Intimacy: Today, my younger brother and my parents were in my dorm room....

By Perpetually F-ed. - 17/01/2009 14:25 - United States

Today, my younger brother and my parents were in my dorm room. When I wasn't looking, my brother opened the top drawer of my dresser (where I had a tube of half-used lube) and asked out loud: "What's Astroglide?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 388

You deserved it 9 336

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Same thing different taste

Busted

By Stacy - 21/03/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 824

You deserved it 121 912

Caught red handed

By scarred_sibling - 15/10/2012 12:10 - United States

Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 514

You deserved it 3 058

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 553

You deserved it 64 386

By mr.palendrome - 06/03/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 453

You deserved it 28 114

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 23:01 - United States - Parkersburg

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 741

You deserved it 3 075

By LemonLearn - 06/10/2016 20:59 - United States - New York

Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist down. I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't masturbating using my lingerie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 094

You deserved it 1 114

By iailwkrb - 26/02/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 916

You deserved it 28 023

Rude awakening

By Alex - 22/02/2022 00:01

Today, my brother woke me up by hitting me in the face with a rubber dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 237

That's that, then

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 08:02

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 656

You deserved it 219

By SayCheese - 02/04/2013 22:52 - Canada - Prince George

Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 055

You deserved it 72 338

audyy_fml 0

Wednesday 23 March 2011 23:35

"a tube of half-used lube".. this is really different than a half-used tube of lube..

AliSama 17

Sunday 22 February 2009 18:56

what is Astroglide? seriously? *google is my friend* Ewww. lol.

Comments

BloodyMary666 24

Wednesday 31 August 2011 17:49

Oh my God, I would´ve died on the spot! O.o

Shortiejordi 0

Sunday 23 October 2011 10:03

How awkward(:

heralynn1011 0

Sunday 13 November 2011 17:48

Nice rhyme . But it should be a halve a tube of lube .

teenagedream13 1

Friday 27 January 2012 5:52

*half

froggycutie22 4

Friday 23 December 2011 18:32

what is astroglide?

sockmonkey576 6

Monday 13 February 2012 5:24

Hey, you guys, ever think she may have a boyfriend??? 0_0

Steel_BZ 8

Tuesday 14 February 2012 8:37

So just because she is a girl means she can't be prepared & protect herself?? That was dumb..

ILoveZombieBoys 13

Saturday 18 August 2012 7:55

Don't keep lube in the top drawer!

greenman42 10

Tuesday 13 May 2014 4:15

You could have played it off and said your roommate must have put it there as a prank

FMLworthy5000 21

Saturday 28 June 2014 3:51

Did your parents nail a cross over your bed? Or did they douse you in holy water while speaking the bible in Latin?

worldclassrager 39

Monday 11 August 2014 19:25

What's wrong with masturbating? Just a little embarrassment

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The Top

Today, during a meeting with my boss, she explained she's giving me one more chance before she has to fire me. Her reason? I accidentally ordered chicken on a salad last week for a meeting and she feels my performance has gone down the tubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 852

You deserved it 232

Today, as I’ve been doing our family tree, it's become clear to me that every man who has married into my wife’s family for at least 4 generations has died within 15 years of the wedding. It’s our 13th anniversary next month. Two years to go. Someone help me by keeping their fingers crossed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 73

Today, I was in a crowded elevator and, like any sane person, eavesdropped on the couple in front of me. The guy was breaking up with his girlfriend, and she was crying. As they got off, I patted her on the back and said, "You can do better, honey." It wasn’t until the doors closed that I realized I had just encouraged my boss's wife to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 551

Today, my boyfriend cuffed my legs to the bed. After the sex we discovered one of the cuffs wouldn't open. After an hour of trying to pry them open, I had to waddle with him to the fire station to have them removed in front of 4 amused firefighters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 189

You deserved it 8 770

Today, I came home to found all of my belongings out on the street. My roommate, who is also my brother, apparantly neglected to pay his part of the rent, and we got evicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 560

You deserved it 4 048

Today, I got into a debate with my boyfriend over whether or not oral sex was considered sex. I stood firm that it was not. Apparently, he took this as permission, as later that night I walked in on him not having sex with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 870

You deserved it 44 555