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    Help wanted

    What do I do? - 17/01/2026 09:00

    Today, my husband dropped a bombshell when he served me divorce papers and a set of tests proving that our sons (7 and 9 years-old) are not his. I'm alone at home, scared shitless, and my poor kids don't understand where their dad is. I can't take them to their bio dad, since he died four years ago. FML
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    Competitive

    Anonymous - 20/01/2026 22:00

    Today, my husband has such a fragile ego that he secretly visited an escape room five times in the two months before 15 of us went as a group, all so that he would know all the answers in advance and impress everyone. He’d have managed it too, except he paid with our credit card. FML
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    It's not what you think

    Shopper - - United States

    Today, I was shopping with a friend. We snuck into the same fitting room so we could give our opinions on each other's clothes. The suspicious saleswoman knocked on the door and asked how many people were in our room. I quickly answered, "It's OK. She's just watching." FML
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    Snide

    lilsis - - Australia

    Today, my sister asked me if any of my family members had commented on my recent weight gain. I told her, "No, not really." Her reply? "They must just being saying it behind your back then." FML
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    Where everybody knows your name…

    Anonymous - 28/01/2025 02:00 - United States

    Today, I walked into a coffee shop where I always flirt with the cute barista who I think likes me, and confidently told her I'd have "the usual." She just stared at me blankly and said, "I have literally never seen you before in my life." FML
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    No plan B

    Marie - 07/02/2025 18:00 - United States - Sterling Heights

    Today, my phone randomly stopped working and I have three phone interviews. FML
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    "Your text here"

    Rerere - 24/02/2025 03:00 - Australia

    Today, I gave my friend what I thought was the perfect birthday gift, a personalized mug with her favourite quote. When she opened it, she looked confused so I explained. Then she said, "I’ve never ever said that." I realized I'd printed a quote from a completely different friend. I awkwardly told her, “Well, now you have something new to say!" FML
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    Unboyfriendable

    Emotional Damage - 25/02/2025 15:00 - United States

    Today, my little cousin, who just got a boyfriend, found out I've been single my whole life. She asked, "Is it because you're really ugly and awkward?" Yes. Yes, it is. FML
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    Sticky

    Anonymous - 01/03/2025 12:00 - United States

    Today, I thought I was clever for doing my laundry while multitasking and making dinner. When I went to transfer my clothes from the washer to the dryer, I discovered that I'd accidentally washed a pack of gum that was in my pocket. The gum had melted into my favorite shirt, and I now have a sticky mess to deal with. FML
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    Renewed energy

    Anonymous - 06/03/2025 14:00 - Canada - Toronto

    Today, my wife has quit smoking weed. Now she can stay up all night, whereas before she fell asleep around 9 almost every night, so now I get absolutely no time to myself. FML
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    How are people still doing this?

    Anonymous - 08/03/2025 15:00 - Canada - Windsor

    Today, I texted my friend to ask if she wanted to grab lunch. She didn't respond, so I followed up with, "You alive? Or just avoiding me?" An hour later, I realized I'd texted my boss. He replied with a very professional, "I’m alive, thank you for asking. Lunch is a bit early for me today." FML
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    Stepdad woes

    Djdjfj - 22/03/2025 14:00 - United States

    Today, I reminded my fiancee's kid to put the toilet seat up when he pees. My fiancée heard and shrieked at me to stop being controlling and weird. Yesterday, she threw a tantrum because there was piss on the toilet seat. I can't win. FML
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    There was an attempt…

    Anonymous - 26/03/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom - Newcastle

    Today, I tried to flirt with a guy at the gym by commenting on his headphones, saying, “Nice headphones, you must be into music.” He stared at me blankly and said, “I’m not wearing any headphones, these are just my ears.” I swear I heard him laugh as I backed away, defeated. FML
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    Stir crazy

    Anonymous - 03/04/2025 18:00 - United States - Anaheim

    Today, even if I clean the whole house, my husband refuses to wash dishes if I cook, as I “use too many”, because when he cooks he only uses one pot. His “cooking” is dumping all the week's leftovers into a pot and calling it “stir fry.” It’s disgusting and he’s the only one that eats it. FML
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    Are you winning?

    Anonymous - 07/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Akron

    Today, I bought grapes. Just grapes. At the checkout, the total was $14. I laughed. The cashier didn’t. Now I'll be eating one grape a day like it's caviar. FML
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    Truth bomb

    Hoo boy - 09/04/2025 03:00 - United States - New York

    Today, my wife was snoring in my ear. I nudged her, and she rolled over and started talking in her sleep. I listened, because it was funny, until I heard, quite clearly, "My husband is a dumbass, he's got no idea." No idea of what, exactly? FML
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    Gentrification

    Broke boy - 16/04/2025 12:00 - United States

    Today, after I got a second job to help cover rent, my landlord just raised it anyway “because the neighborhood is up-and-coming.” There’s still a pothole the size of a kiddie pool in front of my building. FML
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    Oh well…

