The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 20/10/2018 13:30

Today, my first day at my new job, a guy decided to pay all his parking fines in one go. All £2300 of them. Yes, he did decide to pay it in pennies. Wheelbarrows and buckets full of pennies. That's 230,000 pennies. Guess whose job it was to count them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 365

You deserved it 405

By Hobbits&LiarsOhMy! - 24/04/2017 18:06 - United States - Nacogdoches

Today, I finally met the cute guy that I've been talking to for the last 3 weeks. Turns out "5'8"" was a really big exaggeration for "5"3' in boots'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 917

You deserved it 1 432

SunDown2015 tells us more.

SunDown2015 26

Saturday 22 April 2017 7:31

I'm the OP. So, let's be clear: I'm "5'6" and height isn't a big deal for me. What was important to me was that he lied. He also showed up to our meeting stoned off his ass, and then proceeded to throw a muddy basketball at me (which got all over my new shirt). Definitely not Prince Charming. I got out of there ASAP! I guess online dating just isn't my cup of tea. Thanks for the FML though! :)

We meet again

By Anonymous - 15/05/2017 20:00

Today, the person who bullied me throughout my childhood eventually resulting in me going to therapy and switching schools became my boss. On top of that, he refers to me by the insulting nickname he called me during childhood. It's good to see that growing up hasn't changed him at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 161

You deserved it 426

By chillnhill - 11/09/2015 02:31 - United States - Shippensburg

Today, my wife is unreasonably mad at me for telling our kids to call toilet paper, "Butt Floss". FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 766

You deserved it 24 651

chillnhill tells us more.

chillnhill 24

Saturday 12 September 2015 14:53

OP here, many thanks to those that saw the humor in this! For those that think "YDI", you should know that this happened a VERY long time ago and my kids have all grown up to be successful adults with rich fulfilling lives...

Psssssych!

By Welcome to Florida - 20/07/2017 13:01

Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 365

You deserved it 548

Delicious

By drchinky888 - 18/09/2016 17:10

Today, I was having dinner at my aunt's house who just migrated to Germany from India and doesn't know any German. I asked for the recipe of a dish and she said that she has been buying these cans with cute kitty picture and just adds spices to it. Cat food is delicious I must admit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 384

You deserved it 1 012

By TCRII - 12/10/2017 04:30 - United States - Springfield

Today, my wife and I agreed to get two horses. She got three horses and a pregnant goat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 425

You deserved it 656

Don't worry dad

By Anonymous - 02/02/2020 18:00

Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 284

You deserved it 521

Sharing is caring

By Can't Unsee - 25/08/2018 22:00

Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 234

You deserved it 597

By Anonymous - 10/03/2017 14:00 - United States - Voorheesville

Today, my son's obsession with memes hit a new low when he got suspended from school for running into other students yelling, "Allahu akbar." He's 15 and doesn't understand why he got in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 572

You deserved it 904

By cookyourowndamndinner - 16/04/2017 20:00 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, my roommates sat me down and said we need to have a serious chat. I was worried, until they asked me if I could quit my new night job. When I asked why, they said it was because I wasn't home anymore to cook them dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 097

You deserved it 471

By patate - 21/09/2017 21:02

Today, I started my new job as a UPS delivery guy. I successfully delivered only 3 out of the 25 packages: One to my ex and his new boyfriend, one to an elderly lady who pissed herself because I "rang the bell too loud" and one to a little girl who screamed, "Stranger danger!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 713

You deserved it 434

patate_fml tells us more.

patate_fml 6

Thursday 21 September 2017 18:41

For everyone wondering, I work in a tiny ass town in France where we don't have much delivery to make compare to others and I had the smallest car of the fleet that day I had 3 rounds of 25-30 medium packages to deliver all of them with a mandatory signature. Nobody was home even though I was in time for each and everyone of them. Only this first round was Horrible the rest of the day (and the week) went more smoothly

Hi there little guy

By NotAGoodDay - 10/08/2016 18:57 - United Kingdom - Sudbury

Today, I had severe constipation. I went to get some more laxatives when I felt something fall onto the top of my head. I reached up to see what it was and it turned out to be quite a large spider. Guess who isn't constipated anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 674

You deserved it 1 140

Just ignore it!

By nothing like tasty asshole - 26/11/2019 01:00 - United States - Shelbyville

Today, trying to be nice, I sent a text to my mother-in-law saying that I couldn't wait to have her delicious casserole tonight. Only after sending, I realized that "casserole" had auto corrected to "asshole". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 865

You deserved it 609

By LittleFriend - 30/11/2017 06:00

Today, I was told I will receive no Christmas or birthday presents for the next 3 years because my parents paid for my rhinoplasty. I needed it because my 12-year-old brother smashed my nose with a hammer in a fit of rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 006

You deserved it 296

Denial

By Lady Bloodshart of the Redwater - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Arlington

Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 135

You deserved it 1 087

By GeeThanksMom - 25/02/2018 15:00

Today, I’m having knee surgery. I can’t drive for the next week because of the heavy duty pain killers, so my mom told me I'll have to walk to and from school. It’s only a couple of miles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 707

You deserved it 227

Aaand blocked.

By wtf fml - 21/03/2018 01:30 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was mourning the recent loss of a close family member. My ex's idea of comforting me was to ask if he could come over so I could “give him some bomb ass head” to take my mind off things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 452

You deserved it 515

By Anonymous - 30/05/2018 15:00

Today, my wife informed me that she wants a boyfriend but doesn't want a divorce. Also, apparently I'm horrible for not "respecting her feelings" when I told her she can't have both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 778

You deserved it 328

By toto13660 - 29/06/2016 20:10

Today, at the beach, a seagull conveyed its opinion of my cigarette by taking a dump on it, putting it out. Seems they have anti-tobacco sniper seagulls now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 372

You deserved it 13 165

Icona Pop, I assume

By ugh - 23/01/2016 20:48 - United States - Agoura Hills

Today, I crashed my car into a bridge, while playing a song with the line, "I crashed my car into a bridge". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 789

You deserved it 5 873

FML Uncensored

By Nightmares - 07/08/2012 02:00 - United States

Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed and triumphantly sat down, enjoying my victory, until I noticed why they were empty. I had just sat down next to a guy vigorously trying to fellate himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 767

You deserved it 8 340

By Anonymous - 27/11/2015 06:42 - France - Cateri

Today, I had a boyfriend who wanted to wait until marriage before having sex. When I came home, I realised he must have married my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 605

You deserved it 2 204

By Nintendon't - 24/03/2017 12:19

Today, after a guided meditation class, our instructor asked us all to name the thing we are most thankful for. My fiancé, completely serious, answered, "Nintendo." When the teacher looked at him, slightly incredulously, he changed his answer to, "Our dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 642

You deserved it 609

CaptainShalliwaffle tells us more.

CaptainShalliwaffle 3

Friday 24 March 2017 10:45

Op here! In all honesty, it just made me laugh. I'm very secure in my relationship with him, and Nintendo and our dog are both pretty damn awesome. The instructor was less amused. I think my answer was probably equally annoying to her, however.

By damaged - 04/11/2015 03:24 - United States - La Verne

Today, I drove in heavy rain for the first time, by myself. I had been told to drive below the speed limit, and be extra careful of the cars around me. Nobody had told me about thunder scaring a cow that would then escape from the corral and hit my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 756

You deserved it 1 812