2 year cousin went potty. She was so happy she ran out of the bathroom, naked, jumped onto me and shit on my leg. FML

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rhyspiecesno8 - 07/07/2016 17:14 - United States - New York

Today, I rode my bike to the high school to hang out with friends. I was the first one there. Right when I got there it started pouring and everyone didn't want to come because of the rain. Currently writing this from underneath the overhang of my local pool, which is next to the high school. FML.

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worldofpain - 07/07/2016 17:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got my period. This would be fine, except for the fact that tomorrow I get my wisdom teeth out. FML

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papiyespls - 07/07/2016 16:42 - United States - Naperville

Today, my boss asked me to do a special job. She asked me to clean out the mini fridge we have in the back room. After I emptied the fridge she asked me to fill it with the 5 bottles of wine she plans on drinking with my other coworkers on the way to the club after work. FML

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LowkeyLez95 - 07/07/2016 16:42 - United States

Today, I decided to finally sleep with this girl I e been talk to for a while . She ended up having a great orgasm, I just ended up having a painfully swollen clit since she been sucking on it for the past 30 mins . FML

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Punkpoptart1119 - 07/07/2016 16:38 - United States - Blairsville

Today, the long awaited Pokémon Go came out. I had been waiting for this for so long and I was so excited. Turns out, my outdated phone is too old to run the app. So I get to watch every one else play and post about it on Facebook while I can't play. FML.

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Anonymous - 07/07/2016 16:35 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my boyfriend and were getting frisky. He was going down on me and as he was going down I noticed a smile roach going towards my inner thigh. Let's just say my boyfriend ate it. FML

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The_big_red_dog - 07/07/2016 16:18 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after months of being out of work I've found a casual retail job, that I happen to enjoy. I was busy working when a creepy old man decided to grope me while his wife's back was turned. After initially growling at him, I had to reluctantly back down as I really need this job. FML

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failure - 07/07/2016 16:14 - United States - Waxhaw

Today, I handed in my Calc final. My professor said "are you sure you're done?" FML

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ListfulLily - 07/07/2016 16:08 - United States - Highland

Today, I aggravated the tendinitis in my wrists.. scrubbing my 5-year-old son's poo out of the carpet. FML

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Plantom - 07/07/2016 16:04 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my father once again explained to me about the people he doesn't want me liking. In the end, I realized he was describing me. FML

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not good - 07/07/2016 16:01 - United States - Bay City

Today, at work I felt the need to fart so I tried to ease it out. turned out I didn't need to fart. I now have to finish my work day commando.

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Anonymous - 07/07/2016 15:58 - United States

Today, at work, I sat in a puddle of pee. FML.

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Anonymous - 07/07/2016 15:45 - United States

Today, I realized just how clumsy I really am. While beginning to go to sleep, I dreamed that I tripped and I tripped on a blanket on my bed in real life. FML

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KneeJerker - 07/07/2016 15:40 - United States

Today, I think I broke a record. I may have been the first person to hurt myself playing Pokemon GO. I rolled my ankle while looking around, as it suggested to do, not at the ground. FML

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Ananymous - 07/07/2016 15:31 - United States - Mio

Today, I received a text in the middle of the night from my girlfriend. Apparently she can't stand being around me and is leaving me for someone else. Happy birthday to me. FML.

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Anonymous - 07/07/2016 15:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom made me drink some oatmeal because it was healthy. Turns out, she added the laxatives I was supposed to take. I haven't let the bathroom all day. FML

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bed bug blues - 07/07/2016 14:43 - United States - Brandon

Today, I found out my neighbor has bedbugs I let her in my apartment for a morning coffee. Now my new couch has them and I have welts all over

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Stingbrother - 07/07/2016 11:40 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was invited to share a meal with my flatmate. The next day I was given a detailed bill with the cost of each ingredient and the portion I owed. My flatmate is my brother. FML

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Not getting off - 07/07/2016 04:54 - United States - San Diego

Today, the hammock I was fucking in collapsed just as I was about to orgasm. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I asked my husband what he wanted for his birthday, hinting that he could have anything sexual, and he asked me to… take the kids and visit my mother over the weekend, so he could have 48 hours totally alone, naked, drinking beer, and playing his Xbox. FML

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Today, I received an email from the office of the apartment complex I moved into two months ago. Apparently, a woman a few apartments down from mine was murdered. Time to pack. FML

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Today, while sitting at my desk at work, a co-worker asked for my help. It was only after I had walked over to his desk, bent over, answered his question, and walked back to my stall, that I felt a breeze. My tube top had slid down across my breasts, revealing my bra to the entire office. FML

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Today, my ex told me he never wanted to talk to me again, because of how annoying I am. I’m still madly in love with him. FML

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Today, I woke up to dozens of messages from friends and family, all asking about a video of me saying something awful. It wasn’t me. It was AI. But try explaining that to my grandma. FML

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Today, I got dressed up for the first time in days to go have sushi with a friend. When I walked out to my car, I noticed that the passenger window was shattered and the car robbed. What's worse is I'd forgotten to lock the side doors anyway. FML

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