The Top

lol I felt so retarded. it was a Fuel concert in my small hometown. I immediately started looking up ways I could recover the photo. I'm still facepalming over it today.

By AreYouSerious - 27/08/2009 00:57 - United States

Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 858

You deserved it 3 672

By Anonymous - 28/03/2011 02:49 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years confessed that at first, she'd only dated me to get her friend jealous, and that even now, she "only kind of liked" me. I bought a ring only a few days ago, and was planning on proposing to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 980

You deserved it 4 155

By EnglishLearner - 09/11/2012 16:23 - Switzerland - Mannedorf

Today, I had to present a program to my supervisors in University. Not being a native English speaker, I used my own invented abbreviations for parameters in the program. Apparently STD is not an appropriate abbreviation for "standard deviation." I can still hear them laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 850

You deserved it 8 131

Pleased to meet you

By homewrecker - 08/11/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, I drove 600 miles to be with my boyfriend of two years for his uncle's funeral. He didn't want me to come because I am seven months pregnant and flying is dangerous in the third trimester. When I got there I don't know who was more suprised to see me: him, his wife, or their kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 156

You deserved it 6 631

Fond memory

By best_friend - 25/07/2011 06:43 - United States

Today, I went to my friend's house because his family was having a move away party for him. Everything was going good until his dad decided to give a toast. Including an anecdote about how he walked in on us watching porn together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 624

You deserved it 9 988

By Kwalker3 - 06/05/2012 06:39 - United States - Tracy

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I was really close to climaxing, when he suddenly stopped, smirked, and said, "Hang on, I'm buffering." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 457

You deserved it 4 164

By GlueAndCarrots - 29/05/2015 15:05 - Canada - Markham

Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I crossed the street without holding her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 233

You deserved it 4 359

By SaMike - 01/09/2009 01:12 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 758

You deserved it 4 750

By Nightmare - 15/01/2013 14:41

Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 080

You deserved it 4 749

By zamwow - 20/12/2013 23:36 - United States - Ridgefield Park

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 891

You deserved it 8 881

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 16:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went on our 2nd date. We decided to get to know each other with a game. I asked him what makes him nervous. He said "talking to really attractive girls." I then asked him if I was making him nervous. He said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 352

You deserved it 15 790

By littlespoon - 04/02/2010 08:40 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 488

You deserved it 3 573

By Lady Cuntsnatch of Fallopia - 04/01/2015 01:30 - United States - Yuba City

Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 307

You deserved it 5 943

By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 23:04 - United States

Today, the handle in the port-a-potty broke off, with me inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 120

You deserved it 2 853

By S4L - 02/07/2009 04:13 - France

Today, I had to take a leak, so I went into a porta-john. I noticed another man's hand under the door with a cell phone. Angered, I aimed my stream at his hand and phone. He tilted the porta-john over in response. It was full. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 837

You deserved it 23 385

By hatelife - 30/12/2009 19:07 - United States

Today, the instructions on my new IKEA bed made me cry. It includes a picture of a person working alone with a frown crossed out and is replaced by two smiling people working together. I have no one in my life to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 289

You deserved it 4 850

By Emmy - 02/10/2011 06:36 - United States

Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 403

You deserved it 3 367

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 14:20 - United Kingdom - Bishops Stortford

Today, my social anxiety hit a new low. I was playing bingo and, although I won, I didn't shout "bingo" because I thought too many people would look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 518

You deserved it 8 908

Nice try

By Proof-Reader - 15/12/2009 08:32 - United States

Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 434

You deserved it 32 016

By LetItRip - 12/07/2012 20:35 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I nailed every single move in my routine at a gymnastics competition. I then finished off with a perfect split, letting out a fart loud enough to wake up a kid in China. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 591

You deserved it 3 379

By GrandmaShakers - 02/06/2010 23:00 - United States

Today, my grandmother bought a Shakeweight, an exercise tool which, basically, simulates a hand-job to tone arm fat. I get to watch my Grandmother do this motion for 6 minutes every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 638

You deserved it 5 207

Thanks, I guess

By ST3PH - 09/07/2009 19:17 - Canada

Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the office, because she wanted the filing cabinets alphabetized right to left, not left to right. To thank me, she came into my office to give me one uncooked ear of corn. I think my boss has mistaken me for some kind of farm animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 729

You deserved it 3 719

Get ready to rumble!

By Leyla - 14/07/2012 07:09 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. We were under the covers, and my little brother thought we were wrestling, so he got on top of the covers and started "wrestling" with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 386

You deserved it 34 426

By corn - 03/06/2011 01:44 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst at my job as a lifeguard, a small child decided he couldn't hold it any longer and released his bowels in the pool. It was my job to clean up his dump, including the floating pieces of sweetcorn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 318

You deserved it 3 297

By ConfusedDad - 29/12/2013 07:01 - United States

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 538

You deserved it 59 147

By Anonymous - 29/12/2012 01:23 - Canada - Calgary

Today, after spending a lot of money on photo shoots to build up my portfolio, I finally got an offer from a modelling agency. I ran outside to tell my parents, only for my brother to hurl an iced snowball straight into my face. I now have a huge gash over my cheek and nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 079

You deserved it 4 431

By Anonymous - 09/09/2012 21:38 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, during a family dinner, my favourite underwire bra got tired of its job and tried to shish-kebab my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 311

You deserved it 2 402

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The Top

Today, a girl introduced herself to me with the line, "Hi, I'm Anna. I have a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 027

You deserved it 1 214

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 079

You deserved it 2 974

Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 340

You deserved it 67 858

Today, I was driving behind a UPS truck. All of a sudden his back door opens up exposing some boxes ready to fall out. Like a good driver I speed up to drive beside him to tell him. He thought I was trying to cut him off so he accelerated. A box flies out and dents my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 975

You deserved it 5 613

Today, I spent ages writing a draft press release as part of a copywriting job application. I worked really hard and read it through several times before submitting. They emailed me to point out that I'd misspelled the name of the company. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 761

You deserved it 2 713

Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 205