Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated...

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 825

You deserved it 10 572

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Same thing different taste

By fuck russia and fuck georgia too - 09/03/2014 18:38 - Azerbaijan

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She'd walked in on me jerking off, which she said is exactly the same as cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 056

You deserved it 10 379

Whispers

By SimpleSimon - 01/07/2009 00:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 370

You deserved it 19 765

Time's up

By blueballed - 29/11/2014 21:08 - Germany - Kiel

Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 935

You deserved it 8 283

You sad man

By Anonymous - 13/02/2020 19:00

Today, my girlfriend sent me a revenge video of her having sex with another guy, because I cheated on her. I got angry with her, but later used the video to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 7 105

Sorry

By Anonymous - 23/09/2013 18:06 - United States - Olympia

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 932

You deserved it 5 082

No good

By :(( - 28/09/2013 21:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 500

You deserved it 8 045

By notsohandy - 03/01/2014 22:08 - Denmark - Hadsten

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 981

You deserved it 8 138

Denied

By Anonymous - 30/08/2023 22:00

Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 148

By PerfectBoyfriend - 07/06/2016 16:38 - Belgium - Reet

Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 432

You deserved it 1 921

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 19:01 - Netherlands - Herkenbosch

Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 505

You deserved it 6 691

Saone_fml 27

Friday 15 March 2013 1:11

So much for trying to please her... Next time she makes dinner, scream at her that she's cheating on you and practicing cooking for someone else.

cuponoodles34 10

Friday 15 March 2013 1:11

does she really trust you so little???

Comments

wvcheesehead1 9

Friday 15 March 2013 1:48

Tell her you were pulling for her.

alexafml 5

Friday 15 March 2013 1:51

She thought 10 minutes was a long sex session?

gmian 34

Friday 15 March 2013 1:54

No, it was a great idea.. She just didn't see it coming.

shaww 28

Friday 15 March 2013 2:04

I have to HAND it to ya man. Your in a pretty STICKY situation, i hope you can CUM up with a good excuse.

greenie213 23

Friday 15 March 2013 3:45

Thanks for capitalizing the puns so that we could understand them. I wouldn't have gotten the jokes without that.

Michael_92 20

Friday 15 March 2013 5:49

There are jokes in there?

CharresBarkrey 15

Friday 15 March 2013 10:23

The only joke is their grammar.

hisgirlherboy 5

Saturday 16 March 2013 16:26

30- You're*

israelnotjacob 20

Friday 15 March 2013 2:15

If she's so quick to assume that based on so little evidence she doesn't trust you and therefore your relationship isn't worthwhile. Yeah if there was actually a good reason to think so that might be understandable, but lasting a bit longer than usual proves nothing.

noelasis94 18

Friday 15 March 2013 2:15

You showed her the meaning of you shook me all night long, and she doesn't want it.

CharresBarkrey 15

Friday 15 March 2013 10:30

"You... Shook me 10 minutes long.."

gameover18 17

Friday 15 March 2013 2:21

Proof that women are never 100% on anything.

InfamousLastWord 9

Friday 15 March 2013 2:22

You need a better girlfriend. In that situation, you should've been able to own up to what you did and her respect you for it. You did do it for her. It was immature of her to jump to the conclusion that you were cheating.