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OP here - can't believe this got published?! I immediately phoned my ISP once I'd figured out what happened - I couldn't reconnect the line myself as I can't access the exchange box (and plus I wouldn't trust myself to be fiddling around in there anyway), and my internet has been restored. As for compensation, I should be getting a portion of my bill back as it took them so long to send an engineer out. Thanks everyone!

Fashion Week

By NotAGoodStart - 07/03/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I went on a blind date, meeting up in a park. I got there first and sat down to wait for him. After a while, a guy sat down next to me. I wasn't sure if it was him, so I texted him, asking if he'd arrived. His response was, "I'm already here, sat to the left of the old woman dressed like a gypsy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 201

You deserved it 381

Whut?

By what did you say? - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I went for a job interview. The woman interviewing me had such a thick accent that I had to keep asking her to repeat herself. She got so frustrated that she ended the interview super early. I don't think I got the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 964

You deserved it 1 284

By black and yellow - 21/01/2013 06:32 - United States - Salinas

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 807

You deserved it 45 774

By PsychoSarah - 06/04/2011 23:57 - United States

Today, I got fired from my job. I caught a customer taking pictures up my skirt, and my boss fired me for calling the police and "making a big deal out of it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 711

You deserved it 7 262

It's a witch!

By umm... - 30/03/2020 23:00 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 844

You deserved it 358

By -1 Pair of Pants - 30/05/2016 19:49 - United States - Westborough

Today, I leaned over to pick something up and heard a loud "pop" from my waistline, followed by a "clink" on the other side of the room. My pants button had popped off my pants. Time to lose some weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 772

You deserved it 2 705

By bruised - 19/05/2016 20:54 - Australia - Sydney

Today, while playing hockey, one of my teammates decided to swing her hockey stick like a golf club. She missed the ball, but managed to hit me right in the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 341

You deserved it 1 247

I want Jesus to come inside my heart

By Weirdo - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 955

You deserved it 40 917

By Tooth Fairy - 25/05/2018 23:00 - United States - Hays

Today, I broke a tooth. It’s Friday. Not a single dentist office is open. The good news? I might lose those last few pounds as I can’t drink or eat without excruciating pain. Needless to say, it’s going to be a long weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 709

You deserved it 279

Stranger danger!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 712

You deserved it 52 219

By Anonymous - 03/07/2018 15:00

Today, I was verbally harassed by a customer because I wouldn’t give her special treatment after her meal was incorrect. I offered her a refund and a coupon for a free meal, which she refused before calling me a stupid kid who wouldn’t do anything to help her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 634

You deserved it 238

By filipkm - 06/05/2016 14:37 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I heard on television that a body was found in my city's water reservoir. Word is that it was dead for over a week. I've been drinking and showering with that water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 520

You deserved it 2 806

By Anonymous - 24/07/2018 20:36

Today, I worked security by myself in an office, which meant I had to eat at the desk and wasn't allowed to leave. I got written up for my husband dropping off my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 729

You deserved it 378

By Anon - 28/04/2016 20:27 - United States - Henderson

Today, I went on a first date with my crush. Turns out we only have one thing in common: we would both bang Hillary Clinton. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 202

You deserved it 4 641

Time to go wireless

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, while trying to open the packaging to my new headphones, I got startled by my cat suddenly meowing, and cut through the headphone wire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 368

You deserved it 3 493

By behold the Underminer - 14/08/2018 13:00

Today, the water company found that a water main has been leaking steadily possibly for decades and has turned the land my house is built on into an underground bog. Cracks have been appearing in my walls for a while, apparently because my house is slowly sinking into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 784

You deserved it 151

By crazycatlady1890 - 27/08/2018 21:46

Today, my future mother-in-law sent a nasty email to my mother, an angry phone call to my fiancé, and threatened to boycott his graduation and the wedding. Why? I didn't respond immediately to her emails about card boxes for the wedding. Card boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 720

You deserved it 243

crazycatlady1890 tells us more.

crazycatlady1890 10

Monday 27 August 2018 1:30

OP here... thanks for the comments! My fiancé did essentially tell her to shove it. She did apologize (after missing his masters graduation), and he still hasn’t quite forgiven her. As for what this means for the future... luckily, my fiancé is NOT a mamas boy in the least, and is happy seeing her once or twice a year. He, my mother, and I have a bet going on what sets her off next. Personally, my money is on the day she realizes we aren’t giving her grandkids.