Accident

Bad start

Kathryn - 28/10/2021 07:59 - United States

Today, I was getting ready for school and stepped out on my porch to go wait for the bus. I literally said out loud, “Today is gonna be a good day.” I took one step and fell all the way down the stairs. FML

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Felt cute, might delete myself later

being a fairy is hard - 28/10/2021 08:00

Today, my daughter lost a tooth. I wanted to make the Tooth Fairy experience extra special, so I dipped her doll's feet in paint to leave “tracks” from the window to her bed. As I was adding the finishing touches and spreading glitter, I tripped on a toy, faceplanted and lost my own tooth. FML

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Ohhh, wham bam thank you ma'am

gagus123 - 28/10/2021 02:00 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I accidentally left the handbrake off in my car, got out, locked it, and started walking away. Then I heard a loud noise and looked over my shoulder and the car was gone. Of course, it hit the only other car parked in the street. FML

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Can't let the big man upstairs wait

Sirsriracha - 21/10/2021 14:01

Today, I posted bail for my mom from jail. She did a hit and run, and then resisted arrest. When I asked why she didn’t stay at the scene, she unapologetically said, “I was gonna be late to church.” FML

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I'm parked here!

Anonymous - 13/10/2021 17:00

Today, they've been building a house next door. I went to wash and wax my car, and I was back home for only 10 minutes before a Bobcat digger backed into it. FML

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The planets made me do it

c…… - 12/10/2021 08:00

Today, my sister wrecked my car, then blamed it on, "Mercury being in retrograde." FML

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Work anxiety

Anonymous - 08/10/2021 08:00

Today, I got hit by a car walking to work. My first thought wasn't to call 911 or my husband, but to call work to let them know I wouldn't be able to make it in for my shift. FML

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Pay up

Anonymous - 20/09/2021 01:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I tripped and hit my head on a rock, perforating my eardrum. That rock also broke. It was a €3000 headstone I now have to pay for. FML

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Losing my bearings

Anonymous - 12/09/2021 08:00 - United States - Folsom

Today, I walked into a wall. I've lived in this house for nearly thirteen years, but I walked straight into it. FML

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I want to ride my bicycle

Anonymous - 06/09/2021 17:01

Today, I went to the drugstore on my bike. The chain came off, the pedal punctured the top of my foot and I was bleeding a lot. To add insult to injury, the ATM inside was broken. I got gauze instead of the cash I came for. FML

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Roofed

Anonymous - 29/08/2021 11:01

Today, a tile slid off the roof and knocked me out as I was fetching my mail. Apparently, I lay there for a while with the wind blowing my dressing gown up, flashing my bare ass to the neighbourhood. People took pictures, but no one thought to check I was alive, not even my kids. FML

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Psycho

Anonymous - 15/08/2021 20:01

Today, I'd never quite realised how nasty my girlfriend was until she hit a kid on a zebra crossing and was more upset that her bumper was dented than the fact an 8 year-old had a broken leg. She was still blaming the kid and demanding his parents pay the damage as he was being put in the ambulance. FML

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Take your time

Kitty - 08/08/2021 09:59 - United States - Johnston

Today, thinking I could carry it all, I stubbornly brought a load of food in with both hands. The glass jar of nacho cheese smashed on my radiator, and I had to use a toothbrush to clean between the cracks. FML

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Pranks are terrible

Anonymous - 05/08/2021 23:01 - United States - Humble

Today, my sister threw my water bottle as a joke. When I stepped off the bleachers, my right foot lost its footing and my other foot followed. Now I have two sprained ankles at the same time. FML

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That's gonna cost ya!

Anonymous - 04/08/2021 15:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I accidentally stepped on the metal prongs of an extension cord. After pulling it out of my sock, I noticed that all three of the prongs were covered in blood; they penetrated my foot. It bled like a gunshot wound for several minutes, and now my foot is unbearably sore, making it painful to walk. FML

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Down!

Imnotfromhere - 23/07/2021 22:01

Today, I tripped over a dog and broke my elbow. I'm stuck dogsitting for the rest of the weekend and he won't stop jumping up at my broken arm. FML

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Remember when conspiracy theories were fun?

