The Top

It was a Greyhound, and I'd been up for 2 days. He didn't say a word to me about it. After I was told by the lady behind me, I apologized profusely, and he said "it's alright. I figured you must really need the sleep." Super nice guy, but I wanted to die.

Mamma bird

By Gribby - 27/06/2013 23:56 - United States - Branson

Today, I was accused of shooting up drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tucked into my arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 616

You deserved it 8 812

By Anonymous - 28/10/2015 15:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was supposed to start my vacation in Italy. I guess not everyone heard that I canceled it due to health problems, because this morning I caught two of my "friends" unplugging my TV after breaking into my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 098

You deserved it 1 746

Bigmouth Strikes Again

By Username - 25/10/2010 11:03 - France

Today, it was my first day as a mailman. One of the houses got a bunch of cards, and the owner coincidentally opened the door as I arrived. So I said to the owner that someone in the house must really be popular. He replied, "She died this Tuesday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 325

You deserved it 6 636

By smh - 15/07/2014 20:11 - United States

Today, my mom and dad played rock, paper, scissors over who gets to spend the night with me in the hospital tonight while I have surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 043

You deserved it 4 301

By immovingout - 04/05/2013 17:46 - United States - Huntington Station

Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 160

You deserved it 4 746

Doughboy

By phatkroger10 - 10/04/2009 00:16 - United States

Today, I was selling cookie dough for a fundraiser at an old folks home. One lady ordered a box and told me that she loved cookie dough. I told her it'd be here in four weeks, she said, "Oh I can't wait!" Not really thinking, as I left I said, "I hope you can make it till then!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 115

You deserved it 66 820

By Anonymous - 04/03/2013 22:24 - United States

Today, my coach held a BBQ for the whole team. He told us to eat up, because we wouldn't be working out today. He lied. After eating the equivalent of a Thanksgiving dinner, we had to do team relays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 422

You deserved it 4 866

By ditsy - 15/07/2010 09:17 - United States

Today, I was on webcam for the first time with a guy I've been texting for a while. Trying to show off my guitar skills, I lean down to pick it up and fell on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 786

You deserved it 28 118

By promdump - 07/03/2009 02:55 - United States

Today, I went to visit my Grandmother, accidentally leaving my phone home during the weekend. When I got back I had 2 texts from my crush. One saying "I want to take the most beautiful girl to prom, go with me?" and the other saying, "Fine fattie, I'll ask someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 478

You deserved it 7 771

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 16:17 - Philippines - Makati

Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 411

You deserved it 3 368

By parisklutz - 20/10/2012 07:06 - France - Dounoux

Today, it was my first day in Paris. I've been saving up for five years. It was a rainy day, but I was determined to go see the Eiffel Tower. On my way, I fell down a slippery set of stairs and knocked both of my front teeth out. Now, I have the view of the Eiffel Tower from my hospital window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 523

You deserved it 3 290

By Craigslist is Evil. - 24/09/2013 18:12 - United States - Dickson

Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 351

You deserved it 5 485

Hey good lookin'

By Creepster - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I almost crashed my car because I was checking out an Old Navy mannequin wearing a bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 647

You deserved it 51 546

By yolonono - 04/12/2014 18:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was on a field trip with my son, my husband decided to get rid of our dog without asking anyone. Now I get to pick up the pieces of a broken heart, and he thinks he did nothing wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 929

You deserved it 3 027

By race - 18/11/2010 08:37 - Australia

Today, I was in a meeting and someone behind me sneezed really loudly. As they were doing so, I felt something cold land on my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 692

You deserved it 2 681

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 14:00 - Japan

Today, my friend and I dressed up as dice for Halloween. The rest of the night consisted of us, harassed by drunks asking, 'Can we roll you around?' and constantly being shaken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 401

You deserved it 32 954

By bluebelle - 19/10/2015 11:10 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend brought me a bunny for a house present for moving into our first house. She escaped her cage and bit through the electrical wires, cutting out all our power and electrocuting and killing herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 995

You deserved it 2 817

By Anonymous - 14/10/2010 08:19 - United States

Today, I found out that the blind man I've been helping for months at the grocery store by carrying his shopping around and stuff was actually faking his blindness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 102

You deserved it 3 771

By Anonymous - 03/10/2015 20:45 - United States - Fair Haven

Today, we had a school reunion. The guy who bullied me throughout my high school career is now rich and married. I'm broke and single, and he specifically came up to me to point it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 089

You deserved it 2 247

Wakey wakey

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, I woke up to my dad emptying a water bottle on my head, because I needed to "get up for school" or I'd be late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 249

You deserved it 25 267

By kobolobo - 11/08/2015 16:45 - United States - Redmond

Today, my mom meant to send a picture of her poop to my aunt, but sent it to my swim coach instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 510

You deserved it 2 134

kobolobo tells us more.

kobolobo 16

Wednesday 12 August 2015 9:35

My coach just sent back question marks. I'm pretty sure I'm more embarrassed than my mom.

By Anonymous - 03/03/2013 05:15 - United States - Hayward

Today, due to plumbing issues, I had to choose between a goosebump-inducing cold or skin-blistering hot shower. This is the 7th day in a row. My husband says it shouldn't be more than another week before he "gets it figured out". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 613

You deserved it 3 170

By Jrex89 - 02/06/2015 21:02 - United States - Washington

Today, I got woken up and kicked out of bed. Apparently if I cheat in her dreams it still counts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 728

You deserved it 3 183

By ouch - 25/02/2009 23:29 - United States

Today, I had to rush to school to avoid being late. Unfortunately, I forgot to put a bra on beforehand, and as soon as I got to gym class, the first thing my teacher said was: "Okay folks, let's get outside, we're running the mile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 887

You deserved it 39 686

By guitarki - 26/04/2015 18:49 - United States - Monroe

Today, while with a large group of friends, my best friend started talking about my struggles with dating and intimacy. I quietly asked her to stop talking about it, as it was personal and I wasn't comfortable with everyone else knowing. Her response? "Um, it's really none of your business." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 243

You deserved it 3 223

guitarki tells us more.

guitarki 11

Monday 27 April 2015 20:30

Hey, OP here. I made an account so that I could comment. When it happened, there was nothing I could say to her to make her stop. I asked her several times to please stop talking about it, and I was so embarrassed, but she wouldn't listen to me. I ended up just getting my stuff together and leaving. I'm not very close to the people in the group, so I felt uncomfortable with being so exposed to them. I talked to her afterwards in private and told her that it was really uncool of her to keep talking about it when I asked her to stop. She claimed that she didn't think it was that big of a deal, since when I told her at the time, I didn't say that it was meant to be a secret. I guess I just never thought to let her know that I didn't want her to blab to everyone about my personal issues. She also made sure to clarify to me that when she said it wasn't any of my business, she meant that it was not my conversation to butt into, even though I was literally right beside her. This incident made me realize that she really isn't a very good friend to me. She has never acted this way until recently, so I never thought to avoid telling her things. I do know that I'll definitely not be confiding in her anymore though.