Today, I thought it would be funny to hide behind the ice machine at work and jump out randomly and scare people. This resulted in my first victim whacking me in the head with a skateboard. FML
Today, I found out my wife and three daughters all have their period on seperate weeks. I now have no break from yelling. FML
Today, after a long day at work, I walked into my room with the lights off and jumped on my bed. At least I would've if I haven't rearranged my room and instead face-planted onto my desk. FML
Today, I had debilitating stomach cramps and told my mom, but she said she was too tired to take me to the ER. I had appendicitis. Thanks Mom. FML
Today, my mom's boss reversed into my parked car. She expects me to say that it's my fault so she doesn't have her insurance increase. FML
Today, I had to ban my teenage son from taking his phone into the bathroom, not because he looks at porn, but because he’s so engrossed in the screen, he doesn’t aim while he pees all over the seat and sometimes the floor, without cleaning it up. He’s not incapable, just fucking lazy. FML
Today, I'm a MD who graduated with honors. I can't work right now because I'm preparing myself for the medical residence exam. I want to be a cardiovascular surgeon. My dad is ashamed of me and treats me like shit, because I don't work and I'm 26 years-old, living with my parents while I'm studying. FML
I hope it gave you a concussion. You're there to work, not to act like a six year old.
Serves you right!