    Bobert - 27/04/2025 04:00 - Romania

    Today, I was out of town on a work trip. I'd fought with my wife before leaving, and I felt bad, so I called her and poured my heart out, telling her how much I loved her. She sighed and said, "Okay, anyway…" and complained about bills and chores for ten minutes, then wouldn't say she loved me. FML
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    Leaking from everywhere

    Anonymous - 28/04/2025 15:00 - United States

    Today, I woke up bleeding from every orifice in my body. I've got a nose bleed from my medication, my gums bled when I brushed my teeth, I'm on my period, and I have hemorrhoids. FML
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    Probably not

    Michael tee - - United States

    Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML
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    Just not with me

    NotMeFML - 07/05/2025 14:00 - United States - Miami

    Today, I found out that the girl I went on a date with, and refused to sleep with me because she, “doesn’t have sex on the first date” had no qualms about sleeping with my buddy on his first date with her. FML
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    You seem delighted

    Anonymous - 16/05/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, my mom walked into my room without knocking to have a whole conversation about some distant relative's birthday in 3 months time. The whole time I had my bullet vibe still up inside me, so I had to talk to my mom while trying not to react to having an orgasm in front of her. FML
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    Not happening

    Kape pa tayo! - 18/05/2025 21:00 - Philippines - Makati City

    Today, my mom shoved a document for me to sign. It's pretty much my will, leaving everything to her boyfriend/fiancé's 11 year-old son, who is a bratty hell spawn of Satan. Before I could say anything, she said not to bother leaving anything to my adopted daughter, because she said if I die, she's going with me. FML
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    Such a rush

    Anonymous - 20/05/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom - Loughborough

    Today, at the park, I saw my toddler fall. I rushed over, picked him up, and said, “It’s OK, Mum’s here.” He looked confused. So did his real mum. I had mistakenly grabbed a random child instead of my own in front of everyone. They weren't even wearing similar clothes. FML
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    Hotly debated topic

    Office Space 2025 - 23/05/2025 22:00 - United States - Seattle

    Today, my coworker and I debated whether 100 average dudes could take down one gorilla. He said, "Only if 30 of us are willing to die." I disagreed, so we started working it out, using a whiteboard to do the math… which we forgot to wipe before the next meeting. HR now has us on a watchlist. FML
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    Perfectionist

    Carlweezer5296 - 30/05/2025 17:00 - United States

    Today, I was working on a middle school project that needed to be at a 900 percent or above, this being my math level. I take a 8th grade algebra class so I needed mine to well be a 900, and after months of working I'd got it there. I got one answer wrong and it sent me to 860, where I’ve been for the last 12 hours. FML
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    Are the straights OK?

    Nurse ratchet - 01/06/2025 11:00 - United States

    Today, my fiance lost his shit when I told him that I’ve decided to go to nursing school. He claims that all nurses are cheating whores and that if I become one we’re through. His source? The troglodytes that thrive in the bowels of the internet. All because one guy got his heart broken by a nurse. FML
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    Get on with it

    Not PMS, she's just a mega bitch - 08/06/2025 13:00 - United States

    Today, at my son's soccer game, I tried to give him a bottle of Gatorade, but the top was damp with condensation and I couldn't get a grip. I wiped it dry and tried again, successfully this time. No big deal, except my wife was watching and screamed, "IT SHOULDN'T TAKE THAT LONG!" Everyone stopped and stared. FML
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    Blackout

    itsgonnabealongnight... - - United States

    Today, I was at my grandparents' house, when the power went out. Even though we were supplied with candles and flashlights, we still had to stumble around in the darkness. They'd left both the candles and flashlights in the pitch black, unnavigable basement. FML
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    Which show is it?

    Not Riverdale - 26/06/2025 15:00 - United States

    Today, I spoiled a TV show I've seen that a friend has started binge-watching by saying, “Episode 7 really did my head in.” His face turned from excitement to annoyance, and has vowed revenge, saying, "Great, I'm going to be anticipating episode 7 for the next few hours thanks to you, stop talking to me." FML
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    FMyLife FMyLife
    FMyLife FMyLife
    Today, I had my six month employee review. My manager said that my attendance was good, and I was exceeding my targets performance wise. My reward, a five cent per hour pay cut. Apparently the rate at which I started is too high to meet their current pay scale. FML
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    Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
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    Today, I was preparing to perform with my marching band at a competition. Right before we went on, a tuba player friend of mine offered to help me stretch. He wound up snapping my bra. I'm a drum major, and had to conduct the entire show while my boobs were falling out. FML
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    Today, my cockgoblin of an ex showed up at my house, begging me to take him back. This guy, with his friends' help, faked being kidnapped just so he could use the "trauma" to guilt me into sleeping with him after he "escaped". When he finally left, he yelled that I'm a selfish bitch. FML
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    Today, we had a get together for work at a restaurant I've never heard of. After spending all week trying to make a good impression on my new boss and co-workers, I showed up in a pair of shorts and a Star Wars T-Shirt. Turns out it was one of the fanciest restaurants in town. FML
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    Today, I got stuck with a water-damaged kitchen. The manufacturer says their warranty doesn't cover it as it's a user error, my insurance says they don't cover it as it's a manufacturer error. FML
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    © VDM SAS,

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