ET. - - United States

Today, my wife is totally convinced that she was abducted by aliens last night, all because she fell out of bed. FML

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Like tears in rain

anabanannailoveu - 17/07/2021 07:59

Today, while I was on a walk, I saw my boyfriend; since it was raining, I thought it would be romantic to run up to him and kiss him. I ended up breaking his arm because I knocked him over. FML

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Cocobananas

Anonymous - 13/07/2021 02:01

Today, I found a banana peel on the clean floor. My 4-year-old son said that he was playing Spider-Man and trying to slip. I picked it up and while walking to the kitchen garbage can, slipped on the actual banana. I slid across the kitchen floor, fell, and bruised my tailbone. He laughed. FML

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Public Freakout

Anonymous - 06/07/2021 15:01 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, my partner was driving. We were coming up to a sharp bend up a hill when suddenly a girl and a boy came speeding down the hill on a scooter. My partner stopped well before, but they fell off the kerb. We got out to check they were OK. The girl blamed us and kicked me in the balls. FML

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Sprain in the ass

Anonymous - 04/07/2021 16:02

Today, after two months of recovering from a sprained ankle, the doctor told me I was fully healed. On the way to my car from the doctor's, I stepped on some leaves, which were covering a small hole. A hole big enough for me to trip on and give me another sprained ankle. FML

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Jaywalking?

Anonymous - 03/07/2021 16:01

Today, while walking on the sidewalk, I was hit by a daycare van. After going to the police to complain, I was given a ticket. FML

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Falling down

Anonymous - 28/06/2021 00:01

Today, I was doing laundry. I went to go grab a couple of detergent pods. Forgetting that I'm 5'3 and the pods are above the industrial-sized washer, I reached for them and fell backwards into a hole where the water from the washer goes. My left leg got soaked in dirt water. FML

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I want to ride my bicycle

Anonymous - 27/06/2021 14:02

Today, I decided to ride my bike for the first time in over a year. It was seemingly going well, until I got to the first hill. As I began to ascend, I was trying a bit to hard and shit my pants, 8 kilometers away from my house. FML

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Falling down

Ouch - 26/06/2021 11:01 - Serbia

Today, I learned how it feels like when you fall off a second floor balcony with mom's flower pot, landing on your back. My mom got pissed because of her beloved flowers, and gave me a lecture while I rolled on the ground in pain. FML

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Free healthcare for all

Vickie - 18/06/2021 16:00

Today, while mopping the kitchen, I ended up slipping and and knocked over the table that had my mom’s iPad on it. The screen shattered; I sprained my wrist. I asked my mom to take me to the ER. She called me "selfish" because her iPad screen repair would "cost more." FML

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One-handed typing

Justin Parker - 17/06/2021 04:00

Today, I was changing a flat tire on my car when it fell off the jack and crushed my hand. After ripping my hand free and waiting 2 hours for AAA, I get to go find out if my hand is broken. FML

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Heavy phone, dude

Burton - 12/06/2021 20:00

Today, I'm in the E.R. because I broke one of my toes when my cellphone slipped from my hands after taking a shower. Needless to say, my cellphone broke too. FML

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Heavy sandwich, man

Anonymous - 07/06/2021 22:01

Today, I was sitting on park bench eating a sandwich when suddenly the bench broke and I fell and broke my arm. FML

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Third party

Can’t win - 29/05/2021 08:33

Today, while I was visiting my grandfather's grave, a car drove past and hit my car. The damage wouldn’t have been so bad had it not been the same car my grandfather gave me before he died. FML

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Lee Marsh

Lee Marsh 2

Saturday 29 May 2021 3:29

Op here. Nope it’s a 2003 Nissan Altima. It was his last car he drove. It has sentimental value and he took excellent care of it. It’s not valuable, but having a piece of something that meant so much to him makes it priceless to me.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I had to temporarily remove the drain pipe under the sink. I absentmindedly poured the stinky water from the trap into the now drainless sink, and flooded the cupboard I was working in with it. FML

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Today, I was in class, playing online poker and keeping up my winning record. I eventually got seated against a guy who beat me at every hand. I heard laughing behind me after I lost all my winnings. The guy behind me had just made an account, looked over my shoulder, and won all my money. FML

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Today, my crush asked to speak with me in private. He took me to a secluded area and asked if my best friend was interested in him. FML

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Today, I was getting my picture taken. The woman taking it told me to smile, so I did, showing my teeth. She said, "Please, be serious about this." Slightly offended, I smiled with my mouth closed. She then said, "If you can't be serious, we won't do this." FML

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Today, I learned I'm not allergic to gluten. My mom has kept me on a gluten-free diet since I was 5. She was convinced I was allergic to it. I'm 25 and I am writing this over my first slice of pizza in 20 years. FML

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Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML

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